Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Playground mums

60 replies

Vicky1110 · 04/11/2021 08:55

Hello, not AIBU but not sure where to post.

Dropping ds off at school this morning I saw one of the other mums in her car and it looked like she was crying, and her DH walked off towards home. And I'm just wondering should I message her and see if she is ok? I'm guessing most people will say no because she would talk to me if she wanted to, but just wanted to see what people thought (i.e. whether you would want someone to ask if you were ok or stay out orlf you business).

For reference I know she doesn't have work today and saw her drive towards her home, and she has briefly explained some issues that she/they are having at the moment.

So I guess YABU - stay out of it, don't message her.
YANBU - message her to see if she's alright.

Tia x

OP posts:
Comedycook · 04/11/2021 08:56

Don't message her

raffle · 04/11/2021 08:58

Sounds like you know her fairly well for her to have discussed her marriage problems with you and for you to be aware of her work pattern?

HotPenguin · 04/11/2021 08:58

We can't tell you as it depends on your relationship. If you are close friends message her, if just acquaintances then don't.

somewhereoverthechipshop · 04/11/2021 08:59

Definitely stay out of it. If she was in her car it was a private moment!

NotLikeTheOthers · 04/11/2021 09:01

Send her a message that doesn't require a reply 'hope you're ok today, I'm free for a walk/cuppa/sesh if you want'

Kittykat93 · 04/11/2021 09:02

I disagree with the majority. It sounds like you are friends, if I thought I'd seen a friend crying then I'd check they were okay.

Fdksyihfd · 04/11/2021 09:02

Is she someone you might message in general? I think if she was a friend then I’d message just saying hi and think of an excuse to message but not say you saw her. However if you wouldn’t normally then don’t message her

Original poster
Vicky1110 · 04/11/2021 09:02

@HotPenguin that's kind of why I'm asking because we're more than acquaintances but not close friends. We talk at the playground alot and walk home together (when not driving) but I don't see her outside of that. But as @raffle has said i do know her fairly well in that I know her work pattern and she has briefly explained what is going on.

I just don't want to stick my nose in where is not wanted or cause any upset.

Also, just FYI (not that I think it makes a difference?) but she is 10yrs my senior.

OP posts:
DoodleBelle · 04/11/2021 09:03

Message her to ask if she fancies a coffee or something this afternoon but don’t mention or imply that you saw her upset

LawnFever · 04/11/2021 09:03

Depends how close you are, and if she didn’t see you then you could message her without specifically mention you saw her crying and just say, ‘hi, fancy a brew today’ if that’s something you’d typically do anyway?

Then it’s up to her if she wants to talk but doesn’t put her on the spot and embarrass her that you saw her upset.

Original poster
Vicky1110 · 04/11/2021 09:06

@Fdksyihfd we message every now and then but it's generally about kid stuff (i.e. offering to take the others DC to a party, or going to the park).

For those saying about having a brew, we've never done that before - we've said about it but never done it.

OP posts:
SparklyLeprechaun · 04/11/2021 09:07

I'd message, simply because I have been in that situation and I didn't feel like I could reach out to anyone to talk to. If she doesn't want to talk she can easily dismiss your concerns.

MrsFoxyplease · 04/11/2021 09:08

She's spoken to you previously about issues and you seem to know her well enough to know she isn't at work today.
I think I'd wait a couple of hours then send a message.

Xmassprout · 04/11/2021 09:09

I wouldn't say you saw her upset, as if it were me I would be really embarrassed and completely close myself off. Not saying she would, but people would react in different ways.

I think a better option would be to message her and see if she fancies a chat over a cuppa as someone else said

billy1966 · 04/11/2021 09:10

I think you could send a message to ask her does she fancy popping in for a coffee this morning as you are at home.

If she takes it up, you know she might feel like a chat.

If not, leave her be.

She might appreciate the ear of an older woman.

Flowers
Heiferr · 04/11/2021 09:10

For those saying about having a brew, we've never done that before - we've said about it but never done it

Sounds like today might be a good time to follow through? If she's not up to it, she can say no but it might just be the gesture that she needs right now

hardyloveit · 04/11/2021 09:13

I'd message. I've seen people upset that aren't exactly my friends and just sent a short message and they have all said how appreciated they were. Don't ask questions as to be nosey though

Scout2016 · 04/11/2021 09:13

Given that you know what the problems are and we don't, is it the sort of thing you would be able and willing to support her with for longer if needs be? If you move into being someone she confides in or turns to when upset, do you have ongoing capacity for that?
A coffee today to get her out of the house and cheer her up might be the end of it, but if you go down the road of asking if she's OK you have to be able to be there if she says she's not and show support beyond today.

maryberryslayers · 04/11/2021 09:14

Definitely message her, what harm can it do to let her know someone cares enough to check in?

SorenLorensonsInvisibleFriend · 04/11/2021 09:16

I'd send a casual message. You might be the only person who reaches out to her today. Even if she says no, you've lost nothing and know that you've extended kindness.

driftcompatible · 04/11/2021 09:17

Message her. You don't need to mention seeing her. Just a friendly hello message asking how she is and if she wants a coffee at some point may 1. Make her feel a little better knowing someone cares 2. Opens the door to conversation.

You don't need to say 'saw you crying - what up?' like it seems some warning you off think you might attempt!

NellePorter · 04/11/2021 09:20

I would message her, as PP have said don't mention that you saw her crying. She may be desperate to know that someone cares.
I don't think the fact that you are younger than her makes any difference.

Original poster
Vicky1110 · 04/11/2021 09:24

@hardyloveit did you just ask if they were ok? Would you mention that you saw them upset?

@maryberryslayers that's what I was thinking, she can only tell me to naff off, I just don't know what to say to her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Vicky1110 · 04/11/2021 09:25

@NellePorter I think I just don't know what to say, I'm not great with words.

OP posts:
NellePorter · 04/11/2021 09:27

I'm sorry, me neither! I just read back my post and it comes across quite cold, irl I'm the warmest person Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread