Page 3 | Aibu haven't met his kids yet?

Namechangeforthisone86 · 2021-11-04T20:33:41+00:00

I have been seeing a guy for 11months now and I am yet to meet his kids. He has two children from a previous relationship with his ex. I've brought up the matter a few times and I've just been told when the time is right. I have a son myself who he has met and is around etc but I just don't know what to do. We had a rocky start and have had some ups and downs but we've spoken about moving in together but I just don't know how to interpret this. I know he's not with the ex anymore but I just don't know why he wouldn't let me meet them? There's no issues with the ex that I'm aware of and he sees his kids when he's not working

TheChip · 06/11/2021 19:42

I guess that depends on how old his kids are.
Why do they need to know of your existence if he isn't ready to introduce you yet?
Does his ex know about you along with his friends and family?

ThePoisonousMushroom · 06/11/2021 19:50

@Namechangeforthisone86

I understand where everyone is coming from, it has been a whirlwind romance so to speak. I understand the it's way too soon posts I guess being older and knowing what we want is irrelevant I'm guessing no one here has fallen deeply so quickly. But I will clarify when I say rocky start I mean in terms of me being a bit guarded and not as open. I think the main thing that's gets to me is that the kids don't even know about me at all like it's a secret. He's called them once at mine but they didn't know where he was or who he was with. I guess I should have said aibu that they don't even know about me at all?

DH and I moved in together after 3 months. Still married 12 years later. We didn’t have children though, that’s the difference. I would take it far more slowly with children involved. On your other point, yes I would expect him to have mentioned you by now.

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 06/11/2021 19:50

I'm guessing no one here has fallen deeply so quickly.

LOL.

ThirdElephant · 06/11/2021 20:06

@Namechangeforthisone86

I understand where everyone is coming from, it has been a whirlwind romance so to speak. I understand the it's way too soon posts I guess being older and knowing what we want is irrelevant I'm guessing no one here has fallen deeply so quickly. But I will clarify when I say rocky start I mean in terms of me being a bit guarded and not as open. I think the main thing that's gets to me is that the kids don't even know about me at all like it's a secret. He's called them once at mine but they didn't know where he was or who he was with. I guess I should have said aibu that they don't even know about me at all?

People have whirlwind romances all the time, but it can be irresponsible to drag kids into them because they often flame out as quickly as they took off in the first place.

He is not being unreasonable.

canigooutyet · 06/11/2021 20:07

I fell quickly and deeply with my ex, the dad of my children.

Had another relationship for about 18 months, didn't introduce them. If I was on the phone when with him, I didn't mention I was with him. Why would I? They didn't know about him,

At one point we did talk about moving in together. Told him maybe, depends on how everyone got on after several months of knowing each other. If he wanted to move in quickly and act like dad then we needed to finish and find someone else.

Surely if he's at yours all week since March he's already moved in by stealth.

jagoda · 06/11/2021 20:24

Are you sure he isn't still with the ex? This does sound odd...

Cocomarine · 06/11/2021 20:38

@Namechangeforthisone86

I understand where everyone is coming from, it has been a whirlwind romance so to speak. I understand the it's way too soon posts I guess being older and knowing what we want is irrelevant I'm guessing no one here has fallen deeply so quickly. But I will clarify when I say rocky start I mean in terms of me being a bit guarded and not as open. I think the main thing that's gets to me is that the kids don't even know about me at all like it's a secret. He's called them once at mine but they didn't know where he was or who he was with. I guess I should have said aibu that they don't even know about me at all?

Why would he tell them about you?

They’re his kids, not his mates.
They have nothing to gain from knowing about you.
Is he supposed to tell them that you’ve split, putting them through thinking about an adult’s emotions, over something they don’t even need to know about?
What if they pester to meet you? Kids don’t know what’s best for them.

My teen likes to do a faux when I tell her stories now about men I dated between her dad and her stepdad. Only one of whom she met, because he was a friend she knew anyway. I had 8 years of dating stories. She likes to giggle about them now she’s a teen - she says, “I can’t believe it - all that time I thought you were on Netflix, you were on Tinder!”

BonneMaman15 · 06/11/2021 20:39

I've been dating someone for 11 months and there's just no reason for me to see my boyfriends DC yet as we never see each other on the days he is with them.
He hasn't brought it up and I haven't brought it up. He met my DC a month ago only because he's now sometimes here during the week as well. I've never thought that meeting DC is a measure of commitment. After reading this post I am wondering though!

Just10moreminutesplease · 06/11/2021 20:46

I think having ups and downs so early into a relationship is a massive red flag. Even if it is just disagreements.

In your shoes I would have waited longer to introduce my son and would start reducing the contact between the two of them now.

I think he is doing the right thing by not rushing to introduce you to his children. You both need to be 100% committed before involving your children.

And yes, I understand that sometimes people fall madly in love quite quickly. But when you are already parents you’re main responsibility is towards your children.

Ebony69 · 06/11/2021 20:47

@jagoda

Are you sure he isn't still with the ex? This does sound odd...

What’s odd about it? As others have highlighted, his caution is a sensible approach .

backtolifebacktoreality · 07/11/2021 08:58

Think it's odd that he's met your son, expects to stay over with your son there and is now talking about moving in with you and your son. But you can't yet meet his kids?

HugeAckmansWife · 07/11/2021 09:10

Yes OP you are absolutely right. No-one else ever has had a relationship as special and loved up as yours 🙄. I'm assuming your dc lives with you so if you wanted to see your chap regularly and didn't have childcare, he'd have to have been introduced sooner.. Though I agree this should be on a casual 'this is my new friend' basis. Your son is 5, he doesn't need to know any more than that for now. Your partner's kids I'm guessing don't live with him and he only sees them EOW or whatever so no need for them to k ow about you as yet. FWIW I am 5 years into a serious relationship post divorce. We don't and won't live together until my tween kids are adults. He's very much on the edges as far as they are concerned. 11 months is really not a lot.

VeganCheesePlease · 07/11/2021 09:17

I have to gently agree with PP- ups and downs in an 11 month relationship doesn't sound the most stable so I can understand he's waiting a bit more time.