AIBU that 13 is too young to stay at home alone overnight?

[iwanttobeonleave]

A thirteen year old girl overnight alone? Am I being too soft or is this normal?

She:s too young to be alone all night.

Much too young

How strange op, would you be happy to take her instead. Why didn't she even go a friends house?

No I would not leave mine over night at that age but.. There are so many variables I mean family might live on the same road or amazing neighbours but for me and us definitely not.

No way. I would be nervous leaving my 15 year old home alone overnight though I probably would if it came to it.

Far too young.

13 is too young … but by 16/17 they should be capable of being left overnight! Surely most that age are off to festivals/first holiday with mates etc?

@BigSandyBalls2015

13 is too young … but by 16/17 they should be capable of being left overnight! Surely most that age are off to festivals/first holiday with mates etc?

Yes, they are, and it isn't necessarily a question of whether they are capable. I would leave my 16yo overnight if I had to, because I know she would be fine. I would just prefer not to leave her at this point.

Going away with your mates to have fun is a bit different to being left behind on your own. DD would be absolutely fine with it, I'm sure, but I would feel a bit mean.

Yes, way too young.

I wasn't left alone overnight until I was 16 (almost 17), and I hated every moment of it.

@choli

I'm fairly sure they'd be safe but would be scared and stressed, so I wouldn't. I don't know any 13 yr olds who would be 'scared and stressed ' by it, most would be delighted.

As others have said, they'd be delighted by the idea of it, but when reality set in I think many would feel differently.

I'm a teacher and have a Y8 tutor group, so just turning 13. A lot of them are anxious about walking home alone in the dark evenings, let alone being left alone for a night.

You also have to bear in mind that current 13yos have had a lot less independence than normal over the last 18 months, so many are young for their age.

If one of my tutees told me about this, I'd report it as a safeguarding concern.

OP, if you're worried, let the school know. They can support the 13yo and have a conversation with the parent if needed.

When I got back I was stunned, but she wanted to prove her independence....and I guess she did so.

Not really. Most independent adults don't lie and sneak about. Did you not contact her when you were away? Where did she say she was when you spoke to her?

I would be absolutely furious at mine if they lied to me like that

My brother and SIL left their 16 year old daughter & her 11 year old sister to go out for a meal - this was the first time they'd ever left the pair without a sitter (usually grandparent, but my DB & SIL have hardly ever gone out since having their family).

Half an hour into the time the kids were alone, all the lights and power went down - eldest girl realised it wasn't a power cut as other houses were still alight. She'd no idea about fuse boxes, etc so had to call grandparents, who hurtled round to sort it.

I tell you this by way of indicating that in any sort of emergency, a 13 year old might well be clueless and panic-stricken.

No I wouldn't under 16 but obviously there's circumstances where it really cannot be avoided sometimes eg single parent on shift work or a family emergency, leaving a responsible 15 year old could be the sensible solution. To go and have fun no way unless there's a drip feed and the father/grandmother/aunt lives in the adjoining property or similar

I’m relaxed when it comes to this kind of thing and it is WAY too young. NSPCC guidelines are not to leave U16 alone overnight.

This was quite common among my peer group in the 90s. Most of us had single mothers who needed to work nights so they could be home during the day. Pre minimum-wage days so the jobs were shit and the pay was shitter. No one could afford a babysitter and mobile phones didn't exist. We just watched TV, made toast for supper, mum phoned at a set time (we weren't allowed to answer the phone or the door any other time) then went to bed. It wasn't scary or scarring but it was a differen't time back then. Maybe 13 year olds aren't as sensible these days.

Absolutely 13 is too young to leave overnight.
And once they are older 16+, it depends if they can be trusted. I would absolutely have had a party if left alone at 16.

I think my kids are more sensible, but they are not that age yet.

And once they are older 16+, it depends if they can be trusted. I would absolutely have had a party if left alone at 16.
Probably because the opportunity existed only in your imagination.

girl or boy my answer is no.
I wouldn't leave them alone overnight.

I'm not sure at what age I would've because
a, the question never come up
b, we have lots of kids I wouldn't have left my 13 yo home alone while taking the other 6 with me. that sounds insane

I had to look after my brother overnight before I was that age. My parents were bastards.

@choli

I'm fairly sure they'd be safe but would be scared and stressed, so I wouldn't. I don't know any 13 yr olds who would be 'scared and stressed ' by it, most would be delighted.

I used to stay in our house on my own overnight form about 15. My grandparents lived 2 doors down, but it meant I could stay in my own bed. I was fine. BUT while I was fine, the reality of going to sleep in an empty house was a much bigger deal than I let on. Evening fine, waking up in morning fine, but that late evening, turning the lights off and locking the door and making my way upstairs, suddenly the house felt veyr large and empty, and every noise made me jump.

so, I think many would be delighted by the idea and less delighted by the reality

Definitely NOT.

Sounds very neglectful.

I have a 13 yr old DS and we’d leave for a few hours in the evening but back by their bedtime. I like them awake so they can call if any issues. We’d only go local so 10 mins max home. No way overnight. That’s too much at that age.

I won’t even leave them asleep. My worry is if a fire alarm goes off they won’t hear it. Kids have been shown to sleep through them. My dog was barking all night last night and DS didn’t hear a thing.