AIBU to say no to hosting Christmas

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Bit of backstory to this one but basically last year was my sons first Christmas and I agreed to host Christmas at our house. This was to be my parents, sister and her 2 kids and my auntie who usually lives alone but moved into my sisters last year to help with the kids and have company during the lockdowns. We agreed to do 2 different main dishes as my partner and auntie are vegetarian so had ordered and planned everything. Due to the covid restrictions we were put into tier 4 very last minute (22nd I think and?) and ended up only being able to host my parents as they were in a support bubble with us due to having a child under 1. We dropped off all the spare food to my sister so they only had to get a few bits and whilst it sucked to not be able to have the Christmas we planned everyone got by and we agreed it was the safest thing to do..... now to this year!

Everyone seems to have assumed I would be hosting again. No conversations were had really but in a group chat the other day sister and mum both asked what dishes I was planning and if they should start planning what to bring. The thing is I'm 10 weeks pregnant now and feeling really rough and this Christmas is going to be the only Christmas alone with my little boy before baby no 2 comes along. I really just wanted to spend it just us and have less stress as from my previous experience this rough feeling and sickness tends to last until 20 weeks. I told them this and said I would happily host maybe nibbles and drinks boxing day or something but just didn't feel up to Xmas day. Now I'm getting lots of messages saying how I should host as they missed out last year, that I've got the biggest house so it makes sense, that they'll help with cooking etc etc. My sister even said pregnancy isn't a disability and she's sure I'll feel better by then (I absolutely know it's not a disability just felt I should be honest about how I'm feeling) I just feel really pushed into doing it but want to stand my ground but feel like maybe they're right and I'm being unreasonable as last years plans were all out of whack?? So please Internet strangers help me figure this out 🙈 AIBU?

Glad you’re sticking to your guns! I’d go with “I’ve already explained why I won’t be hosting Christmas this year and I won’t be changing my mind” Then just screenshot this response and post it in the group chat any time it’s mentioned.

Stand your ground leave the group chat or put it in mute and let them sort themselves out

All I would say is treat your parents/ aunt/ siblings at Christmas the way you would want to be treated if the shoe was on the other foot.

"I'm not hosting this year. I'm putting my feet up and enjoying the last Christmas just us 3"

I wouldn't even say maybe next year! We have a 6 mo and a 5 yo and have already told my family we won't be hosting this year. Couldn't think of anything worse.

I had hyperemisis in a twin pregnancy and am an employment lawyer. The health damage absolutely qualified as a disabling condition - feel free to pass on my consultant's professional opinion on this ;-)

But seriously, the first weeks can be hell. You do you, and tell those CFs in your family to do one.

Empathy OP. I told my family we wanted Christmas at ours and everyone assumed I was hosting (for the entire Christmas period). I had to shoot it down pretty quick but am definitely getting guilt tripped. SIL has been trying to plan since September and I just reiterated we wanted it at home but hadn’t thought beyond that and she had the gall to tell me she needed to plan because she has a baby. I also have a baby…

Lovely small, quiet Christmas day with your household sounds just right during pregnancy if you've been unwell.

Someone else can host this year, surely.
Who's house have you been to in other years before Lockdown xmas?

@Chocolatewheatos

"Sorry I just don't feel up to it. Maybe next year." Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

This and keep repeating till the end of time.

I will be 24 weeks pregnant at Christmas with my 3rd and have flat out refused to do Christmas for anyone other than the 2 dd, dh, me and and the dog

Don't feel bad for not wanting to host. Your sister, aunt and parents can have Christmas together at one of their houses. Don't apologise or make any promises for future christmases. Just tell them you're not hosting this year so they will have to organise their own dinners. And don't engage with them about it again.

They’re behaving like childish arseholes. Ugh.

Stand your ground, ZERO guilt.

You are your own person, you have your own family, and you needs matter.

@PurBal

Empathy OP. I told my family we wanted Christmas at ours and everyone assumed I was hosting (for the entire Christmas period). I had to shoot it down pretty quick but am definitely getting guilt tripped. SIL has been trying to plan since September and I just reiterated we wanted it at home but hadn’t thought beyond that and she had the gall to tell me she needed to plan because she has a baby. I also have a baby…

I get the need to plan early when you have children because often different parts of the family want to see the baby

@Pumpkinsonparade

Personally I would accept them coming and them effectively doing it all at your house while you take it easy. Next year with 2 x dc you can claim Xmas to yourselves!

Why? The OP doesn't want to. Why should she be forced to do something she doesn't want to do? Why should she have the noise, mess and inconvenience?

Thanks all for the advice. Just to say I saw them both today (it may have helped that I look like death warmed up!) But I just said "To be clear we won't be hosting Christmas day this year and will stay home just us 3 but you're all welcome over boxing day evening and we'll do nibbles and drinks"

My mum was absolutely fine and offered to host at hers. My sister was a bit miffed but didn't say much other than asking when we wanted to exchange gifts for the kids etc (we only buy for the kids in the family not adults)

So glad I stuck with it and really appreciate all the reassurance here. Looking forward to a day in pyjamas and hopefully the least fragrant food as possible haha 😄

Well done you.

Your sister is a piece of work, but I suspect you know this already.

Do NOT be bullied.

Well done OP

That's perfect. You'll enjoy your quiet Xmas day without any pressure and have a few nibbles on Boxing Day that DH can set up . Lay on your bed whilst they are round for a bit f you have to (DH can host and play with DS and niece/ nephews) until you feel well enough to join them that day

I find it best to say as little as possible but say what we'll be doing "no thanks we want to do x and y instead, but we can do z on ...". Your sister says what she wants! So she shouldn't expect different from you

I’m going to go against the grain and say do it in the interests of avoiding a falling out but get them to bring the food, ready cooked, and arrive at lunchtime. So one of them can bring and prepare the turkey (suggest sister), another the potatoes and veg, another the veggie main course etc.

You can provide the physical space and some nibbles and drinks (if they are likely to drink much alcohol, that can be something one of them brings).

It won't cause "a falling out" not to host xmas day. It's ok for op to say no. She can host another year when she's not pregnant and nauseous and feels up to it.

If her Dsis can't understand that, behaves like she's entitled to OPs house and complains, that's Dsis's doing not OPs.