To think this is an unfair split of finances?

[troobleflooble]

Bf and I are talking about moving in together, not quite yet but as some point in the near future.

He owns his house and I rent. He earns a lot more than me, I unfortunately am on a very low income at the moment (hoping to change this in the future!). He also has pets and a lot of extra expenses that I don't have (car/life/pet insurance, subscription services etc) plus his mortgage so his outgoings are a lot more than mine.

He suggested that when the time comes I just pay half of all the bills while he continues to pay the mortgage on his own. I'm a bit uncomfortable with this because I don't see it as a fair split, if I stay at my place I'd be continuing to pay rent which I'm saving by living with him.

Just to make it clear, I wouldn't ever expect to get a share of the sale of his house based on 'paying in' to his mortgage, I would purely consider it 'rent' that he could use to pay off his mortgage earlier or save as he deems fit.

However, since my income is so low, is this actually a fair split? I've never lived with a partner who's had a mortgage before so any other time it's always been either a 50/50 split on everything regardless of income or I've paid 100% of everything due to being the breadwinner. I have no idea what would be fair for both of us! Please advise wise MNetters 😁

But are the bills just utilities or all the other stuff you mention?
50 % of utilities and food plus the 25% reduction in council tax lost would seen fair to me.

Agree with others about the household chores, DO NOT start that, it will never end and it will be your job forever more.

If it were me, I'd suggest I put a 'rent' payment of a few hundred in a savings account every month for the first 12 months or so of living together. Then, you decide when you'll review things, and if it's working out, you put that money towards a mortgage overpayment (if you get a joint mortgage), and if it doesn't, you've got the money to move out again. But I know on here most people think you should pay rent.

I'm not sure I understand op.

Are you happy to pay 50% of the bills (assuming you mean council tax/gas/water/electricity) or not?

Reverse situation here, I'm the higher earner and DP moved into my house. I pay the mortgage, we split the other bills, so we both have more spending money. I think it's fine, I suggested it, we aren't married and I didn't think it was fair for him to pay towards a property he doesn't own. I wouldn't suggest doing more than half of the household chores though, you could be making a rod for your own back with that one.

I think we would need real figures of his bills OP. Everyone's bills differ vastly and depending on his house size.

I would not move in until you have found a full time job though.

I think it's fair. You're both saving money and he will benefit from having someone around doing a bit of extra housework, presumably helping with pet care etc.

He still has more spending money than you (and more than he used to have!) but it leaves you with enough to chip in if you go out for dinner or something. You could save up to put into a place to buy together or for holidays together or similar. I think if you're both generous and hard working as much as you can be then there shouldn't be an issue. It's where those things don't match up that things go wrong!

Bills will go up if you move in with him, so you'll neither of you be saving as much as your example. For example, council tax will be at a single person rate currently, water, electricity etc will go up if 2 people using them etc. However bills should only be shared things, not stuff that only he wants.

I think what he's proposing sounds very fair, but I'd suggest making sure you put aside your savings so that you have money to buy a property of your own/have deposit for a rental/money to buy with bf later if things go well. Don't leave yourself in the position that you will be stuck if your relationship breaks down.

@RedskyThisNight water will only change if he's on a meter.
Electric won't change that much unless she's intending on working from home or he's never home in the evenings/weekends

@lunar1

You both come out of it a bit better off than you were separately, that seems fair enough when you aren't married and don't have children together.

I agree with this. You will both have some spare cash. I do think the bills seem quite high. Have you included food?

Don't fall into the trap of buying all the food (you will probably find he eats and drinks much more than you do) or doing more than your fair share of chores. This is a mutually beneficial arrangement, you shouldn't feel indebted to him.

Do you work full time for that money op?

I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a knob so I’m just going to say it.

35 hours a week full time on £10 an hour is £1500 per tax per month.

I don’t know what you do but most jobs are paying at least this to recruit at the moment.

You sound like a lovely girl with lots of potential. Unless you are on some kind of training programme, update your cv and go and get yourself a salary increase somewhere.

Nobody should be earning so little and before you all jump on me I know it’s a huge problem in certain sectors.

If you are earning more your current dilemma would go away.

@mygenericusername

Do you work full time for that money op?

I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a knob so I’m just going to say it.

35 hours a week full time on £10 an hour is £1500 per tax per month.

I don’t know what you do but most jobs are paying at least this to recruit at the moment.

You sound like a lovely girl with lots of potential. Unless you are on some kind of training programme, update your cv and go and get yourself a salary increase somewhere.

Nobody should be earning so little and before you all jump on me I know it’s a huge problem in certain sectors.

If you are earning more your current dilemma would go away.

OP said they were example salaries to show the comparison not the actual numbers

And she also said she's currently working part time (not through choice)

@troobleflooble

Yes exactly right *@Stompythedinosaur*, which is why we're going to wait a bit. I do trust him absolutely but I've been in a difficult position before where things went wrong and I had no where to go.

I'm using made up figures here but just as an example:

His income: 2000
His mortgage: 400
His bills: 800
Spare money: 800

My income: 800
My bills: 150
My rent: 400
Spare money: 250

If I move in it would be:

Him -
Mortgage: 400
Bills: 400
Spare money: 1200

Me -
Bills: 400
Spare money: 400

I could just save as much as possible and put it towards future big expenses like holidays etc. I would say we'd like to buy a place together at some point but my income and credit rating is so low it's unlikely I'd be eligible for a mortgage. This hopefully will change in the future but I think I should assume I can't for now to be on the safe side as I'd hate to let him down.

We are both mid 30's, no plans to have kids.

I'd be more than happy to do most of the household chores, especially since I'm only on part time hours at the moment (not out of choice!).

Based on this he will be saving a lot more than you will by living together. Maybe you should work out how much each of you is better off by living together and then work out how much you should pay based on you both benefitting equally?

@AryaStarkWolf

And she also said she's currently working part time (not through choice)

Soz, I have the attention span of a gnat and memory of a goldfish! My bad

I would simply bite his hand off. Just move in, save what you are saving. Treat him to nice meals once in a while. Enjoy your relationship.

Also try to increase your earnings ASAP

Soz, I have the attention span of a gnat and memory of a goldfish! My bad

It's halfway to the weekend, don't despair

@Reallybadidea

Sorry really. I’ll slap my hand for not RTFT

I think I explained that really badly, but using your figures, your rent and bills of £550 will disappear so I think you should pay him half that so that you both benefit equally. If his bills increase as a result of you living there (council tax, heating, water etc) then you should pay this increase.

I've just noticed that his bills are really high compared to yours, so I think I will revise my advice a bit.

I think paying half of the bills is more than reasonable, BUT only if they are reasonable bills. I was assuming he has the standard water/gas/electricity/Lidl-for-big-shop-Waitrose-for-nice-bits kind of bills that I do.

Maybe offer to pay specific bills rather than all of them, so half the water, half the electricity, etc.

Maybe he doesn’t want you paying rent or towards mortgage to make it clear you have no claim on property. I wouldn’t take rent and would make you sign something before you moved in.

I think what he's suggesting is more than fair, as long as what he's asking you to pay don't include his personal expenses, like phone contracts, life insurance premiums, etc.

doesn't include, not don't include.

I think you should work out what each of you is saving by living together and split it so that you benefit equally. Because his bills are so high, it ends up with him gaining more (£400) than you do (£150). That seems particularly unfair given that he earns more than you in the first place. You should each benefit by £275. There may need to be slight tweaks to this if his utility bills increase etc. But you can work that out over time.

Surely you don't mean you'll be paying half of his personal payouts [car/life/pet ins.] , presumably just half of the utilities ,food and council tax ?