Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Would I be unreasonable? About holidays

76 replies

BlondieD · 03/11/2021 14:41

My partner rang me with an idea of next years holidays. He priced a cruise around Southern Europe. We enjoyed some cruises before the pandemic.

He just sprung some quotes on holidays on me today.

I'm going to be completely honest now. This fills me with dread. Not for reasons due to the pandemic but also to some degree connected to the pandemic. We've been through so much over the past 19 months and it would be nice to go on holidays next year but I'm not too happy about going on a cruise. If I have any money for a holiday I want to do something else. I have some siblings living abroad and I adore them and I love my sister in law and my beautiful niece. They are living in Australia. I want to go on holidays to Australia and see them. Its been years since we've seen each other. The pandemic didn't help.

I mentioned it a few months ago to my partner that there would be a place to stay there and all you need would be spending money and flight ticket. He shot down the idea on holidays to Australia straight away saying that he won't be able to get a month of work. He never asked for a month off so he doesn't know that. He's doesn't usually like taking holiday days or annual leave from work and he enjoys building up his annual leave days and carrying them over into the next year and beyond and often before the pandemic he would tell me about uow rich he is in holiday days owed to him.

I don't have enough money to cruise around Europe for a week and then go for a month to Australia. Its one or the other. I really want to see my family abroad.

Since me and my partner met, its always been his way on holidays and it was a cruise once a year that was before the pandemic. It was always his way. Cruises are great in their own way I will say but he's never interested in anything that I might be interested in. Like I would love to go on a break away to Ukraine and visit chernobyl and take a step back to history and see a place stood still. That's something I would love to do and it looks like it's something I will be doing on my own but I don't mind doing things on my own. I have enough confidence where I don't need someone swinging off my arm to do things with.

AIBU about changing things for next year and wanting to visit Australia?

OP posts:

AryaStarkWolf · 03/11/2021 15:24

Agree with others go for a month either by yourself or he can decide himself to join for whatever length of time he can get off........ Don't "ask" him tell him this is what you're doing and he can make up his own mind on whether to join you or not

Bonbon21 · 03/11/2021 15:25

Go to Oz for a month.. if he wants to join you he can go out for 2 weeks... a relationship is about compromise... personally the idea of a cruise makes me puke.. pandemic or not....
Family is important.. which is why his fly back regularly from Europe...(and I am sure you tolerate them politely.. so he can do the same with yours for 2 weeks...) Oz is a bit more complicated!!

Callixte · 03/11/2021 15:25

I wouldn't be upset that he's researched and priced cruises if you've both enjoyed that type of holiday in the past, provided he didn't actually go ahead and book without asking! But tell him now that you have your heart set on going to see your sister this time, which will take up most of your holiday time and money. Then decide together if there's a compromise available or if you should just plan separate trips this year. Could you spend a few weeks with your sister on your own, and then have him join you to travel around the country together? It is a long and expensive flight so I'd understand if he doesn't want to go for a week or even two.

I've been to Kiev/Chernobyl solo and wouldn't hesitate to recommend it even to someone who's not usually a solo traveller/not generally excited about solo travel. You'll be in a group and with a guide within the Exclusion Zone anyway, so safe and not lonely, and Kiev has lots to see and is quite easy to get around on your own, so you won't get bored on a short trip.

Original poster

BlondieD · 03/11/2021 15:25

Will he be mad at me if I was to put my foot down and tell him I am not interested in a cruise holiday next year because I would like to visit my family abroad.

OP posts:

Fink · 03/11/2021 15:27

@BlondieD

Two weeks in Australia won't be enough time for me. There's no point going for two weeks. If I'm going I will be going for 3 to 4 weeks.

So why don't you go to Oz for 1 month and suggest to your partner to accompany you for 2 weeks? He can go home after 2 weeks and you stay for longer with your family.

I think he's unreasonable in general to want all his own way regarding holidays, but I'm just suggesting this as one possible solution if you want to spend next year's holiday together.

girlmom21 · 03/11/2021 15:28

@BlondieD

Will he be mad at me if I was to put my foot down and tell him I am not interested in a cruise holiday next year because I would like to visit my family abroad.

Maybe but who cares? It can't always be on his terms.

JustLyra · 03/11/2021 15:29

@BlondieD

Will he be mad at me if I was to put my foot down and tell him I am not interested in a cruise holiday next year because I would like to visit my family abroad.

He’s entitled to be mad if you tell him that he can’t have a cruise next year.

He’s not entitled to be mad if you tell him you are going to see your family.

Under5Weather6 · 03/11/2021 15:33

Can your relatives fly to Thailand or somewhere similar
Then you all meet half way

puppyb747 · 03/11/2021 15:35

last year i brought some robertertson mincemeat for mince pies the expiry date was jan23 now is that jan 2023 the year or, 23rd jan the month as i brought two jars at the same date

AryaStarkWolf · 03/11/2021 15:36

@BlondieD

Will he be mad at me if I was to put my foot down and tell him I am not interested in a cruise holiday next year because I would like to visit my family abroad.

You're the only one who knows that but he has no right to be if that's what you mean? Your holiday time and money and you want to use that time and money on seeing your family

Drumshambo · 03/11/2021 15:37

He's a being unreasonable insisting that your holiday together must be a cruise. He's not being unreasonable in not wanting to go to see your family for a month. especially if you're time there is going to revolve around doing stuff with your sister and her child. wouldn't be much of a holiday for him.

AryaStarkWolf · 03/11/2021 15:37

@puppyb747

last year i brought some robertertson mincemeat for mince pies the expiry date was jan23 now is that jan 2023 the year or, 23rd jan the month as i brought two jars at the same date

I think you might have the wrong thread, i would think Jan 2023 though, I think that stuff lasts a longtime

Bonbon21 · 03/11/2021 15:38

He would be unreasonable to be 'mad' at you... is this normally an issue??
You are absolutely entitled to have the holiday YOU want when YOU are paying for it!
He might be disappointed.. but there are other holidays in other years... he doesnt have to go to Oz at all... but thats his choice.. would you be 'mad' at him in that case?
You may be partners but you are not joined at the hip....

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 03/11/2021 15:42

@BlondieD

Will he be mad at me if I was to put my foot down and tell him I am not interested in a cruise holiday next year because I would like to visit my family abroad.

From what you've said, yes he will, because he wants to always have his own way on holiday plans. But you've said you don't want that and want badly to see your family. So put on your big girl pants and assert yourself. Tell him he's picked all the holidays for years and you're choosing your own holiday plan this year.

janj2301 · 03/11/2021 15:42

When we lived in Far East the girls and I would come home for the whole summer holiday and my husband would come with us but only stay for 2 weeks. You should take the longer holiday, they are your family. Also he's lucky he can carry over holiday most companies you use it or loose it

Franklin12 · 03/11/2021 15:42

Definitely Oz but watch the entry restrictions after COVID. I presume you are double jabbed. My old company only allowed 5 days to be carried forward from the year before to stop stockpiling of holidays but it was 2 weeks plus by arrangement (which normally involved you finding someone to cover for you before it was authorised!).

He could come for some of the time but I agree with PP - he might not consider it a holiday when it involves with staying with your relatives.

Having said that a cruise is full of people stuffing themselves with food and drink and being rounded up like cattle to go on overpriced land trips! (IMHO of course)

Gladioli23 · 03/11/2021 15:43

YANBU but...

The only thing re Australia is will you Just be visiting relatives? I wouldn't want to fly all the way to Australia and not do some serious sightseeing/holidaying within Australia while I'm there? I'd also really struggle to get a month off work: my work bother to employ me, and if there were no consequences to my being off for a month I'd expect them to be seriously reconsidering whether they even needed me. If there were consequences I'd be expecting a lot for them to just suck it up. It's also a bit different Australia Vs e.g. somewhere with maybe only a 5 hour time difference where I could maybe do a few days work to keep on top of things.

girlmom21 · 03/11/2021 15:44

@puppyb747

last year i brought some robertertson mincemeat for mince pies the expiry date was jan23 now is that jan 2023 the year or, 23rd jan the month as i brought two jars at the same date

January 2023. Thanks for your contribution

Triffid1 · 03/11/2021 15:45

I think it's far more concerning that you don't feel like you can tell hi you don't want to go on a cruise and that throughout your relationship it has always been him dictating holiday. As for Australia - it is entirely possible he couldn't get a week off, I accept that. But any half way decent partner would 100% understand your desire to see your family and would be willing to compromise. Most likely with him coming to Australia for a shorter time and agreeing you'd do a different holiday the following year.

Justilou1 · 03/11/2021 15:49

Come to Australia. Who knows when you will get the chance again? Cruises are virtually identical anyway.

99victoria · 03/11/2021 15:53

Tbh, this may all be moot anyway - I think it's highly unlikely Australia will be open for tourism in 2022

FrankGrillosFloof · 03/11/2021 15:56

Go to Oz alone.

But just to point out, I’ve never asked for a month off work but I know categorically, without a doubt, it would be refused. I also know that I would be thought less of for even asking so I think his point on this is fair enough.

Kitkat151 · 03/11/2021 16:00

@zoemum2006

No one is wrong here.

I’d be hugely frustrated to fly all the way to Australia to hang out with someone else’s family for a month. I’d want to travel while I was there.

I think you should go by yourself. Tell him he’s welcome to come for a shorter period of time if he wants to.

But it’s not ‘someone else’s family’.... they are a couple so ‘my family’ becomes ‘your family’.....it does where I come from anyway Weird comment🙄

LakeShoreD · 03/11/2021 16:00

Will he be mad at me
No idea but if he gets mad at you for prioritising family you haven’t seen in ages then I’d reevaluate the relationship tbh. It’s not exactly a sign of a healthy relationship that you’re this worried about telling him you don’t want to go on a cruise.

FangsForTheMemory · 03/11/2021 16:01

I think he's trying to bounce you into agreeing what he wants again. I'd bounce him straight back. Additionally, I would not want to be stuck on a cruise ship in the era of COVID.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread