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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is an unfair split of finances?

58 replies

troobleflooble · 03/11/2021 15:04

Bf and I are talking about moving in together, not quite yet but as some point in the near future.

He owns his house and I rent. He earns a lot more than me, I unfortunately am on a very low income at the moment (hoping to change this in the future!). He also has pets and a lot of extra expenses that I don't have (car/life/pet insurance, subscription services etc) plus his mortgage so his outgoings are a lot more than mine.

He suggested that when the time comes I just pay half of all the bills while he continues to pay the mortgage on his own. I'm a bit uncomfortable with this because I don't see it as a fair split, if I stay at my place I'd be continuing to pay rent which I'm saving by living with him.

Just to make it clear, I wouldn't ever expect to get a share of the sale of his house based on 'paying in' to his mortgage, I would purely consider it 'rent' that he could use to pay off his mortgage earlier or save as he deems fit.

However, since my income is so low, is this actually a fair split? I've never lived with a partner who's had a mortgage before so any other time it's always been either a 50/50 split on everything regardless of income or I've paid 100% of everything due to being the breadwinner. I have no idea what would be fair for both of us! Please advise wise MNetters 😁

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 03/11/2021 15:08

Impossible to say without knowing your incomes and future plans.

On the face of things you're making the bigger saving, but you are also taking the risk as you could be left with no where to live.

girlmom21 · 03/11/2021 15:12

Why don't you propose that you save whatever you'd spend on rent in a fund for you both?

Or do all the food shopping.

Clementineapples · 03/11/2021 15:15

He should be responsible for his personal outgoings and you should be for yours.
Household bills should be split according to salary. I personally think (although will be attacked for this) that the person contributing less financially should contribute more in the housework and cooking etc

Hont1986 · 03/11/2021 15:18

Depends on your incomes, really. 0% of mortgage and 50% of all other bills is a great deal for you. Take it for now and increase your share of the bills when your income is higher.

traintraveller · 03/11/2021 15:21

I'd suggest half all household bills and food shopping plus maybe a token "rent" of £100 or so.

Triffid1 · 03/11/2021 15:23

I've commented on threads like this where the woman is the house owner. My opinion is the same either way - of COURSE you should pay rent. But you are a partnership, so it's perfectly reasonable for you to pay him rent at a lower level than you were paying before. In this way, you both win - he gets a contribution to his mortgage (ie saves money) and you are paying significantly less in rent than you would otherwise, allowing you to save and/or improve your quality of life.

Bills split equally (although spend time working out what those bills are - eg are you going to split the cost of the pet care?)

Original poster
troobleflooble · 03/11/2021 15:27

Yes exactly right @Stompythedinosaur, which is why we're going to wait a bit. I do trust him absolutely but I've been in a difficult position before where things went wrong and I had no where to go.

I'm using made up figures here but just as an example:

His income: 2000
His mortgage: 400
His bills: 800
Spare money: 800

My income: 800
My bills: 150
My rent: 400
Spare money: 250

If I move in it would be:

Him -
Mortgage: 400
Bills: 400
Spare money: 1200

Me -
Bills: 400
Spare money: 400

I could just save as much as possible and put it towards future big expenses like holidays etc. I would say we'd like to buy a place together at some point but my income and credit rating is so low it's unlikely I'd be eligible for a mortgage. This hopefully will change in the future but I think I should assume I can't for now to be on the safe side as I'd hate to let him down.

We are both mid 30's, no plans to have kids.

I'd be more than happy to do most of the household chores, especially since I'm only on part time hours at the moment (not out of choice!).

OP posts:
mrsm43s · 03/11/2021 15:45

I think you should pay half household bills, plus a token rent (say £1-200 per month), but he should pay the mortgage (obviously) and also he would pay for all household maintenance and repairs as its his house (hence why you should pay at least some "rent" to cover your wear and tear). This would be assuming that you accepted (and legally tied down) the fact that you have no claim on his property, and are just paying rent, not buying a share in his house. The rest of the savings that you make (i.e the difference between paying a full rent and a token rent) you should put into a long term savings account in your name alone, and that would form your "nest egg" should you need to move out in the future. This gives you some security of your own. Obviously, over time, your relationship may change and you may decide to buy into his property or buy a property together. Your nest egg would be your contribution for that too!

So basically, a token rent amount, and long term savings in your name.

Ozanj · 03/11/2021 15:47

If you can’t afford to live together just yet tell him.

TractorAndHeadphones · 03/11/2021 15:49

You’re moving into a house of his choosing - if it’s bigger than what you’d normally have chosen you shouldn’t be made to pay for it. Your expenses shouldn’t increase when moving in with a partner rather the other way around!

He’s benefitting from you beinf there either way as an extra person doesn’t double the bills.

You should sit down and work out a figure that takes your presence into account and add a figure on top for rent. Pay that. It’s likel to be 1/3 of bills plus a token rent.

Pets etc not your business.

TractorAndHeadphones · 03/11/2021 15:50

Also DONT do the household chores. Especially as he has pets etc otherwise he’ll take you for granted.

girlmom21 · 03/11/2021 15:50

@Ozanj

If you can’t afford to live together just yet tell him.
She can afford it. She wants to pay more than he's asking for.
Feelingofftoday · 03/11/2021 15:50

@Clementineapples

He should be responsible for his personal outgoings and you should be for yours. Household bills should be split according to salary. I personally think (although will be attacked for this) that the person contributing less financially should contribute more in the housework and cooking etc
Yeah, you're right you will be attacked for that

Understandably

I mean, wtaf are you thinking with that bullshit????

Legoninjago1 · 03/11/2021 15:53

I think you should pay half of utilities and anything else that you're consuming equally. However any other recurring expenses should be up to him. As you're living there rent free that's should be good situation for you, no?

LethargicActress · 03/11/2021 15:53

Half of bills and you paying a small amount of rent is fair, as long as it’s genuine bills and you don’t end up paying for his football channel subscription or anything like that that you have no interest in and wouldn’t use.

At this point, it’s not about splitting finances so that you have equal spending money, you’re not married and you don’t have children so there’s no need for him to be subsidising you, even if you are on a lower part time wage.

L0bstersLass · 03/11/2021 16:01

@mrsm43s

I think you should pay half household bills, plus a token rent (say £1-200 per month), but he should pay the mortgage (obviously) and also he would pay for all household maintenance and repairs as its his house (hence why you should pay at least some "rent" to cover your wear and tear). This would be assuming that you accepted (and legally tied down) the fact that you have no claim on his property, and are just paying rent, not buying a share in his house. The rest of the savings that you make (i.e the difference between paying a full rent and a token rent) you should put into a long term savings account in your name alone, and that would form your "nest egg" should you need to move out in the future. This gives you some security of your own. Obviously, over time, your relationship may change and you may decide to buy into his property or buy a property together. Your nest egg would be your contribution for that too!

So basically, a token rent amount, and long term savings in your name.

I generally agree with this, you should only pay half of the household bills, so things like electricity, gas, water, phone line, broadband etc.

He should pay his personal bills - car/life/pet insurance

I don't know what subscription services are. If you make use of them then you should pay half.

Token rent of £100 a month seems fair. Do not leave yourself short.

L0bstersLass · 03/11/2021 16:02

@TractorAndHeadphones

Also DONT do the household chores. Especially as he has pets etc otherwise he’ll take you for granted.
This. And not just because he's got pets, but more importantly because it's not your job.
Hont1986 · 03/11/2021 16:03

I'm not really sure what you want, OP? In the OP it sounds like you think you don't think it's a fair split because you wouldn't be paying enough, but that finances breakdown makes it look like you think he isn't paying enough? What is it specifically that you think is unfair?

Plastic01 · 03/11/2021 16:07

What are the bills that are coming to £800? I would split utilities and food but if he's got expensive phone contracts / gym memberships etc. then that's on him.

LethargicActress · 03/11/2021 16:08

Why shouldn’t she do household chores? She will be living in the house and it’s no one else’s job to clear up after her just because it’s someone else’s house.

Household jobs should be shared, and in any worthwhile relationship it would make more sense for the person who has more time free of work to do the majority of them so that it doesn’t cut into leisure time when it doesn’t have to.

knittingaddict · 03/11/2021 16:09

@Clementineapples

He should be responsible for his personal outgoings and you should be for yours. Household bills should be split according to salary. I personally think (although will be attacked for this) that the person contributing less financially should contribute more in the housework and cooking etc
No, I totally disagree with this. Housework should be split according to how much time people have. If both work a 40 day week then all housework and cooking should be split equally.
TeamRick · 03/11/2021 16:10

As you aren't married I would either save your old rent money so that you could buy somewhere yourself even if it was to rent out or if you decide to buy together in the future a lump some to put in to that!

Don't put all your money in to the pot as you'll leave yourself in a vulnerable situation if you split!

lunar1 · 03/11/2021 16:12

You both come out of it a bit better off than you were separately, that seems fair enough when you aren't married and don't have children together.

knittingaddict · 03/11/2021 16:13

Sorry meant 40 hour week.

Viviennemary · 03/11/2021 16:16

I think paying half the bills and you living rent free is a reasonable deal.