AIBU that 13 is too young to stay at home alone overnight?

[iwanttobeonleave]

A thirteen year old girl overnight alone? Am I being too soft or is this normal?

@Dishwashersaurous

The consensus is that 13 is too young. So who is suggesting otherwise OP?

Someone I know has left their daughter overnight to go away with friends for the night. I couldn't understand why they'd even consider doing it. Made me really sad for said girl but I didn't feel i could interfere.

@steff13

Is it your child?

No, I wouldn't even contemplate it. I am trying to understand why someone would. ☹️

If you reported it to the school they would have the parent spoken to. Worth doing if you think it won't be a one off. 13 is considered too young by services, unless it's a crisis, such as a sibling going to hospital, not for a night away.

13 is way too young.

I had an unexpected night in hospital this week. It was planned surgery but I was kept in and this wasn't decided until 8pm.
My ds14 was therefore home alone but he was fine about it. I wouldn't ordinarily do it tho.
It's too young.

I'm fairly sure they'd be safe but would be scared and stressed, so I wouldn't.
I don't know any 13 yr olds who would be 'scared and stressed ' by it, most would be delighted.

@QuestionEverythingOrBeASheep

13 would be asking for trouble. 16 maybe.

What exactly is the trouble you think that they would be asking for?

@choli

I'm fairly sure they'd be safe but would be scared and stressed, so I wouldn't. I don't know any 13 yr olds who would be 'scared and stressed ' by it, most would be delighted.

I’m not sure they would be delighted with the actual reality of it - the idea of it, yes, but it’s different late at night on your own and waking up in a house with no one in it.

Sounds fun, doesn’t feel fun.

I'm fairly sure they'd be safe but would be scared and stressed, so I wouldn't.
I don't know any 13 yr olds who would be 'scared and stressed ' by it, most would be delighted.

I'm pretty sure my 15 year old would be pretty apprehensive about staying home alone overnight. She certainly wouldn't be delighted by it.

@choli

I'm fairly sure they'd be safe but would be scared and stressed, so I wouldn't. I don't know any 13 yr olds who would be 'scared and stressed ' by it, most would be delighted.

I disagree. My ds is 13...he'd probably think it would be awesome and tell me he'd be fine but actually I think once it hit proper night time, he'd be totally freaked out and start getting panicky.

Even if I thought my 13yo could handle it, I still couldn't do it.

13, no way. 15……yes.

My youngest is 14.5 - he’d love it now and would probably pull an all nighter in front of the Xbox with a giant packet of crisps, but I still wouldn’t do it. If there was an emergency (eg as per a pp who was admitted to hospital) then he’d be OK as a one off, but not at 13 so I could have a night away.

I did it all the time back in 2007. I did have parties though so...

Mine's 15, and it would be a definite no on her own*. I might consider it with a friend staying for company (which would also have the benefit that their parents would be on call). That's also only an option because I know she can be trusted not to invite others as well. (Our neighbour's teen had a party in her absence - they went up on the roof and a roof tile was dropped through our extension roof.)

13 is too young. 17 on, ok.

@MynameisWa

I have never left mine alone overnight and the eldest is 17. The closet we got was when she was 16 and we got in at 2.30 am and she was super upset and scared. Although I have friends who leave their eldest at 14 all night to babysit 12 year old. They don’t see it as an issue.

See I find it a bit odd that a 16 year old was upset and scared by being alone until 2.30... she's almost an adult.

See I find it a bit odd that a 16 year old was upset and scared by being alone until 2.30... she's almost an adult

And many adults don't like being alone and also get scared and upset

Too young.

My son is 15 & is very capable of looking after himself . But I wouldn't leave him all night himself . The latest Iv ever left him to is 1am with contact throughout evening ! .. I am a single parent so when he's 16 and someone comes up I may let him then . He can call on my neighbours if there is any problems . 13 is way to young to be left on their own

I think 13 is too young. The majority of 13 year olds I work with wouldn't cope well in the event of an emergency and even the sensible ones would probably panic if they woke up and heard a strange noise in the night.

Depends on the child. Years ago I went away for 4 days to France and had arranged (so I thought) for my daughter to stay at her friend's house so that they could go to school together, she was 13.

Little did I know she was annoyed at having to be "babysat" at 13 and didn't stay with the friend at all, she came back home. She had keys because my working days were longer than her school day so she was used to letting herself in to an empty house. She sorted herself out each day, made herself food, got herself to school and back. Everything was clean, neat and tidy when I returned.

When I got back I was stunned, but she wanted to prove her independence....and I guess she did so. After that I didn't worry so much and checked with her what she wanted to do if I went away. Based on this I would say 13 is fine to leave a young person but it depends on the maturity of the child and what they themselves are happy to cope with.

@MeanderingGently

Depends on the child. Years ago I went away for 4 days to France and had arranged (so I thought) for my daughter to stay at her friend's house so that they could go to school together, she was 13.

Little did I know she was annoyed at having to be "babysat" at 13 and didn't stay with the friend at all, she came back home. She had keys because my working days were longer than her school day so she was used to letting herself in to an empty house. She sorted herself out each day, made herself food, got herself to school and back. Everything was clean, neat and tidy when I returned.

When I got back I was stunned, but she wanted to prove her independence....and I guess she did so. After that I didn't worry so much and checked with her what she wanted to do if I went away. Based on this I would say 13 is fine to leave a young person but it depends on the maturity of the child and what they themselves are happy to cope with.

Surely the fact that she was deceitful shows she wasn't mature enough?

Fuck no! I have a 17y/o and two 15y/o’s and even though in theory, they’re old enough, I know their limitations. Other kids the same age might be okay, but MY kids aren’t ready yet. Thirteen though? Hell no.

@MeanderingGently I'm glad that it worked out ok but I would be furious with the parents of your DD's friend in this situation. Why on earth didn't they contact you when DD didn't turn up at their house as expected? Weren't they at all concerned about her?