Page 3 | To have had enough of being the only one?

takenforgrantednana · 05/11/2021 19:51

@Huffler

Boyfriend is in hospital. Im self isolating at home as child has tested positive for covid. I am stil being expected by his family to 'look after him' this entails me transferring my friends money (who have never even met my bf) to go buy him pjz toileteries food etc and drop it off at the hospital ward for him. His family are sending me links of stuff to buy online that might help him e.g. pain machines, heated blankets etc and claim they couldnt gt them to him so i should buy it and get it to him? How exactly? Asking me to break the law i dont even have transport. They have not visisted him once or dropped in any belongings hes been in for 2 weeks it has been my friends doing favours for me. Also prior to admission he was covid positive and i had him self isolating at my house. I was out everyday buying pjz, medicines, food and drink as had altered appetite. Im easily out over £250 and im a single parent to two kids. Im just sick of feeling like the buck stops with me when everybody else seems to be sititng on their arses watching me run around and i already have it hard being a single parent to 2 kids, no transport, on universal credit. Theres only so much i can do and im sick of being asked to run around and do things while others sit back. I love my bf of course i wish him better and i will do whatever it takes but its really starting to get to me that me that i seem to be the one having to do all this and i feel guilty asking my friends who also work full time (like myself) and dont even know the guy. Its a relatively new relationship too 6 months. I just feel like his friends or family should be making more of an effort and that it is unfair to expect me to do it all as prior to kids also testing positive i was having to drag them to hospital etc with me to drop bits off pick up washing etc. Aibu? I understand be there for ur partener of course and i have been above and beyond but at some point when does somebody else step in to help too as i cant do it all

"His family are sending me links of stuff to buy online that might help him e.g. pain machines, heated blankets" hes in hospital! he doesnt need anything other than some clean pjs and towel and some wash gear.

no wonder your fed up! now tell all that your phone will be on for 1 hr for "external" calls and you will not be answering any of them other than from the hospital or him the rest of the time and stick to it, if they felt he needed these things then there is nothing stopping them buying them and taking them to the hospital and asking to take onto the ward.

truth be told is that he got covid and then infected the kids with it, youve got enough on your hands, ignore the lot of them,

Choice4567 · 05/11/2021 19:51

I know it’s not the point but I can’t get over how many times you’ve mentioned PJs! Why would you have bought him any- take some of his in. If not surely one new pair? I’m so confused as to why you’ve needed to spend all this money on him

Still1nLove · 05/11/2021 19:52

Why are you doing all of this for someone you’ve only known 6 months!

What an inconsiderate prick! Ask him for the money that you didn’t buying him stuff (he should have expected to buy his own heated blanket etc.)
Of course he wants to move in with you when he comes out of hospital 🤣

Saoirse82 · 05/11/2021 19:52

Your boyfriend is an absolute cheeky fucker ! Unless he's in a coma or has 2 broken hands there's no reason why he shouldn't be transferring the money to you. I've never heard of anyone being so pampered in hospital, plenty of new clothes, new electric shaver, food, electric blankets and medication! Unless this hospital is in a developing country then he doesn't need all that stuff, the hospital can provide for him with the odd change of clothes. No wonder he wants to stay with you when he gets out to see what else he can fleece you for! 6 bloody months, he's seen you coming, that's a brass neck if ever I'd heard of one. Ditch him. He knows you're a single parent but will happily let you spend all that money on him, why have you even allowed this? Speak up for yourself or better still Ditch the free loader. Good luck.

Bluemoononkentucky · 05/11/2021 19:53

Dump his arse.

Come back to stay with you!

He wants a nurse/maid/mummy/personal shopper/financial backer/slave combo while he's ill.

Frigging parasite.

Tell him to fuck off.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 05/11/2021 19:54

He’s completing taking the puss considering you're only 6 months into the relationship. Why couldn’t he pay for the items he needed? I’d be questioning the relationship, he sounds like he will be happy to take but does he have anything to give back to you?

Still1nLove · 05/11/2021 19:54

*he is an inconsiderate prick and you should ask him for all of the money you spent on him!

HollowTalk · 05/11/2021 19:56

Are you and he living together? Are you in a really really serious relationship?

AcrossthePond55 · 05/11/2021 19:58

Now is the perfect chance to get him out of your house, out of your piggy bank, and out of your life. He's a sponger and with him gone you'll have a lot more money to take care of yourself and your DC.

Send him to his parent's to recuperate, change your locks (or take his key off him), and tell him you are finished with him.

Original poster

Huffler · 05/11/2021 20:06

@Bluemoononkentucky

Dump his arse.

Come back to stay with you!

He wants a nurse/maid/mummy/personal shopper/financial backer/slave combo while he's ill.

Frigging parasite.

Tell him to fuck off.

This made me laugh to be fair. I will see though its really altered my opinion of him to be honest i would never soley put all my needs onto him if the tables where turned. @rampantIvy yea my youngest was too young to realise and my second was only 2 so thought he was a friend again didnt really pay attention. Not ideal but i could never date otherwise as i have my kids all the time when not in work. He only ended up self isolating in my house as tested poaitive after being here for 24 hrs so thought he may aswell stay now as if kids are going to get it its too late now. @HollowTalk we arent living together no but he stays in mine 2 nights a week just. My eyes have been well and truely opened girls dont worry not only to all the other things i do and pay for. Definitely not coming to mine after to be lifted and laid i think not cant believe he even suggested it

OP posts:

RampantIvy · 05/11/2021 20:13

Sorry about the harsh replies, but sometimes it needs outsiders to make you realise that he is absolutely taking the proverbial.

Guiltypleasures001 · 05/11/2021 20:19

Is he going to send the money across for you op ?

Original poster

Huffler · 05/11/2021 20:26

@Guiltypleasures001 apparently he insists on giving me the money back when he comes out. Its not even about the money i expect and want to get some things to help just not literally everything. He has his bank card he could of even ordered stuff to my house and i could of just arranged for it to be brought in.

OP posts:

HundredMilesAnHour · 05/11/2021 20:36

apparently he insists on giving me the money back when he comes out.

He's probably using this as an excuse to get his feet back under your table again. He won't want to be without his maid / personal banker.

Tell him to do a bank transfer. And don't even consider letting him through your door before he's paid you back.

He sounds like a selfish user. You deserve better OP. Get your money back and then get rid of him. And whatever happens, do NOT pay for anything else for this leech of a man.

SmileyClare · 05/11/2021 20:36

Hmm he's absolutely taking advantage of your kind nature Op. I expect he's told his family you're "happy" to do everything and they're also abusing your kindness.

Make sure he knows you won't be providing all care on his release. The hospital will want to know where he will be recovering and will put you down on his notes as "providing all care" on his discharge if he tells them. He may even have hospital transport drop him to yours on his release! Phone the ward yourself to tell them if need be

Well done for standing up for yourself. He's really playing the sympathy card to ask for new clothes, pants, a new electric shaver, snacks etc. I wouldn't dream of demanding those (luxury) items and I expect neither would you! He's essentially taking from your family money. He knows you don't have much to spare.

That's more than my husband of 25 years will be getting for Christmas from me

DriftingBlue · 05/11/2021 20:43

Why on earth did you even let him isolate at your house? This is a man you are dating, not someone you have vowed to care for. You exposed your kid to Covid and now you spending money and energy you don’t have on him. His family may be nagging you, but you are the mother here, it’s your job to stand up and say no. Tell them you have children to take care of and that they need to take care of their own family.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/11/2021 20:47

[quote Huffler]@SmileyClare i also work full time although i dont get much universal credit it mainly just pays my childcare. It certainly adds up say 100 on pjs, boxers alone. Has to give him my phone charger as he forgot to bring his and buy myself a new one. He needed a shaver that was about 20, all the toiletries and hospital food about 30, prior to admission the food and medication - approx 30. The heated blanket he wanted -45, the bus and taxi fares to hospital. Also got a pulse oximiter for when he was still at home that was 16 just little things are expensive now a days. Also i gave my friends extra for going out of their way to help him[/quote]
Well since he has his phone with him he can transfer THE MONEY HE OWES YOU for all this stuff he requested you buy for him now. He doesn't have to wait to get out of hospital, he can do it now.

He also said hed like to come back to mine after hospital to "spend more time with me" sadly he will still need alot of care and help when he returns out so i suggested he goes home for a while and let them look after him
What a fucking user he is.

Theunamedcat · 05/11/2021 20:50

Tell him you will accept PayPal via friends and family he has his phone so anytime now will be just grand

BonesInTheOcean · 05/11/2021 20:57

@jagoda

I can't understand why you are doing all this?

Agreed

Why so wet?

Chloemol · 05/11/2021 20:58

Just say no

They send you a link, so and so would like this

You; that’s nice, I can’t afford it how about you buy it, you can drop it if ward xx reception

And repeat and repeat

MadeItOut21 · 05/11/2021 21:03

Ask him to transfer you the money then. It sounds like your relationship just isn't serious enough for him to expect that kind of care. If my partner went into hospital, I'd be doing all those things and more....but if you don't live together and he's making you pay for all that stuff, then I'd say he's taking you for a mug. Dump him and move on.

AcrossthePond55 · 05/11/2021 21:05

@HundredMilesAnHour

apparently he insists on giving me the money back when he comes out.

He's probably using this as an excuse to get his feet back under your table again. He won't want to be without his maid / personal banker.

Tell him to do a bank transfer. And don't even consider letting him through your door before he's paid you back.

He sounds like a selfish user. You deserve better OP. Get your money back and then get rid of him. And whatever happens, do NOT pay for anything else for this leech of a man.

^ This ^

If you let him cross your threshold you will never be rid of him. Tell him to do a bank transfer or mail you a cheque (how archaic that sounds!), but do NOT let him come to yours out of the hospital.

Cocomarine · 05/11/2021 21:17

I’ve voted YABU because although he’s a cock, you’ve brought most of that on yourself!

But well done for standard up for yourself now.

£100 on PJs and boxers? Are you mad ?

What is this bollocks about paying you back when he gets out?

Getting him to transfer it now, tell him you have rent to pay. Get the money before you dump him, otherwise you’re never going to see it.

Cocomarine · 05/11/2021 21:19

I don’t think you’re going to see your money back though. His colours were clearly shown when it was you paying for his stuff when he was isolating at yours - it takes seconds to transfer money to someone, yet he didn’t.

gofg · 05/11/2021 21:21

Just ignore his family - if they want him to have a load of needless stuff they can organise it. He's in hospital, he will get food, medication etc. If they keep pressing the issue tell them to organise it themselves, don't be a doormat.