AIBU to say no to hosting Christmas

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Bit of backstory to this one but basically last year was my sons first Christmas and I agreed to host Christmas at our house. This was to be my parents, sister and her 2 kids and my auntie who usually lives alone but moved into my sisters last year to help with the kids and have company during the lockdowns. We agreed to do 2 different main dishes as my partner and auntie are vegetarian so had ordered and planned everything. Due to the covid restrictions we were put into tier 4 very last minute (22nd I think and?) and ended up only being able to host my parents as they were in a support bubble with us due to having a child under 1. We dropped off all the spare food to my sister so they only had to get a few bits and whilst it sucked to not be able to have the Christmas we planned everyone got by and we agreed it was the safest thing to do..... now to this year!

Everyone seems to have assumed I would be hosting again. No conversations were had really but in a group chat the other day sister and mum both asked what dishes I was planning and if they should start planning what to bring. The thing is I'm 10 weeks pregnant now and feeling really rough and this Christmas is going to be the only Christmas alone with my little boy before baby no 2 comes along. I really just wanted to spend it just us and have less stress as from my previous experience this rough feeling and sickness tends to last until 20 weeks. I told them this and said I would happily host maybe nibbles and drinks boxing day or something but just didn't feel up to Xmas day. Now I'm getting lots of messages saying how I should host as they missed out last year, that I've got the biggest house so it makes sense, that they'll help with cooking etc etc. My sister even said pregnancy isn't a disability and she's sure I'll feel better by then (I absolutely know it's not a disability just felt I should be honest about how I'm feeling) I just feel really pushed into doing it but want to stand my ground but feel like maybe they're right and I'm being unreasonable as last years plans were all out of whack?? So please Internet strangers help me figure this out 🙈 AIBU?

Nope. Not unreasonable.

They’re the unreasonable cheeky fuckers! Your sister can host your parents & auntie. Or your parents can host your sister and auntie.

You don’t want to. You’ve said no.

Tell them to stop pressuring you, you’ve made your decision and you don’t appreciate the guilt trip or personal comments.

"Sorry I just don't feel up to it. Maybe next year." Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Just, "Yeah I know you'd all like to just come round and have a nice meal cooked for you, but I don't feel well enough so perhaps you could invite each other round instead?"

Wow! They are rude. Just repeat exactly what you've already said to them originally. Keep copying and pasting until they get bored of their own voices. CFs.

Their response would make me 100% dig my heels in.

Simply state you are not doing it. Repeat as necessary.

@HollowTalk

Just, "Yeah I know you'd all like to just come round and have a nice meal cooked for you, but I don't feel well enough so perhaps you could invite each other round instead?"

This.

They sound utter CF!

No you are not unreasonable

Just say no and if they continue to badger you say for the final t8me it’s no, and if you continue I will simply block you

If they continue block them for a while

I'd just stop replying and refuse to engage in any more conversation about it.

Shockingly rude and CF of them

Of course there’s no obligation for you to do this - as a pp said, I’m sure they do want to come and have a meal cooked for them! Pressuring anyway, but in particular a pregnant woman, to run around after others is definitely not on.

Sorry I just don't feel up to it. Maybe next year.

^^
This but without the sorry!

Op, just say no, I’m sorry, but I really don’t feel well and it’s not going to be possible.

You can’t be any clearer than that and if they still insist you can say, I’m sorry but I don’t feel well and it’s not going to be possible.

they missed out last year

?!!

Sorry, but what?! Like that was your fault!

I would just send them both a message now, saying ‘just to clarify, I’m not hosting Christmas-I’m pregnant, I feel rough and don’t want to host. Am happy for people to come here on Boxing Day eve for drinks, but I’m not cooking for anyone other than just us. Just wanted to make that clear’

Then don’t engage.

Pregnancy might not be a disability but it is draining and stressful and in my opinion absolutely awful. No way in hell would I be hosting Christmas dinner for anybody and to be honest I don't know if I'd even offer to have people round on boxing Day for nibbles.
Enjoy the time with your husband and son this year, and they can sort themselves out

Honestly your house. Your life. Do as you please. If you don’t want to host them don’t. Just say no for the last time and disengage they can all get together some place else and have it together there.

YANBU.

They are very rude.

Some good suggestions above as to what to say and text.

I think if you give in this year, you will be stuck with this tradition.

Do you want that?

Your sister is a bit of a bitch.

Not a disability? No. But I have known some people to have absolutely hellish pregnancies.
More that 1 of them.
So ill I have no idea how they went again.

Push back.
Hard and firm.

Shame on them when you have said how rotten you feel.

Complete CF territory.

The “it’s not a disability” thing really grates!

Nobody is obliged to host Christmas just because they don’t have a disability!

Just stay firm and say, on repeat, that you, DP and DS will be having Christmas just the three of you this year.
I wouldn't say anything about not feeling up to cooking etc, as they will simply say that they will do it for you so isn't a problem.

You’re not obligated to host because your house is bigger either! Using that as the criteria, that could mean you’ll have to host every year forever?!

Tell them you are feeling tired and just want a quiet little Xmas this year with DH and D's. Offer to do Boxing day snacks and drinks. Stand your ground.

Your sister is a cheeky thoughtless bugger isn't she. How awful trying to push you into doing all the work. Whether you were pregnant or not you done your turn last year so just keep saying no.

I hate the pregnancy isnt a disability. It isnt. But neither is having a broken leg, the flu, or s sickness bug and all of those would mean you can't host a load of people.

Saying that, I do think it depends on your reasons for doing this and how much your family would help. When you're pregnant with no 2 you really worry about trying to make the most of time with no 1 but honestly they wont even remember, and once you've had the baby you wont give it a second thought. If that is swaying you but you'd like to see your family otherwise then I'd have 'christmas' the day before with your toddler then host everyone on xmas day.

I know my family would genuinely bring all the food (made or bought), cook it, serve it and clear up after themselves while I dozed on the sofa so personally if I had the largest house I'd tell them to come. And I have done that. But if hey weren't those kind of people (and from your sisters comments it doesnt sound like it) I wouldn't feel bad about declining if they say they will help but really you know you will be doing most of it then it's not fair

You are entitled to have the Christmas you want.

Stick with it!
They wouldnt be having ANY future Christmas at my house with this attitude/behaviour!

So strange

Close enough to spend Christmas together

But then this kind of shenanigans

In my family, everyone jumps over each other to be thoughtful to one another over Christmas, even if that means sacrifices are made

Your sister says pregnancy isn't a disability but it absolutely can temporarily (if you are lucky - not everyone is) your ability to carry on as if you aren't pregnant.
I too suffered from extended morning sickness for the duration of both pregnancies. Not only would my family never dream of imposing on me in that state, my parents actually took DS1 for his first Christmas as I was so ill with DS2. DH stayed behind to look after me, so both of us missed the majority of our first childs first Christmas. He had a lovely time by all accounts and that was the priority.
So to summarise, I'd not want to see any of these insensitive twits at Christmas full stop, never mind allow them to hassle me to serve them when I'm quite ill.
Breath taking selfishness.

Dont do it. But dont expect to be invited to their house.

Just suggest places they can all get together without you op, really all your sister has to do is invite your parents round and they can have crimbo together, you had it with them last year.