Pregnancy chat at work - AIBU?

[LovesFood1987]

I got pregnant at the same time as someone else at work. We were both so happy about it and used to chat excitedly etc.

We then lost my baby and I am totally heartbroken.

AIBU to think that the other pregnant lady who is obviously still pregnant shouldn't constantly talk about niceties regarding her pregnancy when it is all so recent and I'm totally heartbroken? (She knows this as I have told her).

Constant comments about when she wants to go on mat leave, how we're all "suckers" as she's about to have 9 months off work, having her whooping cough vacc, buying baby stuff etc etc.

I'm having baby loss counseling but it's all so recent and I am totally devastated. I feel she should be more considerate and chat about baby stuff with someone else 😢

You are not being unreasonable at all.

I had a miscarriage in August, it still feels raw at times and I find it difficult to be around others who are pregnant, as it reminds me of what I have lost.

I would find this honestly unbearable. It sounds like she has no tact and that talking to her will be difficult. I would speak to a supportive boss if you had one. Maybe you can be working from home until she is away. I know this sounds crazy but even if I didnt for the sake of two weeks I might find myself with a positive Covid test and needing to work from home or something.

Hugs to you OP, it sounds so painful for you.

@LovesFood1987

I think one of the things is that I'm not at all trying to "take away" from her pregnancy. She is still having her baby, surely that's the most amazing and important thing?!

Obviously I would never want to take that away BUT mine HAS been taken away.

Imagine if someone was going on about how they have the most amazing natural breasts to someone who just had a mastectomy for breast cancer?! I do think honestly it's inappropriate. Or someone showing off they had just bought a massive house to someone who's normal family home had just been repossessed?!

You don’t need to justify how you feel with any examples OP. How you feel is perfectly normal and understandable. This woman has had a sensitivity bypass and I hope you can get through the time with her left before she goes off.

Some people just have no idea that they’re a) boring and b) mean.

@Elisemum

This is a very interesting topic and interesting responses… I absolutely agree that banging about your pregnancy in a presence of someone who you KNOW had lost baby/has difficulty conceiving is highly insensitive. However some posters here say that you should never talk about pregnancy out loud as you MAY offend someone that had struggled and you MAY not every know it.. this is not fair at all. Pregnancy is a huge event and when I was pregnant I talked about it all the time! It was my right to talk about it and I had every right to be over the moon. I had the right to be happy, to complain about being heavy and to say how I cannot wait for the baby! Sorry but that’s just the way it is and no one should take this away from anyone. In saying that I would never do it if I knew someone that hears it lost their baby… like I said I would never say much when my friend who was going through IVF was with us. That would be wrong.

In the early days, weeks, months after my first loss, I would have struggled hugely with you and your pregnancy chatter. I would have asked to move offices or away from you or whatever. Because every time you brought up your pregnancy I'd be thinking "fuck I hope her baby doesn't die".

Because once you've experienced the death of your baby, and planned their funeral, it's really hard to go back to the naivety of before.

I wouldn't have shared with you about the death of my son, because I wouldn't have wanted to scare you or upset you or be complained about behind my back.

You never know why someone has experienced. So perhaps exercising caution is probably the better route until you know you are in company who doesn't mind you talking about it.

@swanswallow

You are not being unreasonable at all.

I had a miscarriage in August, it still feels raw at times and I find it difficult to be around others who are pregnant, as it reminds me of what I have lost.

I would find this honestly unbearable. It sounds like she has no tact and that talking to her will be difficult. I would speak to a supportive boss if you had one. Maybe you can be working from home until she is away. I know this sounds crazy but even if I didnt for the sake of two weeks I might find myself with a positive Covid test and needing to work from home or something.

Hugs to you OP, it sounds so painful for you.

I agree with all of this. I had a MC in December and there is not a day goes by I don't think about it and many times I still cry. She sounds insensitive at best, and downright selfish at worse. Nothing is stopping her from reigning it in. I'm so sorry OP.

This sounds like someone I worked with who got pregnancy by accident not long after I had a miscarriage which she knew about.

She said “feel bad for telling you this but I was going to have an abortion but then couldn’t go through with it”

Well you don’t feel that bad about telling me love because you still said it!!

Thank god for Covid b cause she was signed off for most of her pregnancy.

I’m so with you, OP, this woman sounds so insensitive and I really hope you get some respite from the whole thing soon

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

She sounds really insensitive. Somebody needs to have a word with her. Or ask to be moved to a different office.

YANBU especially with her being smug to all & sundry about having all that time off work. That's an all round poor attitude.

I think you should just disengage every time she gloats about her pregnancy and turn around to get on with work or go to the printer.

I went through similar when I miscarried. My boss (who knew the situation) was 7 months pregnant and her belly was hopping about. She got me to touch it and just grinned at me. She is normally a good person but I think she was so swept up in it all. Also I had been putting on a very brave face so she might have thought I was coping well but I felt a lump in my throat and it all felt so cruel. I expect your other colleagues are mortified about it all.

Soo… I’m basically full term. No scan. No help no intervention. I literally thought this pregnancy wouldn’t make it the whole time after loosing babies left right and Center. I shit myself and just hid. Now it’s too late to ask for help. What do I do? Go into labour naturally or walk into a labour ward and cry. My partner of 10 years has no idea. My son who’s 7 doesn’t either. I appreciate this is crazy but to me I don’t carry big. My partner is a massive stress head and after loosing 5 pregnancies 3 traumaticly I resisted saying anything because I want to protect him. I’ve literally carried on regardless but now obviously shitting myself . Please don’t judge.

I’ll add my first was a section at 36 weeks. I have no actual experience of labour. I lost all water and was admitted for a section.i appreciate I’m stupid. Crazy and unbelievably up a creek without a paddle. My relationship is probably on the line because I’ve tried to protect the very same thing. Im

She’s being insensitive and I bet she’s annoying other people too by wittering on about vaccines and buying baby stuff. She’s nasty too. Suckers?!
Sorry for your loss.

It’s not too late to ask for help, lovely. I would contact your GP and go from there xx

Thank you. I’m going to delete this. I’ve started a new thread. I didn’t realise I’d imposed on OP. Complete newbie to all this and still finding my feet 🤦🏼‍♀️