Health visitors, WIBU to opt out?

[Alldayallnight]

I know you can opt out I'm just wondering how many do, and how that is perceived?

It's my third baby so I know the ropes, I don't feel as though I need any particular advice and should I ever have a health concern my first port of call would be the GP. I have support, a DH and family. I'll take baby to clinic to be weighed occasionally however he's making fab progress according to the midwife.

I was told somebody from the HV team would be round this morning at 9.30 so I was up and rushing about, doing dishes and hoovering despite very little sleep, because despite what people say they do take notice to an extent.

They then called at 9.30 and said they had to reschedule for tomorrow which was annoying.

It got me to thinking how unnessecary it all feels and how I don't really want them coming round anyway. I'd prefer to opt out.

AIBU?

I got so little attention from my HVs, it seems to me that they'll visit once then ignore you, whereas if you opt out you'll be drawing attention to yourself and will have to spend more time justifying it than you would have tidying up for a tick-box visit and being forgotten.

@EllieSattler

I got so little attention from my HVs, it seems to me that they'll visit once then ignore you, whereas if you opt out you'll be drawing attention to yourself and will have to spend more time justifying it than you would have tidying up for a tick-box visit and being forgotten.

Hmm, you raise a good point.

I saw them semi regularly with DC1 but only once or twice with DC2 and her most recent developmental review was done over the telephone.

Perhaps it would be better to get the first visit out of the way then hope they forget about us.

Opt out so that they can waste other peoples time.

The only reason I continued to let them come round was because I couldn't be bothered with them red flagging us for opting out.

I felt we had a revolving door of health visitors and only one was compassionate and supportive. The worst one was patronising and I got the impression she spoke down to every mum and was on some sort of power trip. She completely ignored medical letters regarding DC and to be blunt she implied that DC medical issues would go away if I was a better mum. I was furious.

@GinIronic

Opt out so that they can waste other peoples time.

I’ve always opted out, it doesn’t bring any attention to you, it’s a voluntary service so I’m not sure what attention pp thinks it will bring, Ive opted out with all of my children and never heard anything again it will only bring “attention” to you if there are other concerns. I’ve never bothered with them after a bad experience with my first child.

I think we've been lucky with our HV team, they've been brilliant and have helped a lot, but I understand wanting to opt out if yours haven't been helpful. YANBU for wanting to, I've heard they will sometimes flag it up to social services if you do, though. Although I'm guessing even if they did, apart from being a bit of extra hassle, they'll see nothing is wrong and that'll be it!

@LolaSmiles

The only reason I continued to let them come round was because I couldn't be bothered with them red flagging us for opting out.

I felt we had a revolving door of health visitors and only one was compassionate and supportive. The worst one was patronising and I got the impression she spoke down to every mum and was on some sort of power trip. She completely ignored medical letters regarding DC and to be blunt she implied that DC medical issues would go away if I was a better mum. I was furious.

That would rile me, I'm sorry you had that experience.

The one we had with DC1 refused to acknowledge my concerns about autism despite it being blatantly obvious, I got the distinct impression she thought I was being ridiculous and PFB. Low and behold he was diagnosed at 2.10 years and 10 months after I bypassed her and went through our GP for a paediatrican referral.

I’m curious that you’d consider running the risk of the perception (whatever that actually is!) of you opting out - yet are so concerned about the perception of them seeing unwashed dishes. You really don’t have to worry about that.

I'd let them do a couple of visits - they won't be very interested if it's not your first anyway. I had terrible one with my second ,- lost any respect I had when she told me I would damage my babies teeth when I informed her I intended to breastfeed past a year old

@Cocomarine

I’m curious that you’d consider running the risk of the perception (whatever that actually is!) of you opting out - yet are so concerned about the perception of them seeing unwashed dishes. You really don’t have to worry about that.

I probably don't, but I feel uncomfortable having visitors when the place isn't tidy so always tidy before visits. It's a longstanding habit that's hard to break especially when it's a professional coming.

I've also read a few posts on here over the years from people saying their home has been critiqued when HV's have been round, even one from a woman saying the health visitor wanted to have a look around the whole house (I know you can say no, it's just awkward)

@Dogscanteatonions

I'd let them do a couple of visits - they won't be very interested if it's not your first anyway. I had terrible one with my second ,- lost any respect I had when she told me I would damage my babies teeth when I informed her I intended to breastfeed past a year old

Bloody hell, yeah that would really get my back up too. The cheek

I found them a complete waste of time. Questions like "What job do you do?" Why? I said that it wasn't relevant, although it was on the tip of my tongue to say "One in which I turn up at the time I say I will."

They are a waste of time. Even when I had my first baby I felt like I gained nothing from their visits.

My health visitor was awful when I had my first so I didn't use one second time around. Long time ago so decided to use HV for my son. It was a mistake. No contact for months on end. When they finally did see me she basically told me off for not being in touch earlier as my son was delayed.
This is despite the fact I had phoned several times and over the phone was told not to worry.
I didn't frantically clean the house so I expect I have a black mark against my name anyway

But if you don't want to use the HV just call them and say that.

I agree with @EllieSattler - one visit and get them out of your life. I found the service useless, can’t understand people apparently like me who rave about the HV support they got.

My HV showed up once, called to reschedule her second appointment as she had to collect her kids and was then never seen again. I don’t feel like I massively missed out.

You have three kids, you know what you’re doing. I wouldn’t worry about it.

My last one was awful - insisted on meeting all my DC, as of I was keeping them in a dungeon or something
I felt judged and uncomfortable and I'm not a shrinking violet type - I'm very good at advocating for myself, but she caught me when I was hormonal and made me feel 100x worse. She was so clunky in her approach. On the basis of that experience I'd never have a HV in my house again.

I also think it's incredibly rude when they turn up without prior agreement. I understand why they do it and in theory I do believe that if they save one child from harm then it's obviously worth putting up with their clunky approach. But on a personal level I feel they often do more harm than good and can tip women, at their most vulnerable time, into PND.

I think the whole service needs remodeling because I'm not convinced it's fit for purpose.

wish i had opted out especially with my third, she was a right patronising cow.

Walks in and says "I know this is your third but I am going to just talk to you like you have never had a baby before" any attempts at me replying were sharply spoken over.

I have never felt so insulted and unheard in my entire life. I declined all future appointments after that.

Just opt out. I have opted out with all my children and no repercussions.

I’m pregnant with my second and would be opting out if I thought it would make a difference. With my first we had one 10 min visit where she handed me a list of the HV clinics for weighing etc and pointed out the vaccine record in the red book and asked if we were vaccinating. Never heard from them again. Would probably be more hassle to cancel it.

The reason I’d be wanting to opt out is because I did ring them once when DD was a few months old, very upset, I was suicidal with PND, and thought they’d be able to signpost some help. They told me to call back in a few days when the “phase has passed.” I hung up thinking that I might actually not have a few days. So I have no interest in them, and their “help”.

When I had my third she only came round for a cup of tea because there was a first just around the corner. We spent more time talking about choosing secondary schools for our older daughters (same one as it turned out). But then if you're too busy just cancel in the moment, I don't think they'd be overly concerned.

YANBU to feel this way but it’s probably easier to let her do her checks since the appointment is already made !

My health visitor has ignored me for the past year. I called to make appointments for my 2 year olds review and my 11 month olds review . I was asked if I had any concerns and when I said no they told me no need for an appointment. I also didn’t do a single weigh in with my second born except for his 8 week one ( and his 5 day old one ). He will be one on Sunday . I weigh him on my scale at home and although it’s not as accurate as a doctors baby scale , I can see he’s gaining weight very well. He loves the boob and his food and I have no concerns with his weight .

I wouldn't opt out. I've had kids with global delay and eye problems and the health visitors are always the ones who have referred them for investigation, so have proved useful. I think you're drawing attention to yourself and making it look likes there's a problem if you don't see them. They can give advice you think is irrelevant but you can disregard if you know better.