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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu haven't met his kids yet?

63 replies

Namechangeforthisone86 · 04/11/2021 20:33

I have been seeing a guy for 11months now and I am yet to meet his kids. He has two children from a previous relationship with his ex. I've brought up the matter a few times and I've just been told when the time is right. I have a son myself who he has met and is around etc but I just don't know what to do. We had a rocky start and have had some ups and downs but we've spoken about moving in together but I just don't know how to interpret this. I know he's not with the ex anymore but I just don't know why he wouldn't let me meet them? There's no issues with the ex that I'm aware of and he sees his kids when he's not working

OP posts:
MyCatHatesEverybody · 04/11/2021 20:38

How many months since your relationship stopped being rocky/up and down? How old are all the DC?

TheChip · 04/11/2021 20:41

Its still fairly early days. Have you asked him why he hasn't introduced you yet?

thewhatsit · 04/11/2021 20:42

I don’t think this sounds that U. Surely introducing a new partner to DC is something that is best done slowly and not rushed and especially if you have been rocky…
Moving in together so early (less than a year!) when you have DC isn’t ideal and especially when you say that you’ve had problems in such a new relationship. I wouldn’t rush into anything if I were dating with DC.

Original poster
Namechangeforthisone86 · 04/11/2021 20:44

The rocky part was only the first couple months. This month we will be together a year he met my son fairly early on around March and has been staying with me most of the week so just feel moving in is the next step. There's been no real excuse just a when the times right and he doesn't want me to keep pushing him to meet the kids.

OP posts:
MrzClaus · 04/11/2021 20:44

Ups and downs in an 11 month relationship? He might want to wait until it's more stable before introducing DC.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 04/11/2021 20:44

You’ve only been together 11 months and you had a ‘rocky start’ and ‘ups and downs’? I wouldn’t be inviting you to meet my kids yet either.

Christmasisnear · 04/11/2021 20:45

No need to rush. He probably wants to make sure you're the right one before introducing you. Id much prefer this than the men or women, who introduce their partners to their children weeks or a few months into the relationship and it doesn't last.
I wouldn't want my children to me introduced to several different women

TheChip · 04/11/2021 20:46

Does he have his own place?

PurpleDaisies · 04/11/2021 20:47

How old are the children?

Fireflygal · 04/11/2021 20:47

You have invested and he hasn't. Judge him by his actions, be doesn't want to involve you with his children

How long has he been single? What's his housing situation? Do you have a house?

I think you are crazy to move a man in after a year. It takes 2 years to know someone

Original poster
Namechangeforthisone86 · 04/11/2021 20:49

When I say up and downs I don't mean anything untoward just more disagreements but we were both single for a long time so I guess it was just working out the dynamics of being in a relationship again and not being so fiercely guarded.

OP posts:
TurnUpTurnip · 04/11/2021 20:49

How soon did he meet your child?

Original poster
Namechangeforthisone86 · 04/11/2021 20:49

Yes he has his own place his kids are older than mine 9 & 11 my son is 5.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 04/11/2021 20:50

I think meeting older kids is higher stakes than younger ones.

ParmigianoReggiano · 04/11/2021 20:51

It seems weird that he's happy to talk about moving in together but not yet ready for you to meet his kids. I'm all for not rushing things, but why rush one part of it but hold back on the other? Confusing.

Heruka · 04/11/2021 20:52

I’m sorry but I think his approach re the kids is more appropriate, I think you introduced your son very early, especially in a relationship with a rocky start. Re the relationship, it sounds like he is unsure about the future and in that case it is wise not to introduce kids. I don’t think you should push this.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 04/11/2021 20:54

I think he’s very sensible, and I wouldn’t introduce a new partner to my 5 year old.

BananaPB · 04/11/2021 20:55

You've been together 11 months so he met your child in March after 3 months? Your partner's timeline of 11 months is much more reasonable. Did you or him suggest meeting your son?

hotmeatymilk · 04/11/2021 20:57

Why the rush to move in?

R0tational · 04/11/2021 20:57

No way! You have introduced way too early.

MadameMonk · 04/11/2021 20:59

My therapist is clear with me that it’s one year minimum for introducing a man to my kid (10yo). Not saying it’s a universal rule, but lots of people follow it. It’s a pain in the arse, but I’m convinced it’s a good idea. And that’s a solid year of a relationship with a pretty good chance of a future. If there were unresolved issues or any dramas I’d extend it out longer.

TurnUpTurnip · 04/11/2021 21:02

Oh I’ve just seen he met your son after 3 months well I personally think that’s way to soon so sounds like he’s more cautious than you are

Chickychoccyegg · 04/11/2021 21:02

I would've waited at least 18 months-2 years, you rushed in too soon, he's being more sensible.
Far too soon to be talking about moving in together, you barely know each other and you want to blend families.

Singinghollybob · 05/11/2021 09:38

I think he's being very sensible and wouldn't have introduced my child to somebody I'd been dating for a few months, especially with you saying the relationship was rocky those first few months.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 05/11/2021 19:12

I'm with him, frankly.