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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would I be unreasonable? About holidays

76 replies

BlondieD · 03/11/2021 14:41

My partner rang me with an idea of next years holidays. He priced a cruise around Southern Europe. We enjoyed some cruises before the pandemic.

He just sprung some quotes on holidays on me today.

I'm going to be completely honest now. This fills me with dread. Not for reasons due to the pandemic but also to some degree connected to the pandemic. We've been through so much over the past 19 months and it would be nice to go on holidays next year but I'm not too happy about going on a cruise. If I have any money for a holiday I want to do something else. I have some siblings living abroad and I adore them and I love my sister in law and my beautiful niece. They are living in Australia. I want to go on holidays to Australia and see them. Its been years since we've seen each other. The pandemic didn't help.

I mentioned it a few months ago to my partner that there would be a place to stay there and all you need would be spending money and flight ticket. He shot down the idea on holidays to Australia straight away saying that he won't be able to get a month of work. He never asked for a month off so he doesn't know that. He's doesn't usually like taking holiday days or annual leave from work and he enjoys building up his annual leave days and carrying them over into the next year and beyond and often before the pandemic he would tell me about uow rich he is in holiday days owed to him.

I don't have enough money to cruise around Europe for a week and then go for a month to Australia. Its one or the other. I really want to see my family abroad.

Since me and my partner met, its always been his way on holidays and it was a cruise once a year that was before the pandemic. It was always his way. Cruises are great in their own way I will say but he's never interested in anything that I might be interested in. Like I would love to go on a break away to Ukraine and visit chernobyl and take a step back to history and see a place stood still. That's something I would love to do and it looks like it's something I will be doing on my own but I don't mind doing things on my own. I have enough confidence where I don't need someone swinging off my arm to do things with.

AIBU about changing things for next year and wanting to visit Australia?

OP posts:

wonderbegone · 03/11/2021 14:43

Go to Australia.

Chloemol · 03/11/2021 14:53

Go to Australia. He can either get the time off or not and if he can’t perhaps he can join you for a couple of weeks

Seeing family is more important that a cruise

ArtfulScreamer · 03/11/2021 14:56

I've friends in Oz and I've been to see them twice whilst with DH he's never been as he's self employed so struggles for time off and doesn't like long flights. We have however done holidays more to his tastes other years. Go to Oz on your own and do a cruise another year.

Bingbong21 · 03/11/2021 14:58

Go to Australia, his choice whether to come or not.

Tinkywinkydinkydoo · 03/11/2021 14:58

If he doesn’t want to travel that far then that’s fine. It wouldn’t stop me from hopping on the first plane I could alone and visit my sister and nieces though! You should be taking every opportunity to go visit your family. If he sulks about you not going on the cruise or away without him then he would be unreasonable!

MrzClaus · 03/11/2021 14:59

Hmmmm, I think both of your are being a bit unreasonable!

Him - perhaps he should check work won't let him take a month off before assuming they won't (although I know in my workplace it's two weeks limit and not at certain times of year as it's too busy). I think he should be more honest about all of the reasons why he doesn't want to go, rather than just shooting you down without properly explaining why!

You - assuming he'd want to go to Australia for a month to see your family is a lot. I love my DH but I'm not sure I'd want to spend a whole month of my annual leave travelling to see his sibling and their DC, I'd probably feel like a 3rd wheel at points - and staying in someone's home (I'm guessing that's what you meant but only need to pay for plane tickets) is not a holiday for most people, especially when it's not his family's house! It can be awkward not having your own space, especially for a month. Australia is also expensive - so a month of food / drinks / activities could cost a bomb!

Would a compromise be two weeks in Australia and a cruise perhaps? It sounds like there might be a few more issues here (previous holiday history!) and he does seem rather "my way or the highway"

Original poster

BlondieD · 03/11/2021 14:59

My partners call to me today to spring quotes on me about next year's holidays came out of nowhere. The least he could have done was talk to me before hand. I don't want to commit myself to a cruise holiday for next year with him when if there's any money for a holiday, I want to see my family abroad. I don't care about going on a cruise. I want to see my family.

OP posts:

SussyBaka · 03/11/2021 15:00

Oz.

With or without him.

EatYourVegetables · 03/11/2021 15:01

I would go to Australia to see family.

I would not go to Australia to see DP’s family.

Stompythedinosaur · 03/11/2021 15:02

Neither of you are being unreasonable. Either holiday separately or take turns year by year?

Original poster

BlondieD · 03/11/2021 15:02

Thanks for the replies.

I would have no issue travelling on my own to Australia if that's what my partner wants, I just won't have the funds to holiday/cruise with my partner as well and holiday with him will be out of the question next year.

OP posts:

Stompythedinosaur · 03/11/2021 15:02

In fairness to him, staying with your in laws isn't much of a holiday.

Hadalifeonce · 03/11/2021 15:04

Tell him you don't want to go on a cruise. See if he suggests anything else. Say you want to go to Australia, it would be nice for him to join you, but you are happy to go alone.

DH used to love self catering holidays, when the children arrived, we did a couple, I then stated I never wanted to go on a self catering holiday again, as it wasn't a holiday for me, just a change of venue. He listened to me. because he cares about me, and in about 15 years we have never been on a self catering holiday.

SiobhanSharpe · 03/11/2021 15:05

YANBU. I would far rather visit Australia than go on a cruise -- even in non-pandemic times viruses (noro, D and V etc) could and did spread rapidly through the huge ships which are like floating hotels, except you can't get away from your fellow passengers.

(TBH, it might not be that easy to travel to Australia either, so much depends on how the pandemic is going. But IMO it'd probably be better than a cruise. )

girlmom21 · 03/11/2021 15:10

I wouldn't want to take a month off work to stay with my in-laws.

Can't you compromise and do two weeks in Australia?

I know you've said you couldn't afford both but speak to him about that and work it out together.

Original poster

BlondieD · 03/11/2021 15:11

Cruises do have some pros. It's usually an all in one package. You can eat and drink all around you, go to sleep at night and wake up in a new place in the morning and you get to see a tiny piece of a new country. It does have some advantages. That's about it. I usually hate the pools and the on board theatre and entertainment.

The price quotes that he gave back to me are too much and I would prefer to spend that type of money visiting my family.

OP posts:

Original poster

BlondieD · 03/11/2021 15:12

Two weeks in Australia won't be enough time for me. There's no point going for two weeks. If I'm going I will be going for 3 to 4 weeks.

OP posts:

ineedaholidayandwine · 03/11/2021 15:12

You do Oz, he can do his cruise at the same time :-)

TheMooch · 03/11/2021 15:13

Just say you are seeing your family so can't afford the cruise.

Original poster

BlondieD · 03/11/2021 15:14

My partner doesn't have this issue. He has a few siblings living within our home country and he has two more siblings dotted around Europe but they fly home regularly about 2 or 3 times a year so he always sees his siblings.

My siblings live abroad in Australia.

OP posts:

Chippymunks · 03/11/2021 15:16

How about a shorter time in Australia and a cheaper/shorter cruise or separate holidays next year?

Rumplestrumpet · 03/11/2021 15:19

Of course you should see your family. He won't want to spend a month in Oz, so it makes sense for you to fly out first, spend 2 weeks visiting family, then he joins you for two weeks and he spends a little time with your family but you also see the sights and so some touristy things together. Fair compromise.

Gazelda · 03/11/2021 15:20

You go for a month. He comes over for 2 weeks.
He does the cruise with a friend or with you in 23.
Compromise.

zoemum2006 · 03/11/2021 15:20

No one is wrong here.

I’d be hugely frustrated to fly all the way to Australia to hang out with someone else’s family for a month. I’d want to travel while I was there.

I think you should go by yourself. Tell him he’s welcome to come for a shorter period of time if he wants to.

Original poster

BlondieD · 03/11/2021 15:24

You all make so much sense especially zoemum. Thank you. I must admit it probably won't be much of a holiday where my siblings would probably be balancing their own lifes there and It will probably be a month of me babysitting and helping with homework but I would be so happy to do that.

It does makes sense where I can go for a month and he can join me if he wants for the last two weeks or so if he wants.

OP posts:

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