Health visitors, WIBU to opt out?

[Alldayallnight]

I know you can opt out I'm just wondering how many do, and how that is perceived?

It's my third baby so I know the ropes, I don't feel as though I need any particular advice and should I ever have a health concern my first port of call would be the GP. I have support, a DH and family. I'll take baby to clinic to be weighed occasionally however he's making fab progress according to the midwife.

I was told somebody from the HV team would be round this morning at 9.30 so I was up and rushing about, doing dishes and hoovering despite very little sleep, because despite what people say they do take notice to an extent.

They then called at 9.30 and said they had to reschedule for tomorrow which was annoying.

It got me to thinking how unnessecary it all feels and how I don't really want them coming round anyway. I'd prefer to opt out.

AIBU?

I've had kids with global delay and eye problems and the health visitors are always the ones who have referred them for investigation

When? I didn’t turn down a single appointment with DD, they just only made one and then disappeared off the face of the earth. Unless DD had a global delay that was noticeable at 10 days old, the HV wouldn’t have seen it.

I would look up to see if clinics aren't running. Due to Covid everything has been appointment to my house and my son is now 8 months old and they're no closer to restarting clinics in my area

Yanbu I am expecting my third and I will be opting out. My health visitor with my first baby berated me for formula feeding and told me I’d let my baby down (despite not being able to for medical reasons!) My second one gave me a stern talking to because she thought my age gap between my children was too small. I told her how well my eldest was doing and how much he loved the baby and she just found ways to make everything negative and said how much they would both suffer it left me feeling really shit. Cannot be bothered with the negativity this time.

The HV for my second child was lovely. My Mum had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer, I was in an emotionally abusive marriage (though hadn't acknowledged that myself at this stage) and looking back now (12 years later) I can see that she went out of her way to be a consistent, caring person.
She was in my life for about 5 months I think, showing me baby massage and having a chat.

I didn't open up to her - again I see now that I was using my own (unhealthy) coping mechanisms - but she was doing her job really well and would have spotted signs of me being overwhelmed.

@SickAndTiredAgain

I've had kids with global delay and eye problems and the health visitors are always the ones who have referred them for investigation

When? I didn’t turn down a single appointment with DD, they just only made one and then disappeared off the face of the earth. Unless DD had a global delay that was noticeable at 10 days old, the HV wouldn’t have seen it.

They do development routine checks at 2 years and again at 3 ( I think). They can be involved up to when they start school, then they're under the school nurse.

And you can ask to see them. My youngest is 4 so not sure if anything has changed in that time.

It is a voluntary service, you will under no circumstances be put on any 'watch list' because you opt out of seeing them. Absolutely ridiculous that anyone would think this!

If you don't want to see them just say you don't feel it's necessary. It's exactly what I did with my 3rd. The HV said 'no problem, you know where we are if you need us'.

To be honest they are probably so busy they'd be grateful for one less person to see!!

I opted out for few reasons.

1. was my 3rd child so i felt like a knew the ropes.
2. middle of the pandemic
3. I know how overstretched they are (family member is one) so want them to use their resources on someone who needed it.
4. I have an excellent GP that i can go to with any concerns.
5. We are an out and about family therefor them booking in on a tuesday without giving a time didnt suit me.

So i just opted out, said i knew where they were and would call if i needed them and use my GP also for any concerns.

I'd opt out if I was you. I doubt you need them for anything.

I'm expecting my second in a few months and am quite worried about their visits as my new house is a complete state and needs a full renovation. We've moved county and they made a huge fuss about seeing my older daughter when we moved here so I feel like I have to have them in with the second. The lady who came to see my daughter was lovely and I would happily have her in, but if it's someone else I can see how the current state of the house could give them worries for a new baby.

I work in HVing, we (or at least the area I work in) would much rather you opted out if you didn’t want to see us, it frees up time to see families that maybe have more complex needs.

Nobody will flag it up if you decline visits, unless of course there has been previous concern or social services involvement.

I know it’s habit that you clean your house before a visit but I promise that unless you live in an actual hovel, we (the majority!) don’t care.

If you find that you do want to access the service at any point before your child starts school, you can still call your team if needed.

@furbabymama87

I wouldn't opt out. I've had kids with global delay and eye problems and the health visitors are always the ones who have referred them for investigation, so have proved useful. I think you're drawing attention to yourself and making it look likes there's a problem if you don't see them. They can give advice you think is irrelevant but you can disregard if you know better.

You can still contact them for this kind of thing even if you opt out. I opted out but contacted them for help with my daughter who is likely adhd. They are bloody useless though and keep telling me to do parenting courses, the content of which doesn't work because my kid has adhd

Hi OP, I opted out with my second child. There were no repercussions whatsoever. I find it highly disturbing that people agree to having HVs visit out of fear. We live in a free society, not a totalitarian state.

I opted out with my first and second babies and now pregnant again and will opt out with this one too. They pushed abit more to have contact with my first but after a couple of firm no's they have left me alone.

Not HV's but DN's. I did have problems with them when my late husband was ill and they would either TELL me when they were coming or arrive without notice. There was no reason for them to do either and I know this because I used to manage that service before I retired. Once they had clocked it was me they were much more amenable and the culprits were not sent again. YANBU definitely

Oh yeah I agree the parenting courses are useless. I think it's just a box ticking thing for them.

YANBU at all! You said this is your third DC and you know the ropes, so there’s no reason to stress yourself out with unnecessary visits.

Personally I found the HVs invaluable for DS as he was my first. They referred me for breastfeeding support and other groups in my area that I could join. They also helped me contact my GP (who are useless, I can never get through on the phone let alone get an appointment) and fast tracked my 6 week appointment because I had issues with my episiotomy stitches!

One HV even gave me her number and said if I ever had any concerns I could contact her directly. She said she often had mums sending her pictures of the odd rash and asking for advice (she’s a qualified nurse).

But I’m aware I may have just got lucky so I can definitely understand opting out.

@furbabymama87 maybe it’s a covid thing, DD is 2.5 and we never had anything come through about any checks at 2 years.

I had the HV and a trainee HV round after I'd had dd2. First of all the HV commented that there seemed to be a lot of toys in the living room. Two up two down and my 3 yo dd1 was in full play mode. HV asked dd1 if she liked princesses. Dd1 said no she didn't. Instead of asking what she did like, HV scowled and said it very unusual that dd didn't like princesses. This got my back up and I informed the HV that I don't think my dd not liking princesses is as issue and just because she's a girl we don't need to make any assumptions. Trainee looked very uncomfortable at that point.

Then the HB started talking about weaning (dd2 was 3 weeks old) and I needed to make a note of when the weaning class was. I attended that class with dd1. The person running it spent 30 minutes telling us what blender to buy. I'm not kidding. HV said it was "vital to understand how to wean". I asked of the guidance had changed at all in the last three years. Trainee confirmed it had not and looked utterly mortified.

With dd1, as I wasn't exclusively breastfeeding, the HV told me to "put some make up on and go out for a night out!". I was teetering on the edge of PND due to my breastfeeding failure that landed dd in hospital because I effectively starved her. HV knew that. And I was wearing make up.

In short, you don't have to engage! I wish I hadn't....

I didn’t have hv with my first and won’t with my second. Waste of time in my opinion.

The health visitor service is very helpful when you have concerns about your little one. With my first we got referred for hearing tests and with my second his eyes needed looked at. you could always just say you don't feel like you need the visits but you'd like to keep them if you need them

I offered my HV the option to opt out of my prebirth visit with my 4th because it was the same HV I'd had with 1, 2 and 3, so she knew me, I knew her, no need to pop round before the birth at all.

Once I reminded her she said oh no let's not bother.

I was happy to have her over for the handover from MW visit and the 6wk check. Then as in all others I didn't see her again! And covid hit so DS didn't get a 1yr review and is looking like he won't get a 2yr one either....

Dc5 they didn't offer to come prebirth and again did the two post birth visits. Which because DS had had no reviews I used to quiz her about his speech and language. Due to covid she has never been weighed, but I kind of know what I'm doing anyway.

I've never had any additional input from them beyond routine. I know where they are if I need them.

If you opt out then it becomes really, really difficult to get the development checks done as GPs don’t do them unless the child is showing quite severe problems.

My friend opted out & little girl has been losing weight consistantly since she was 6 mths old but as it doesn’t hit a specific benchmark the GP wasn’t interested and as the HV didn’t have her on her books already they could not see her - as they weren’t allowed to. In the end my friend had to go to the local children’s A&E for regular weighing / measuring appointments with a pediatrician which was really inconvenient.

2nd baby here. She turned up, weighed and measured baby and then we have never seen her again. Assume we will here from them again when baby is 12 months?

Take the visit and then forget - they are so stretched now you won't here again

Opt out.
I've opted out both times, one tried to tell me she was reporting me to social services because DD vaccines wasn't up to date... it was 3 weeks late and had to rescheduled due to illness. Told her to go pick on a real family whose neglecting their kids and to shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

I find them utterly pointless.

They were useful with pfb - then we moved area and frankly they were a complete nightmare and I really wished we'd opted out.

With third though saw them twice - one house visist where she made some unpleansant remarks and then development check with someone complete different.