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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I should still be able to go out wear whatever I want even though I’m married?

76 replies

Opal93 · 06/11/2021 23:22

For haloween last week me and my best friend dressed up in skimpy dresses. I had two kids very close together and I don’t mean to sound arrogant but my body isn’t bad considering I’ve had kids (well I never show off my tummy!) and I figured I should make the most of it. I feel comfortable and attractive in the clothes but don’t wear them for sexual attention. I find men usually don’t approach me but if they do they quickly back off when I make it clear I’m not interested. We had a great night out and my husband was fine with it, the only thing he asks is that I text to let him know I’m safe etc. But he and I are ALWAYS asked a ton of questions by colleagues, family members, friends because I go out. “ is your oh OK with you wearing THAT?” “Are you sure he doesn’t mind you going out dressed like that” “how can you be sure guys aren’t all over her” and AIBU to feel a bit disappointed that in 2021 people still have this attitude that married women should “cover up”. He responds by saying he doesn’t care he thinks I look good and he trusts me. AIBU to feel that dressing a certain way and not going out just because you are married is unhealthy? Nothing wrong with it if you were never into it in the first place/or genuinely aren’t anymore but I do enjoy a drink and a dance with my girlfriends and I don’t want that to stop just because I’m married. We only go out every few months so it’s not even like it’s all the time.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 07/11/2021 09:30

How do they even know what you are wearing? Do you post a lot on social media?

If you go out in "revealing" clothes and post loads of selfies on social media I can understand why some people might think it a little attention seeking.

Original poster
Opal93 · 07/11/2021 12:57

Rubyupbeat I do put some pics on social media, and the next day when my husband went to work everyone who had seen it was saying about it to him. And yes I have most of his colleagues on sm because we sometimes socialise with them together

OP posts:
Cosyblankets · 07/11/2021 13:00

Everyone look at me I'm so hot everyone comments on me and men can't keep their hands off me
OK love

Offmyfence · 07/11/2021 13:03

@Opal93

Rubyupbeat I do put some pics on social media, and the next day when my husband went to work everyone who had seen it was saying about it to him. And yes I have most of his colleagues on sm because we sometimes socialise with them together
Looking at your previous posts, you seem to have a bit of a theme going on.
MollysDolly · 07/11/2021 13:16

Yes, I think PP might have a point as well, with the more diplomatic "what does DH say" as a more roundabout way of thinking your outfits might look a little foolish on a mother of two at your age. They aren't going to say "your revealing fancy dress is attention seeking and not in a good way, has your husband not told you this isn't a good look before you left the house?"

MollysDolly · 07/11/2021 13:21

As an example, I've got a good figure. And just before Halloween, for shits and giggles, I tried on a catwoman outfit (at home) I've had for probably the best part of 20yrs. Do you know what, my bum looked great. However, there is more chance of hell freezing over than me, as a mother of 3, donning this catsuit, and wearing it to the local bars and clubs, then posting pics online as well. People would be looking. And thinking "that's not a good look". And actually, I wouldn't be surprised if one of them said "has DH seen your outfit?" Not because I'd need his permission to wear it, but because they'd assume he would have done the kind thing and told me that some clothes should be left in your much younger party days.

Bluntness100 · 07/11/2021 13:22

How very odd.

Unless you were verging on naked?

WorraLiberty · 07/11/2021 13:23

But he and I are ALWAYS asked a ton of questions by colleagues, family members, friends because I go out. “ is your oh OK with you wearing THAT?” “Are you sure he doesn’t mind you going out dressed like that” “how can you be sure guys aren’t all over her”

This is extremely unusual.

I mean the odd comment - yeah.

But ALWAYS asked a ton of questions by colleagues, family members and friends? Confused

I don't know what else to say, other than how strange that is.

WorraLiberty · 07/11/2021 13:29

Looking at your previous posts, you seem to have a bit of a theme going on.

I've just had a quick look and yes, that's putting it mildly.

ParkheadParadise · 07/11/2021 13:29

😂😂

MollysDolly · 07/11/2021 13:32

@WorraLiberty

Looking at your previous posts, you seem to have a bit of a theme going on.

I've just had a quick look and yes, that's putting it mildly.

Quite.

OP is drowning under her overwhelming desirability. Send help.

Mumtotwofurbabies · 07/11/2021 13:33

Of course you should still be able to do and wear what you want when married (within reason of course, as long as your not cheating or something 🤦‍♀️). I don’t go out in skimpy clothes anymore for other reasons (old, tired, pregnant, can’t be arsed!). If your OH isn’t letting you that’s quite controlling

DrManhattan · 07/11/2021 13:34

Don't mean to sound mean buy maybe it doesn't look that good, and people are trying to find a way to tell you.

skybluee · 07/11/2021 13:37

I don't see any problem with wearing a dress. Other people are being silly. Whether you're married or not definitely shouldn't come into it!!

MollysDolly · 07/11/2021 13:40

@skybluee

I don't see any problem with wearing a dress. Other people are being silly. Whether you're married or not definitely shouldn't come into it!!
Lady Gaga's meat dress, was a "dress"

I wear dresses all the time and never get the comments OP does.

MRex · 07/11/2021 13:43

@Opal93

Rubyupbeat I do put some pics on social media, and the next day when my husband went to work everyone who had seen it was saying about it to him. And yes I have most of his colleagues on sm because we sometimes socialise with them together
Ah. So actually nobody made the exact comments you report. Your DH made some stuff up because he wants to change how you dress. He might be adjusting what was said to be nicer to you, or he might just be totally making it up. Whether he has a point or is being unreasonable in suggesting you change your style, nobody here can tell you. If you have a good friend or family member then maybe ask for total honesty about whether you actually look good in what you're wearing or not.
EmeraldShamrock · 07/11/2021 13:44

You know some strange people asking stupid questions.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 07/11/2021 13:59

I wear whatever i want and some of it is a bit out there.
I would literally need to be dressed as a stripper in a hot climate for anyone at all to pass comment.

So either:
You have weird friends/coworkers
You are delusional
Your outfits are "eccentric" to say the least

Original poster
Opal93 · 07/11/2021 14:08

LivingLaVidaBabyShower or maybe you just haven’t heard them. Not that you should care. A woman who regularly comes into my husbands work is in her fifties and is a full goth/punk. I personally think it’s great but I have heard people whispering and sniggering behind her back, and accusing her of doing it to “make people look at her.” MollysDolly if you chose to wear the catsuit out and I seen you I wouldn’t think anything other than it was great you had the confidence to, regardless of body type or age.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 07/11/2021 14:10

@LivingLaVidaBabyShower

I wear whatever i want and some of it is a bit out there. I would literally need to be dressed as a stripper in a hot climate for anyone at all to pass comment.

So either:
You have weird friends/coworkers
You are delusional
Your outfits are "eccentric" to say the least

Or as a PP suggested, this may be coming from her husband and not from his colleague's at all.
Helpimfalling · 07/11/2021 14:12

@Udouhun

Stealth boast
Yup
cowburp · 07/11/2021 14:17

Stop socialising with your DH colleagues if they are genuinely this weird.

Bluntness100 · 07/11/2021 14:18

What an odd thread. Unless you look awful or are verging on naked I really cannot imagine why anyone would even care enough to comment, the other option is of course your husband is making it up or I guess you are. But you say you’re also asked questions, it is all so weird and like something from the fifties. Confused

Avarua · 07/11/2021 14:56

OP is drowning under her overwhelming desirability. Send help.

I don't think there's many women who actually think this way? And even fewer people who actually care what married people wear on a night out. It just seems too odd. I'm thinking this is a made up post, probably by a man who is pretty young. Young enough to not really know how women think and young enough to think that we go around flaunting ourselves Hmm

Offmyfence · 07/11/2021 15:10

@WorraLiberty

Looking at your previous posts, you seem to have a bit of a theme going on.

I've just had a quick look and yes, that's putting it mildly.

I had my diplomatic head on!