AIBU to think I should still be able to go out wear whatever I want even though I’m married?

[Opal93]

For haloween last week me and my best friend dressed up in skimpy dresses. I had two kids very close together and I don’t mean to sound arrogant but my body isn’t bad considering I’ve had kids (well I never show off my tummy!) and I figured I should make the most of it. I feel comfortable and attractive in the clothes but don’t wear them for sexual attention. I find men usually don’t approach me but if they do they quickly back off when I make it clear I’m not interested. We had a great night out and my husband was fine with it, the only thing he asks is that I text to let him know I’m safe etc. But he and I are ALWAYS asked a ton of questions by colleagues, family members, friends because I go out. “ is your oh OK with you wearing THAT?” “Are you sure he doesn’t mind you going out dressed like that” “how can you be sure guys aren’t all over her” and AIBU to feel a bit disappointed that in 2021 people still have this attitude that married women should “cover up”. He responds by saying he doesn’t care he thinks I look good and he trusts me. AIBU to feel that dressing a certain way and not going out just because you are married is unhealthy? Nothing wrong with it if you were never into it in the first place/or genuinely aren’t anymore but I do enjoy a drink and a dance with my girlfriends and I don’t want that to stop just because I’m married. We only go out every few months so it’s not even like it’s all the time.

I don't think marriage should stop you going out for a drink & a dance, I still love doing that.

Wear what you want. People will always comment if you wear a skimpy outfit

Stealth boast

But he and I are ALWAYS asked a ton of questions by colleagues, family members, friends because I go out. “ is your oh OK with you wearing THAT?” “Are you sure he doesn’t mind you going out dressed like that” “how can you be sure guys aren’t all over her”

You go out every few months for a dance with your girlfriends - I don't see how / where / when your colleagues / family members / friends other than the girlfriends with whom you're out dancing with could possibly ask a ton of questions, unless you're posting snapshots all over social media, in which case ditch the social media and just enjoy your rare nights out in a short frock.

I think you need to find new friends if the ones you have are so judgmental, and I don't understand why your colleagues even know what you're doing.

Don't think anyone has ever asked me what my husband thinks of what I'm wearing.
Strange post

I think on the one hand, technically people can wear what they like, but it does send messages and it's naive to pretend that doesn't exist.

For example, both men and women make more effort in appearance when seeking a partner. They emphasize and show off their best features in usually more tailored or revealing clothing.

I think I've got good legs. When I was dating, I would wear little skirts, because I thought I looked sexier, and I knew I would gain male attention, and that's exactly what I wanted. Now, I wouldn't wear little skirts on a night out with my friends, because I know it's going to attract male attention, (regardless of whether that should be the case) and that's not what I want.

So I wouldn't take umbrage at people saying "does your husband mind" because they're not really meaning, "he should dictate what you wear" more that they are acknowledging I'm dressing to attract attention as a married woman.

And that's a question I would have to ask myself, why do I want to attract the attention I know will happen?

But he and I are ALWAYS asked a ton of questions by colleagues, family members, friends because I go out.

We only go out every few months so it’s not even like it’s all the time.

I also don’t get how all these people are asking all these questions if you only go out with the one friend every few months

Anyway, yea, you should wear what you want and go out.

Do you put your night out on social media and they know what you are wearing? Otherwise they wouldn't know. I doubt most people would care what anybody was wearing.

How odd!

A maybe 3/4 times a year occurrence and you get loads of questions?

When you've told them once, people ask again?

You're surrounded by very odd people.

@Udouhun

Stealth boast

Lol

Honestly OP must be very young not to find male attention incredibly tiresome

Your friends and colleagues and family members are really weird. You hardly ever go out but every time you do you get comments on your clothes? Are you putting pictures up on social media? If you are you need to sort out your privacy settings at the least.

Obviously wear what you want but I’m interested in how skimpy they are that people then make comments.

I was married and had my first child by 23 so at that age I was still going out and wearing whatever I wanted. My colleagues and family members were never with me when I went out though so they wouldn't have known what I was wearing. My friends that I went out with didn't care what I wore. I actually don't think I ever had a single comment on my clothing and I wore a lot of short skirts for a long time!

This was nearly 20 years ago so I find attitudes like this hard to understand. I do wonder how everyone knows what you're wearing when you go out though? Are all your colleagues, friends and family members out with you too?

I doubt they are mentioning it to you because of what your husband thinks.

When you get older, wearing skimpy clothes is fine but looks different than a young 20 wearing it. Some people grow older but can’t see they now look out of step, whilst others can clearly see it.

Maybe they mention it to you politely to try and get you to stop or they are embarrassed by it if it’s your friends you go out with.

It does give off a message….but not the one you think it does.

@Rainbowheart1 that's a point maybe they are trying to be polite.

You know some very weird people. I also like to go out and have never once been asked if my husband lets me do that. My husband hasn't been asked how he can be sure that men aren't pawing me over. Weird

@Jabvribt

Obviously wear what you want but I’m interested in how skimpy they are that people then make comments.

Agreed. I know married women going out in micro-minis or festival wear and I don’t think anyone bats an eye so I’m still not judgmental of OP, as she can do what she likes, but I’m curious if she’s:

1. in a very conservative section of the country
2. Knows very judgmental people
3. Is dressed like no one else.

On MN, people should be able wear whatever they like, decorate their skin & hair however they wish and no one else should even notice what they look like, let alone draw any kind of conclusion whatsoever.

In the real world, many people 'dress up' when they go out, especially to any sort of social gathering. They will have carefully selected and bought clothes that they like and spend time on their appearance as a part of their display to other people. Their costume could be conveying many different messages: sexual, tribal adherence or their position in the social pyramid of the event they are attending. There are usually rules of etiquette (ie don't wear white at another woman's wedding) that most attendees understand and adhere to.

All of this is widely documented and understood, but of course does not exist in the MN parallel universe, so asking for comments here will draw some odd replies.

Odd post. I've never been asked what my husband thinks of how I look. (Bloody chuffed is his only allowed reaction, frankly).

Weird friends you have.

This has never happened to me. And when I see friends dressed up I never wonder what her dh thinks. Shocked your friends always ask you this.

Worse case if someone wearing something I really don't like I might roll my eyes or think FFS. Definitely wouldn't say it to someone else nevermind the actual person.

@SudokuWillNotSaveYou has got it right. OP which of her three boxes do you tick?

Or 4, way too old and looks ridiculous but everyone is too polite to say so goes about it via the husband route.

Oh come on, another obvious answer post.
You KNOW that it's ok to wear what you want as a married woman.
How do you get asked by so many people, is your husband ok about it?
Sorry, this is ridiculous and made up!

I doubt anyone gives a shit, much less quizzes you on it.