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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want sympathy?

67 replies

ArsenalFan2 · 07/11/2021 08:47

I’m really ill - up all night vomiting, stomach pains etc. Will book a test although I’m fully vaxxed. But I soon as I said it to H this morning his first reaction was how it would affect his day. He doesn’t drive so now he’ll have to rearrange things including a visit to his family. I was told -‘ I’m not cross, I’m just pointing out this will impact me too.’ The kids will miss out on an outing too because no one can drive them so I’m guilty about that too . When he gets sick nothing changes, I just step up and do everything.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 07/11/2021 09:28

@Hubs456

When I’m sick, most of the time I just have to suck it up and crack on if we have stuff to do as a family. I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do, but that’s what I do. If you really can’t because you are too ill, could you ask him to take an Uber?
Even if you have a partner who can share the workload? Why would you suck it up if someone else could support?

I assume the OP is self isolating while waiting for PCR results as she has said she's booked a test (although I may be wrong as she didn't mention covid symptoms).

Gingernaut · 07/11/2021 09:28

I can't drive due to ADHD and dyslexia - the fact he can't drive isn't the issue. The selfish twat could call a taxi.

His lack of sympathy and his huffing that his personal chauffeur is rung in sick is the issue.

YANBU

Original poster
ArsenalFan2 · 07/11/2021 09:29

Oh trust me I usually keep going. I have driven through late pregnancy, post section, post operation etc. But this morning I’d be a danger. He won’t take a taxi because of the expense (we are not broke).

OP posts:
SoniaFouler · 07/11/2021 09:29

@ArsenalFan2

Thanks everyone. This thread is very revealing. There is absolutely no way I could challenge him on this which is why I’m on the internet! He would be furious if i dared to suggest he did more. There are wider issues here.
Could you split up? Would you split up?
sittingonacornflake · 07/11/2021 09:30

'I'm not cross, just pointing out that you not driving impacts me and the children too'....

Wanker.

Howshouldibehave · 07/11/2021 09:31

He would be furious if i dared to suggest he did more

It sounds to me that your life would be better without him in it.

AlbusDumbledore2234 · 07/11/2021 09:31

Tell him to learn to drive then.

Or buy him a train ticket. Preferably one way.

honeylulu · 07/11/2021 09:33

Never being able to challenge him is concerning. How would his fury manifest itself?

Could you cope without him practically/financially? At least you'd be the one who kept the car since it isn't much use to him!

lentilsforever · 07/11/2021 09:33

Yeah

You’re being unreasonable eyeroll

lentilsforever · 07/11/2021 09:35

Just read the thread you started yesterday about having feelings for a colleague Hmm

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 07/11/2021 09:35

Sorry that you're feeling rough OP.

You should be able to go and rest up if you're not feeling well, and your partner should step up and sort out his own transport or something else to do with the kids to give you a rest. .

He sounds useless and selfish. Just imagine how much more peaceful your Sunday morning would be without him moaning and guilt tripping you.

mrsevangelina · 07/11/2021 09:38

@lentilsforever

Just read the thread you started yesterday about having feelings for a colleague Hmm
Is it any wonder with a husband like this?
Iloveacurry · 07/11/2021 09:38

On this occasion you should tell him that you need to ‘put yourself first’.

Youdoyoutoday · 07/11/2021 09:39

Your DP is a wanker, selfish wanker at that!

I would have kicked off royally if my partner said that to me whilst I was ill and possibly enunciated my point by throwing vomit at him!

Get yourself better and have a think about your situation!

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 07/11/2021 09:41

@lentilsforever

Well no wonder if her husband is so useless and uncaring towards her. And she sounds like she is scared of raising any more issues with him. There is obviously a lot more going on, but you can't blame her for holding on to some kindness from a colleague when she clearly has none at home.

lentilsforever · 07/11/2021 09:42

[quote Hobnobsandbroomstick]@lentilsforever

Well no wonder if her husband is so useless and uncaring towards her. And she sounds like she is scared of raising any more issues with him. There is obviously a lot more going on, but you can't blame her for holding on to some kindness from a colleague when she clearly has none at home.[/quote]
I totally agree!!

But the issue shouldn’t be about whether she’s being unreasonable in this scenario. She know she’s not being unreasonable

ThinWomansBrain · 07/11/2021 09:45

hope you feel better soon.

when you next visit DH family (should you want to) just take the children. Husband can manage on his bike.
ditto anywhere you go as a family - and let him do the supermatket shop.

LakieLady · 07/11/2021 09:46

Not being able to drive is a great get out imo. He can never be expected to take any role in getting the kids to activities etc.

He needs to bloody learn and pull his weight.

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 07/11/2021 09:48

@lentilsforever

Potentially she has been gaslighted and guilt tripped by her husband into thinking that she is being unreasonable. So your sarcastic comment wasn't particularly helpful.

Namenic · 07/11/2021 09:49

He sounds really annoying. I’d ignore him and not feel guilty. His problem for not learning to drive or wanting to spend money. His problem that his family and children are missing out.

cosyto · 07/11/2021 09:59

Hi Op, sorry you are feeling poorly. Am I missing something though? You have been vomiting and have stomach pains, but want to book a test. What type of test?

creamcrackerdmum · 07/11/2021 10:00

Tell him to get some driving lessons what a looser.

BlackeyedSusan · 07/11/2021 10:04

So sorry that you are poorly, I hope you feel better soon.

Sorry your oh is being self centered at having to get on and adult.

BrutusMcDogface · 07/11/2021 10:06

Good god, what a selfish twat.

Original poster
ArsenalFan2 · 07/11/2021 10:07

Thanks everyone. I was feeling very achy and shivery too so thought I should go for a PCR just to be on the safe side. But I’m negative on lat flow and starting to feel better now I can keep fluids down. I reckon it’s a stomach bug after all. I’ll look after myself

OP posts: