AIBU to want sympathy?

ArsenalFan2 · 2021-11-07T08:47:13+00:00

I’m really ill - up all night vomiting, stomach pains etc. Will book a test although I’m fully vaxxed. But I soon as I said it to H this morning his first reaction was how it would affect his day. He doesn’t drive so now he’ll have to rearrange things including a visit to his family. I was told -‘ I’m not cross, I’m just pointing out this will impact me too.’ The kids will miss out on an outing too because no one can drive them so I’m guilty about that too . When he gets sick nothing changes, I just step up and do everything.

PerseverancePays · 07/11/2021 09:01

His lack of driving impacts the whole family too.
If he could drive he could take the children out and leave you to get on with your bug in peace. People who choose not to drive are so passive (and entitled) about how day to day actually functions; it’s because the drivers make it function.

GoodnightGrandma · 07/11/2021 09:02

He might not be able to drive for a medical reason or because he’s had his licence removed.

AnkleDeep · 07/11/2021 09:03

Is he always a bit of a prick?

lawandgin · 07/11/2021 09:04

@GoodnightGrandma if it's the latter that's almost worse than not being able to drive at all (barring medical reasons ofc)

SoniaFouler · 07/11/2021 09:08

How come he doesn’t drive?

negomi90 · 07/11/2021 09:09

He could take the kids on a lovely walk, then they get an outing, fresh air and special time with dad.
He's being a prick.

Zeflyinghelmetandzevetcelery · 07/11/2021 09:10

Sorry you're not feeling well op.

Any inconvenience is your husband's own fault, unless there's a valid reason he can't drive. If he was mine he'd be getting driving lessons for Christmas.

Howshouldibehave · 07/11/2021 09:10

just pointing out this will impact me too

The fact he can’t drive impacts on you and your family on a daily basis! Is he learning?

Original poster

ArsenalFan2 · 07/11/2021 09:13

He doesn’t drive through choice, never did. Says he manages fine without it using bike etc. But clearly only when I’m around! I used to hope that days like this would encourage him to learn but he has no intention of it. Yes he’s very nervous but so is everyone starting.

Is he often a prick? Yes to be honest. He has anxiety and similar issues and needs to ‘put himself first’

OP posts:

honeylulu · 07/11/2021 09:15

Point out that his failure to learn to drive impacts on you every day so he can shut his piehole.

Unless he is medically unable he needs to crack on and pass his test pronto. Absolutely pathetic to mope and moan about not being ferried around whilst he's too passive to address that very obvious solution.

Xmassprout · 07/11/2021 09:17

Anxiety isn't a free pass to be a prick. Yes, everyone needs to put themselves first sometimes. But usually you can do that without being a prick

honeylulu · 07/11/2021 09:18

Oh God, just read your update. "Manages fine" does he? If so he's got nothing to moan about.

"Needs to put himself first". Oh yes I bet he does. All the bloody time perchance?

Take a leaf out of his book and tell him you are ill and you need to put yourself first.

Harlequin1088 · 07/11/2021 09:18

@ArsenalFan2

He doesn’t drive through choice, never did. Says he manages fine without it using bike etc. But clearly only when I’m around! I used to hope that days like this would encourage him to learn but he has no intention of it. Yes he’s very nervous but so is everyone starting.

Is he often a prick? Yes to be honest. He has anxiety and similar issues and needs to ‘put himself first’

Oh I do love it when people use anxiety as an excuse to act like an entitled numbnuts their entire life. I've had crippling anxiety for as long as I can remember but I don't think it gives me the right to be rude and cause inconvenience to others. I just suck it up and get on with it.

SoniaFouler · 07/11/2021 09:19

@ArsenalFan2

He doesn’t drive through choice, never did. Says he manages fine without it using bike etc. But clearly only when I’m around! I used to hope that days like this would encourage him to learn but he has no intention of it. Yes he’s very nervous but so is everyone starting.

Is he often a prick? Yes to be honest. He has anxiety and similar issues and needs to ‘put himself first’

Well then that’s no excuse, YANBU. Suggest that he balances the kids on the handlebars of his bike when he pedals over to see his family. When he points out that is ridiculous you can point out that he clearly can’t manage without driving then.

magicstars · 07/11/2021 09:20

Sorry you're poorly OP. Sounds rotten.

Your H behaved like an arse.

Darkstar4855 · 07/11/2021 09:20

What a selfish arsehole. So basically he’s grumpy that you’re not available to chauffeur him around, instead of concerned that you’re not feeling well.

thisplaceisweird · 07/11/2021 09:21

Grade A wanker. How dare he threaten being cross with you because you've been up ill all night. He sounds like a bully and a hateful man. Why put up with this OP? You're spending your life on someone who just isn't a good person. Life's too short.

Original poster

ArsenalFan2 · 07/11/2021 09:21

It’s the kids I really feel sorry for. They are going to miss a match this morning but worse than that, if I have to work on the weekends they miss everything unless I can sort out lifts with other parents. If he has to work weekends nothing changes for anyone else. It makes me very anxious! And causes me to weigh up work vs family etc

OP posts:

user128756 · 07/11/2021 09:21

Sorry OP this is totally unacceptable.

He needs to learn to drive. How dare he state how much his plans have to change because he doesn't have a chauffeur!

magicstars · 07/11/2021 09:22

If the children are safe with him, then take yourself back to bed & tell them all to leave you alone as you may be infectious.

Presumably he can use public transport or adapt his plans.

Well wishes 💐

EnjoyingTheSilence · 07/11/2021 09:22

I’d be telling him to fuck off. You are his wife not his taxi driver. Most husbands would ask their wife what could they get them to make them feel better not moan about how their day is ruined.

Do not feel guilty, do not drive him anywhere. Put your feet up or go to bed

Feel better soon

NoSquirrels · 07/11/2021 09:22

I am happy to give you ALL the sympathy, OP. I hope you feel better soon.

Do not feel guilty about the kids. Your husband can sort something out - it’s his problem to solve.

Original poster

ArsenalFan2 · 07/11/2021 09:25

Thanks everyone. This thread is very revealing. There is absolutely no way I could challenge him on this which is why I’m on the internet! He would be furious if i dared to suggest he did more. There are wider issues here.

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 07/11/2021 09:25

@ArsenalFan2

It’s the kids I really feel sorry for. They are going to miss a match this morning but worse than that, if I have to work on the weekends they miss everything unless I can sort out lifts with other parents. If he has to work weekends nothing changes for anyone else. It makes me very anxious! And causes me to weigh up work vs family etc

He can sort out a lift with other parents!

Tell him - you need to learn to drive, or we need to arrange our lives so that you not driving doesn’t affect the children. If you lived in a city he could sort public transport - you clearly don’t have a family life where it’s convenient for him not to drive.

Hubs456 · 07/11/2021 09:25

When I’m sick, most of the time I just have to suck it up and crack on if we have stuff to do as a family. I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do, but that’s what I do.
If you really can’t because you are too ill, could you ask him to take an Uber?