To have had enough of being the only one?

[Huffler]

Boyfriend is in hospital. Im self isolating at home as child has tested positive for covid. I am stil being expected by his family to 'look after him' this entails me transferring my friends money (who have never even met my bf) to go buy him pjz toileteries food etc and drop it off at the hospital ward for him. His family are sending me links of stuff to buy online that might help him e.g. pain machines, heated blankets etc and claim they couldnt gt them to him so i should buy it and get it to him? How exactly? Asking me to break the law i dont even have transport. They have not visisted him once or dropped in any belongings hes been in for 2 weeks it has been my friends doing favours for me. Also prior to admission he was covid positive and i had him self isolating at my house. I was out everyday buying pjz, medicines, food and drink as had altered appetite. Im easily out over £250 and im a single parent to two kids. Im just sick of feeling like the buck stops with me when everybody else seems to be sititng on their arses watching me run around and i already have it hard being a single parent to 2 kids, no transport, on universal credit. Theres only so much i can do and im sick of being asked to run around and do things while others sit back. I love my bf of course i wish him better and i will do whatever it takes but its really starting to get to me that me that i seem to be the one having to do all this and i feel guilty asking my friends who also work full time (like myself) and dont even know the guy. Its a relatively new relationship too 6 months. I just feel like his friends or family should be making more of an effort and that it is unfair to expect me to do it all as prior to kids also testing positive i was having to drag them to hospital etc with me to drop bits off pick up washing etc. Aibu? I understand be there for ur partener of course and i have been above and beyond but at some point when does somebody else step in to help too as i cant do it all

@mrsm43s

I'd expect someone in a relationship to look after their hospitalised partner before I'd expect friends to do it!

If parents/family are healthy, young enough and local, obviously I expect them to be helping out too. If they're elderly and/or live at the other end of the country, then not so much.

If you were in hospital, would you expect him to look after you?

I don't think its unreasonable to ask him to transfer some money over to you to cover costs if he asks you to get stuff for him. And obviously, its perfectly reasonable to say that when you are self isolating, you're unable to leave home and get things to him.

It’s a six month long relationship. I don’t think this is the OP’s responsibility.

Time to say no
"I'm isolating, so no."
" No, that doesn't work for me"
"You do it, he'd love to see you"
"I'm looking after my own child, so no."
etc

Just say no!

just say no then block them.

Your priorities are your children, BF is not a child and you're not his mother, or his patsy. He and his family are mikling you as a cash cow.

The hospital will supply him with a hospital gown and all the pain relief and food required.

I’m quite staggered that your friends have taken anything to do with it to be honest. If a friend asked me to be fetching stuff for a brand new boyfriend I’d never met I wouldn’t do it and I’d distance myself from her sharpish.

The above is all good advice. If someone close to me was in hospital, I can imagine spending £20-30 perhaps on some treats, but not £250, that's a huge amount. How much will you be spending on his birthday present? How much will he spends on you?
He has his own money, can order things for himself. His friends and family can order things to be delivered to him. Your role as gf is to text him and ring him to cheer him up and let him know you're thinking of him. That's it.

They are CFs!!

Say no and block.

Why is your boyfriend not paying for the things he's asking for?

You poor thing.

Just repeat ‘I’m going to have to ask you to sort that out yourself, I’m not able to.’

If they push (they will, they’re CFs and clearly lazy as fuck) ‘I’m going to have to ask you to that yourself, I’m not able to do it.’

If they ask why?

‘I’ve got too much to handle myself at the moment so I’m not able to pick up extras, I’m going to have to pass that one back to you if you feel it’s important.’

No details.

‘no sorry I’m not able to do that.’

Repeat until they stop asking.

What you're being expected to do is totally ridiculous. Don't do Any more.

You need to be very careful here, OP.

You’re going to end up alienating your friends if you keep making unreasonable requests of them.

You need to stop heading towards a position where you’ll end up prioritising this boyfriend above your children. It sounds like you’re on a limited budget (understandably!) so ensure that you keep your money for your family, and not him.

Will you get the £250 back from him?

Well this is odd. My face literally looks like this

Why you doing all this for some bloke you’ve been seeing six months.

Thank u to all those who replied. I took on board all the advice and rung him and told him directly (also started crying) i said i felt it was unfair that i have been expected to do everything for 2+ weeks and buy all the things u need and that ur family have not even been down once to bring u bits u may need or even see you. He then explained i had gotten the wrong idea and apparently they had been offering to bring stuff down daily and he said no its okay as i had it all under control. This made me angry really and i said that then he isnt the man i thought he was if he was quite happy for me to run around for this length od time spending all my money taking my kids out of isolation to get u supplies and even asking my friends to bring u stuff shame on u and its selfish u didnt think about me once and where quite happy to use me. This actually upset him that i felt "used" but to an extent it had to be said. I know he has been unwell and i personally feel i have went above and beyond trecking in the rain etc ordering clothes pjz even to this day and i explained im not the only person in ur life, i need a break to if even for a day someone could do ur washing or bring u some bits in i would appreciate the help. Still a bit annoyed at him really for telling everyone its okay i can just pretty much get on with it as he thought i "wanted to help". His words. Believe me i have more than helped being his own personal nurse. He also said hed like to come back to mine after hospital to "spend more time with me" sadly he will still need alot of care and help when he returns out so i suggested he goes home for a while and let them look after him as i need a mental break and to focus on the kids for a while as i feel ive been neglecting them to an extent and i will of course visit.

I agree with PP that if he is able to communicate, he needs to be asking his family for what he needs. He hardly needs things brought up every day- surely he can have someone collect PJs and toiletries from his house, and have a few snacks, magazines etc brought up to do him a few days.

Well done on sticking up for yourself.

If you have only been seeing him for 6 months your children won't have met hime yet, surely?

Also, you shouldn't be buying an inpatient medicine anyway. Any medication he is on would be administered by the hospital. He could end up overdosing.

He doesn't actually need food, toiletries or new pyjamas. The hospital provide food and some basic toiletries and he can wear a t shirt and shorts or a hospital gown. They will ensure he's comfortable.

My dh was in hospital recently and I definitely didn't spend hundreds of pounds on new clothes and food for him.

I'm staggered you've blown £250 on him, in 2 weeks? That's a Hell of a lot of money for someone on UC.

Good on you OP.
He sounds incredibly thoughtless. Has he offered to transfer you the money you have spent?
I’d be rethinking the relationship unless he does this and has been incredibly apologetic about placing such a huge burden on you

@SmileyClare i also work full time although i dont get much universal credit it mainly just pays my childcare. It certainly adds up say 100 on pjs, boxers alone. Has to give him my phone charger as he forgot to bring his and buy myself a new one. He needed a shaver that was about 20, all the toiletries and hospital food about 30, prior to admission the food and medication - approx 30. The heated blanket he wanted -45, the bus and taxi fares to hospital. Also got a pulse oximiter for when he was still at home that was 16 just little things are expensive now a days. Also i gave my friends extra for going out of their way to help him

What on earth has cost 250 hospital pyjamas are perfectly fine, I've been in for long periods and used them to save on having to have washing collected.

Hospitals also have toiletries etc which can be used in an emergency. Presumably he has a phone and charger so he could order anything he needs to be delivered to the ward.

I've had Amazon deliveries in the past during peak covid to save anyone having to come to the hospital.

Food is provided too so im not sure how you've spent so much

Cross posted - I'd be asking for the money for all the things you've bought.

Oh OP I'm sorry you've been run into the ground helping him. It's not on. He knows you're on a tight budget and should be offering to reimburse you for every penny you've paid - esp new pyjamas and boxers! It's not your job to be buying all this for him. Please continue to stand up for yourself and make sure he doesn't keep taking you for granted. Step back and let his family look after him - you have your kids to focus on.

I hope your DC are ok and manage not to get too ill

It certainly adds up say 100 on pjs, boxers alone. Has to give him my phone charger as he forgot to bring his and buy myself a new one. He needed a shaver that was about 20, all the toiletries and hospital food about 30, prior to admission the food and medication - approx 30. The heated blanket he wanted -45, the bus and taxi fares to hospital. Also got a pulse oximiter for when he was still at home that was 16 just little things are expensive now a days.

Wait, so he was living with you and your children, yet you have only known him for 6 months?

He isn't your son or your husband. He is not your responsibility. Please learn from this and raise your boundaries and read up on assertiveness.

Do not spend any more money on him.

Is he going to.pay you back?

And a firm no to him moving in with you so you can care for him

Why the fuck would he tell everyone that you had it covered if he knows your isolating and have kids?

He's taking the piss.
Does he intend to pay you back?
And now he's wanting to lay about at your house so you can nurse him
Six months in? And you don't live together? No. He's out of order. You need to tell him the total you've spent and give him your bank details.
And don't get conned into being his nurse. He can rest up in his home.

Can I just say I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself on the phone you were direct and said exactly how you feel. As you said, it needed to be said. Its too much to expect you to be shelling out and getting your friends who don't even know him to be running around for him. Good for you