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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wear dark glasses to a funeral in the UK?

164 replies

noctu · 07/11/2021 20:40

Do people generally wear dark glasses/sunglasses to funerals in the UK? In what context? e.g. - is it not OK in the church but OK at the burial itself?
Or a no-no completely?
Customs seem to differ between the USA and the UK and I would appreciate any guidance.
Many thanks.

OP posts:
MeredithGreyishblue · 07/11/2021 21:28

I don't think it's disrespectful. It will draw attention to you. But it's not pill box hat and veil dramatic.

Knockoneofftheshelftowin · 07/11/2021 21:29

I have been to many funerals I have worn them and I have seen many other mourners wear sunglasses.

Embroidery · 07/11/2021 21:30

Sunglasses in uk are a beachwear thing only. Or shopping on a sunny day in summer.
A frivolous item of clothing and therefore disrespectful at a funeral.

Also a bit jackie kennedy. Dressing up as jackie kennedy at a funeral is also very attention seeking and therefore very inappropriate.

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 07/11/2021 21:32

Sunglasses in uk are a beachwear thing only. Or shopping on a sunny day in summer.

No they're not. Sun glare can happen all year round so I always have sunglasses in my bag.

Sparklingbrook · 07/11/2021 21:33

If it’s sunny outside then go ahead. If it’s overcast or your inside then why do you need sunglasses? Very odd

Or they are worn for some of the valid reasons on this thread to do with not wanting to make eye contact etc.

Sparklingbrook · 07/11/2021 21:35

Sunglasses in uk are a beachwear thing only. Or shopping on a sunny day in summer
A frivolous item of clothing and therefore disrespectful at a funeral

Who are they disrespectful to? Sunglasses for shopping? Confused Useful for driving though.

Cuck00soup · 07/11/2021 21:43

FFS. What kind of arsehole judges anyone grieving for what they wear to their loved ones funeral?

I wore sunglasses to get me through my DF's funeral. The only inappropriate behaviour would be from lemon sucking twats who thought it was their place to comment.

backtolifebacktoreality · 07/11/2021 21:43

It would seem rude to wear them. You need to talk to and make eye contact with the other mourners!

Helloise · 07/11/2021 21:44

Sorry for being glib. What I would consider though is your relationship to the deceased. If you are immediate family then do what you need to to get by. If not, you have to think of you will be seen by them, or even by people they know, to be “out-grieving” them which might add awkwardness on top of their own grief which isn’t really fair. Sometimes you can be really upset about a death even if you aren’t a parent, child, spouse, sibling, or close friend- of course you can- but even then you still have to consider the feelings of those people who were closer than you were and do whatever will make it easier for them. They shouldn’t even have to have a second thought about what others at the funeral are doing or wearing.

sansucre · 07/11/2021 21:44

I pretty much wear big sunglasses all year round and always have done. I wore them to both my parents funerals, one of which was in early January (almost 30 years ago), the other in July (well over a decade ago). I'm in London btw.

I don't think anyone will think you're being disrespectful at all.

Original poster
noctu · 07/11/2021 21:46

@Helloise

Sorry for being glib. What I would consider though is your relationship to the deceased. If you are immediate family then do what you need to to get by. If not, you have to think of you will be seen by them, or even by people they know, to be “out-grieving” them which might add awkwardness on top of their own grief which isn’t really fair. Sometimes you can be really upset about a death even if you aren’t a parent, child, spouse, sibling, or close friend- of course you can- but even then you still have to consider the feelings of those people who were closer than you were and do whatever will make it easier for them. They shouldn’t even have to have a second thought about what others at the funeral are doing or wearing.
I am immediate family (in case it changes the advice given).
OP posts:
EvenRosesHaveThorns · 07/11/2021 21:47

Lots of posters seem surprised why you would want sunnies? Well, when your eyes are red raw and leaking, why wouldn't you for some dignity

VestaTilley · 07/11/2021 21:48

YABU. Don’t do it, it makes you look ridiculous and attention seeking.

It isn’t the done thing in the U.K.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 07/11/2021 21:49

@backtolifebacktoreality

It would seem rude to wear them. You need to talk to and make eye contact with the other mourners!
during a funeral??? I'd think not
gogohm · 07/11/2021 21:52

It's only appropriate outside if it's bright sunlight

Sparklingbrook · 07/11/2021 21:52

You need to talk to and make eye contact with the other mourners!

Not if you have suddenly and unexpectedly been bereaved and can barely function. Angry

Oneforthemoneytwo · 07/11/2021 21:53

What utterly ridiculous comments from people on here. If they help you then wear them end of. I wore them to my husbands funeral. I also wore a flowery dress and a faux fur (not black) jacket, I didn’t give a shit and certainly wasn’t disrespectful to my bloody husband, he wouldn’t have cared what anyone wore

JoantheVampireSlayer · 07/11/2021 21:53

Sunglasses in uk are a beachwear thing only.

That's quite a sweeping statement...

I get migraines from sensitivity to light so I wear sunglasses most of the time when I'm outside.
Personally I would try to avoid wearing sunglasses inside a church unless it was very bright/ I was very close to the deceased. Others may feel differently.

Sparklingbrook · 07/11/2021 21:54

@Oneforthemoneytwo

What utterly ridiculous comments from people on here. If they help you then wear them end of. I wore them to my husbands funeral. I also wore a flowery dress and a faux fur (not black) jacket, I didn’t give a shit and certainly wasn’t disrespectful to my bloody husband, he wouldn’t have cared what anyone wore
I agree. This thread is quite upsetting now.
Cuck00soup · 07/11/2021 21:58

@Oneforthemoneytwo

What utterly ridiculous comments from people on here. If they help you then wear them end of. I wore them to my husbands funeral. I also wore a flowery dress and a faux fur (not black) jacket, I didn’t give a shit and certainly wasn’t disrespectful to my bloody husband, he wouldn’t have cared what anyone wore

Well said. Thanks

FindingMeno · 07/11/2021 21:59

I think most people would understand why you would choose to wear sunglasses.
It's not anyone else's business but the person who's wearing them.

JanglyBeads · 07/11/2021 22:01

Why would you feel the need to disguise how upset you are if an immediate relative has died? Genuine question.

Although also the point that if you are immediate family then people should accept you doing whatever you like as long as it doesn’t interfere with others’ grief and the conduct of the service.

Voice0fReason · 07/11/2021 22:01

Some bizarre and judgy comments in this thread.
And some weird ideas about what & when sunglasses are for.

I wear sunglasses more often than not. Including inside. They reduce migraines, help me cope with light sensitivity, help me see.
At a funeral, they also help shield red eyes.
November in the UK, the sun is low and I never leave the house without mine.

Do whatever you feel comfortable doing OP.

Sparklingbrook · 07/11/2021 22:03

Why would you feel the need to disguise how upset you are if an immediate relative has died? Genuine question.

Because that's how you felt the day on the day of the funeral. That you couldn't face making eye contact and want to retain a bit of privacy. It's not that difficult to understand.

frogswimming · 07/11/2021 22:04

Well our local graveyard is a bit bright, it's exposed and often the sun reflects off rained on paths, so lots of people wear sunglasses.