To think it’s so hard to be healthy working full time?

[Strawbales]

Probably I’ll be flamed here but what the hell.

So when I was at home FT I could go to the gym and use the crèche for childcare for an hour or so. I went on massive long walks with the children, easily doing 20,000 steps some days.

Now … well. I am tired, all the time, I don’t get to go to the gym, I don’t get to go on long walks and because I’m so tired I’m eating rubbish

Please help me before I gain shedloads of weight.

@Chasingaftermidnight

I really sympathise. I find it very difficult. I’m carrying some ‘baby weight’. But if I’m honest it isn’t baby weight at all. It’s ‘working with kids’ weight. Because when I was on maternity leave I got down to below my pre-pregnancy weight with zero problems, walking miles every day with the sling or buggy, shopping for and preparing healthy food, etc. Then my weight shot up when I started back at work.

No real suggestions but solidarity.

Same. This happened to me. I've gained a stone in 10 months since mat leave. Wish I was still off!

Ours are a little older now, primary age, but we ruthlessly prioritised exercise. We had a complicated drop off and pick up regime involving lots of public transport and one of us taking 1 or 2 children into Central London (although I worked a lot of walking into this!). I work quite long hours and travel a bit for for work.

Here's what we did:

-each had a non negotiable night in the week- running club for me and football for dp. Having a commitment- team sport etc- is good because it drags you out even if you really don't want to. The other person does not make plans for that night.
-go later- which as you pointed out isn't ideal (I'm a morning person). I used to do a yoga class that started at 8.15 and DP had late kick off for football
-Split saturdays- I got the morning, and used to do a circuits type class and then coffee, allotment or whatever. DP played football in the afternoon
-Sunday was family time but usually activity based as well- bike rides with the kids in seats, long walks, swimming, allotment. If we did go to a museum or something there would still be lots of walking.

Also, doing a quick whatever- run, HIIT- during the bedtime period doesn't mean missing it all. I used to shoot out for a run while they were in the bath and then still be back for stories etc. I had bad sleepers and it was really tough to motivate myself but we're both much more pleasant people when we exercise. My absolute favourite thing to do is swimming but that fell by the wayside for a long time because the faff of going to the pool takes ages. If I had a very intense period at work I couldn't do it either.

Would it help, as you teach, to think of it across the year? So you do less exercise during term time but can ramp it up during holidays?

It does require a cooperative partner though, which sounds like it could be an issue.

When my daughter was little I used to do ten or 12 minute fitness blender videos while she had breakfast in the high chair next to me. And then one weekend morning go for a run. It wasn't as much as I did pre-baby but it was doing something and meant I still got to see my child outside my working hours.

Before I had my daughter I used to go to the gym after work 2-3 times a week without fail but if I had carried on with that I would never have seen her as I often have travel or work events in the evenings. I think to make it work a lot of parents need to change what they did before. That's why things like the 30 day shred and Davina videos were so popular - people who had been gym bunnies and then had kids could do these from home around other commitments.

I have a similar scenario to you, I often set my alarm with great intentions of a morning workout but with kids every night is so unpredictable. I sometimes manage it. I signed up to online fitness classes that I can do either live or by catch up and I find these great. I aim to fit in 2 or 3 days during the week. Usually I sort the kids, homework, dinner etc and then half an hour before bedtime madness I fit in a workout. The kids potter in and out while I do it but o just get on with it. I need it for my mental health. I had a few weeks lately I was extra busy with school work and I didn't fit in my workouts, and this really impacted my mood. Sometimes you have to prioritise yourself.

I work as a TA so not full time, however I finish at 3 and dd finishes at 3.10 at a different school so it's a stressful drive praying there is no traffic and that I can find a place to park. Dd1 can walk herself home. It's then straight on to after school activities, one night we have swimming X2 then 45 mins to cook and eat before guides run. Another night the girls ride which is a long journey in heavy traffic so we leave straight after school and generally aren't home til 8pm so we pick up McDonald's that gets eaten ok the journey. Other nights still have one activity although I can cook something a bit better there isn't time to walk to the activities and need to jump in the car. Pre work I used to prepare the meal in the day, I too would go to the gym, maybe a coffee with a friend which was good for my mental health as I'm a single parent and don't get a chance to see anyone anymore. We'd then walk to all the activities as the time was there to do so. I to clock up a lot of steps at work as the 1:1 I work with needs frequent movement breaks but they tend to be at a snails pace around the corridors 😆. So like you say, not the same. Sadly I'm not sure there is a solution. We aren't a fan of slow cooker meals and that still needs the time in the morning which is a rush at the best of times and we need to be out the door at 7.50. Weekends the dc are with me cram in all the things they have on, which I often have to swap time with their dad to accommodate as he won't take them to things. It often ends up I have one of them an extra night on his weekend then have to take them to his for one on mine etc so the odd time I'm myself I'm wiped out. Also no freezer and only a small under counter fridge so not really an option to batch cook or prep even if I managed to find the energy which tbh I don't think it would be my first choice of things to do on the rare time I have. I just figure as they get older it will get better. They won't take swimming lessons forever for example and dd will be able to get herself to guides/take her sister once she graduates from brownies and moves up. Yours sound younger bit it will still get easier once they become more self sufficient in the evenings etc.

@Strawbales

I don’t think it’s that I’m not that bothered, it’s more exhaustion tbh.

I’m so tired all the time and there’s so much I have to do I genuinely don’t know where exercise would fit in.

I get it, there's absolutely no was I'd have the physical or mental capacity to go to the gum at 8pm. Not that my day is even finished then, if my dc were old enough to be left when once settled which tbf they aren't far off now, it would be 8.30-9.30 depending on the night and at that time you're lucky if I have the energy to drag myself off the sofa to bed let alone go to the gym. It's just not an option for me when you've barely sat down all day. I know some people can do it but not everyone is the same

I work full time as a lone parent, I have to squeeze exercise into my lunch hours

We don't get lunch hours in schools 😆. By the tone you actually get away as there is always delays there's barely time to shovel a sandwich down your throat or heat up a soup and let it cook enough to finish before rushing back having had no time to even let it go down. I'd say the seared time for my lunch is about 15 minutes by the tune I get away, walk to staff room, have a pee and walk back to class as that's all included in your lunch break time

I’m actively involved in a women’s sports group & it’s striking how middle class the membership is. Out of the women in the group there’s quite a few SAHMs, and although most of the women work they are part time or in professional roles where they are senior and have flexibility. Most of the women are in “traditional” 2-parent set ups.

It would be fantastic to widen the participation but I suppose if you’re a single parent to young kids who works full time I can see how it’s impossible to get to swimming / cycling / running club

@Strawbales

I finish before 6, but DP finishes at around 5. But then it’s stressful managing the children until bath and bed time. I could leave DP to it but seems a bit unfair!

That was our set up and I can't remember DH ever saying anything about unfairness.

He would pick up DD around 5-ish and would potter around with her, doing homework, hitting the supermarket on the way home, tidying up at home etc until I would come in just after 6pm and then I would start dinner.

It needs a while to come up with a routine but I would find it unfair if the partner is not able to cover an hour on his own and do some small tasks.

I don’t get chance to go to the gym, but the amount of time I spend walking and being physically active playing etc has definitely been a benefit of having small children. I think so much time outside is very good for my mental health too.

Oh @Strawbales I could’ve written this myself not long ago (in fact I think I did write a similar post).

I found that the crap food I was eating because I was so tired was making me feel worse and more tired, and actually it became a never ending cycle. I know everyone talking about exercise means well but actually if you don’t have the energy because you’re so tired then I think baby steps are what’s needed.

Try making really small changes with your food. Look for foods that can help boost your energy levels and make you feel better. When you start to feel better you’ll find the energy for other things.

I do 12+ hour shifts and was living off takeaways and just generally not looking after myself. I joined an online group a few months ago that’s been a life changer for me. They do yoga/exercise and recipes and stuff, but actually it’s just the community and people being in the same boat as me that’s made the biggest difference. Like there’s no pushiness, just a lot of people trying to navigate their own busy lives and fit in what they can, as I think most of us are NHS or teachers etc.

It can get better with baby steps - I hope you get there

You’re playing the ‘yes but’ game.

Your schedule, though v challenging primarily due to your job as a teacher, does allow for regular exercise slots. Which would benefit your health, including - counterintuitively - reduce your fatigue.

Perhaps not your preferred types of exercise and your DH would need to do more weekday parenting.

I didn’t used to run. I walked, which is v good exercise in itself, then stepped it up to ‘couch to 5k’ and eventually well beyond. Mainly because it was far more practical and flexible time wise to fit around work and DC than my preferred types of exercise (swimming, gym or group classes).

OP has already made BIG food changes, last year.

Where are you getting the crap you eat from? You have the choice over what you buy, so plan ahead and only buy the things that will make you feel healthier. (I know what teaching breaks are like so appreciate it has to be something quick to eat!)

Get yourself an insulated lunch bag and maybe a wide-necked flask. Meal plan for the week - it's just another bit of homework! If you like the odd hot lunch can you order it from the school canteen?

Organise lunch/breakfast the night before.
Suggestions:
Prepacked salad bowls. Or made ones with salad leaves, dollop of hummous/couscous/feta/olives/hard-boiled egg etc etc. Put your oxygen mask on and ensure you sit down for minimum 10 minutes and have lunch.
Protein yogurt
Banana/apple
Soreen slices
Fruit juice/smoothie
(last 3 can be eaten on the road as breakfast if you really can't manage anything at home. I find an apple in the car a little ritual that really helps fill a hunger void..)
Have little pots of nuts/dried fruit in your desk/bag for quick snacking/energy boost.

Don't put things like crisps in your lunch, it's what you'll grab to eat if you're in a rush so take away the temptation!

YANBU. It's insanely hard to stay healthy while working full time.

Oh my stupid thing is to call in somewhere after work or in the evening to get kids out of the house briefly and buy crap - awful I know!

During lockdown we purchased some home weights and a yoga mat, I pay £13 a month for the Sweat app - and they have lots of express workouts. I think if your weekdays are too full on, making sure you squeeze in a 30 min resistance workout on an app like Sweat on both Sat & Sunday - then mid week, try to go for a walk during your lunch break instead of sitting down. Could do 7000 steps say, listen to a podcast. With walking + weights on the weekend you’ll probably stave off weight gain! And I find I naturally eat less junk when I’m being good with exercise as you are more energised so not seeking carb hits.

@Twillow

Where are you getting the crap you eat from? You have the choice over what you buy, so plan ahead and only buy the things that will make you feel healthier. (I know what teaching breaks are like so appreciate it has to be something quick to eat!)

Get yourself an insulated lunch bag and maybe a wide-necked flask. Meal plan for the week - it's just another bit of homework! If you like the odd hot lunch can you order it from the school canteen?

Organise lunch/breakfast the night before.
Suggestions:
Prepacked salad bowls. Or made ones with salad leaves, dollop of hummous/couscous/feta/olives/hard-boiled egg etc etc. Put your oxygen mask on and ensure you sit down for minimum 10 minutes and have lunch.
Protein yogurt
Banana/apple
Soreen slices
Fruit juice/smoothie
(last 3 can be eaten on the road as breakfast if you really can't manage anything at home. I find an apple in the car a little ritual that really helps fill a hunger void..)
Have little pots of nuts/dried fruit in your desk/bag for quick snacking/energy boost.

Don't put things like crisps in your lunch, it's what you'll grab to eat if you're in a rush so take away the temptation!

Good advice Op you sound like there is something else going on? Unsupportive DH? Even if you cant exercise during the week, eating healthily would help. Exercise at the weekends. You sound in a starve/ binge cycle whi h you know is not healthy.

@Strawbales

Oh my stupid thing is to call in somewhere after work or in the evening to get kids out of the house briefly and buy crap - awful I know!

I resonate so much with what you've said, and as pp says it is a starvey bingey cycle that i've not cracked yet.

I often eat very little at work, maybe a low calorie soup and an apple, sometimes nothing at all.

Then later, becsuse i've restricted so much, i'll end up over eating at meal times, making toast when i'm cooking etc, snacking on cheese. If i need to stop for petrol on the way home, i'll often pick up chocolate/ crisps etc.

Then I feel guilty, so I vow to be 'good' tomorrow and off we jolly well go again.

It always happens when i've got a lot on and i'm not giving my food any head space. I buy things that i know are straightforward and the children will like, but that i find pretty dull or aren't easily reheatable for lunches.

That’s me to a T, @MrsTophamHat

@Chocaholic9

YANBU. It's insanely hard to stay healthy while working full time.

Insanely hard? I disagree.

Yeah I'm finding this at the moment.
I'm leaving the house by 6am most mornings, not getting home until gone 6:30pm, 6 days a week, lucky if I'm not putting in an evening shift somewhere aswell.

I've not seen the inside of my gym for 2+ months, don't remember the last time I had more than 4 hours of sleep and I know meals have been a particular sore point. I've cooked less healthily than I'd like, and I know I've gone 3-4 days not eating proper meals quite regularly. I've just taken a step back from work because it's making me ill.

Sorry to rant!

I get it, op. Maybe start with once per week, either home workout/walk or run. Do that for a few weeks, then add one more session. Better than nothing. This is what i am trying to do. Also, this sounds silly but TWO Minutes of stretches, sit ups every day. That is 14 minutes more per week than i was doing before. Atomic habits.

Teaching is so emotionally and physically draining at times but this is for you.