Nursery related - am I being a CF?

[Anon2137]

Please be kind, I’m a very anxious person. Obviously I want an opinion but no attacking please.

Went for settling in today with DC(2 years old). I told them my other child used to go few years back and then went to school nursery. They said they remember me and were annoyed I left after they did all the hard work with her (I put her in school nursery - the nursery attached to the school she was going to and is in now). I thought they were maybe half joking but few more things said. I felt a little intimidated, they are the owners and although seem very nice they make me feel a little on edge - think really strict headteacher vibe!

They questioned me on my intentions with DC2 and I explained when it was my daughters Time it was okay as I was not working so didn’t mind doing the 3 hours a day everyday drop off and pick up. Plus there’s no guarantee he will get nursery place in the school as they oversubscribed.

I’m conflicted now and feel guilty if I do get nursery place in school when he turns 3 (well
Term after his 3rd birthday) what should I do? I need him to be in nursery now as he’s being looked after by family and needs kids around him that’s why I’ve put him in this nursery at age 2.

The nursery staff made me feel like they did me a favour in looking after my DD all those years ago. But I paid for it so isn’t it kind of their job? Rather than saying “did all the hard work” then i buggered off!

What does everyone else think?

Are there no other nursery options?

@peasoup8

Find another nursery. If they make you feel uncomfortable don't expose your child to them.

This.

It's a this from me, too.

It's the owners who are being cheeky fuckers - they offer a service for which you pay them handsomely and it's your decision when/if you want to use another service for your children.

@Anon2137

Thank you everyone. So if I hear back from school nursery that he’s got a place can I just tell them and give notice in? What shall I say? If they act weird about it not sure what I will say!

"I'm moving my child to another nursery as of (insert date)" is all you need to say.

It's not a prison sentence, you're under NO obligation to them at all.

“Are there no other nursery options?”

This one I found to be the easiest one to join as others had a waiting list and joining fees of £150+. I only called them Friday and came today to start induction. They also offer half days (which I’m doing with DS). Other nurseries had minimum number of days I had to do.

@Anon2137

The thing is he might have to stay in the private nursery until he starts reception (2023). The school nursery sounds like fully packed and might not get a space till September 2022. As he’s winter born he will be in nursery for 2 years.

It's tricky, because you're absolutely right, but at the same time I can totally see their point too.

I'm a nanny and it would be no good to me if I went to a job interview and they said this job could last 3 months or 2 years, we don't know yet!

That said, I wouldn't say anything to the parents, I'd just turn down the job.

@Anon2137

“Are there no other nursery options?”

This one I found to be the easiest one to join as others had a waiting list and joining fees of £150+. I only called them Friday and came today to start induction. They also offer half days (which I’m doing with DS). Other nurseries had minimum number of days I had to do.

Probably because the other nurseries are better and don't make the parents feel uncomfortable. I'd still look elsewhere.

Well I am sure they are aware you'll want both DC in the same setting. Why wouldn't you?

So they are probably aware you have applied for the other nursey and will leave if a place becomes available. You won't be the first or the last and it is well within your rights.

When will you find out if he has a place at the preschool? When is he 3? They usually start the term after 3rd birthday so you will be able to give the other setting plenty of notice?

The school nursery said offers will go out 2nd week of December.

Taking your child out of nursery and putting them in school nursery is common where I am. The children who stay in nursery usually have parents who work full days. School nursery suits those who work part-time hours or who can find a childminder to do the other hours. And of course they are only open term times. There are still a lot of parents who need the full provision that a nursery can provide and who could never consider a school nursery.

Sorry, I think I misunderstood slightly.

So you want DC to go to nursery from now until they are due to start preschool (which by the sounds of it will be the spring term 2022) but potentially to stay on if they don't get a preschool place?

If you are happy with the care, try not to overthink this. It sounds odd, but could have been a misunderstanding. Just give the required notice when you want to leave. You don't even need a reason

I only called them Friday and came today to start induction. They also offer half days (which I’m doing with DS). Other nurseries had minimum number of days I had to do.
If they have instant availability and other nurseries in the area have waiting lists then that’s not a great sign. A minimum number of days is to allow the the children to settle properly and is standard practice for any decent nursery. If this one doesn’t do that then again I’d see it as another red flag.

But whatever nursery you decide on now, should you get a place at the school nursery in the future, all you do is give notice as detailed by the terms in your contract. You’re under no obligation to even tell them why you’re leaving if you don’t want to. It’s weird that you’re even worrying about it, it’s a service you’re paying for not a religious cult

@Crunchymum yes. He’s on waiting list for school nursery but as it’s so oversubscribed he might not get in. Also as he not starting in September they give out places without reserving. He will definitely get for September 2022 but there’s a chance he won’t get this year. School Nursery is already at full capacity. No idea why I bothered giving his name over a year ago! I’m surprised they wouldn’t reserve a place.

I worked with teachers once with this view. We were in the staff room and one spoke about how a mum had pulled an SEN child out ‘after we’ve put in all the hard work with him!’. They were indignant and I was a bit bemused. We were all also mums as well as teachers and I could get through really how they would also always put their child first in similar situations. Tbh I understood her motive, we cared about the child but the other school had more funding to support his needs and better trained staff.

@Anon2137

“Are there no other nursery options?”

This one I found to be the easiest one to join as others had a waiting list and joining fees of £150+. I only called them Friday and came today to start induction. They also offer half days (which I’m doing with DS). Other nurseries had minimum number of days I had to do.

There's a reason they don't have a waiting list I think.

I’d avoid having people who make me feel uncomfortable take care of my child so would therefore be tempted to look for another nursery. They’re being really weird about this: it’s totally normal to withdraw your child for many reasons- moving them to school nursery, change in your own employment, whatever. They need to chill out.

Everyone who is saying find another nursery I totally agree but I’ve made a mistake leaving it so late. I won’t have any childcare soon. Maybe I should just keep him here and if I hear from school that’s good and move him. I feel a little Rudhed now as no childcare when mum goes away.

I do this often - I feel guilty and bad about other people’s feelings. They weren’t joking they were serious and seemed annoyed that I might be using him to toilet train. School nursery will not take him if he’s not fully toilet trained

Using THEM to get him toilet trained then go to school nursery

Is this a private daycare or a preschool with funded places. If funded pre school places I can see their annoyance as when a child is withdrawn they lose their funding immediately.

It’s private daycare they take from 6weeks or 6 months I think

I’m paying them. It’s not free as funding does t kick in till term after child’s 3rd birthday. Mines only 2 yet.

You loose money on babies
You break even on 2-3 year olds
You make a small amount on 3/4 year olds

Settings have just enough 0-3 year olds to generate a supply alongside the funded children who don't require full daycare/

@Anon2137

Using THEM to get him toilet trained then go to school nursery

It is illegal for with school nursery not to take unless toilet trained.

I don't think you really need to worry too much about what they think of you.

You're paying them to provide a service. Do what suits you and your child, give the correct period of notice and stop feeling like they're doing you a favour.

They were unreasonable to day anything, but I can understand a little were they are coming from.

They allocated your dc a space and then you took them out, it’s unlikely they would be able to find another child to fill the space, by 3 most have committed to a nursery so are unlikely to move.