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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would I be unreasonable? About holidays

76 replies

BlondieD · 03/11/2021 14:41

My partner rang me with an idea of next years holidays. He priced a cruise around Southern Europe. We enjoyed some cruises before the pandemic.

He just sprung some quotes on holidays on me today.

I'm going to be completely honest now. This fills me with dread. Not for reasons due to the pandemic but also to some degree connected to the pandemic. We've been through so much over the past 19 months and it would be nice to go on holidays next year but I'm not too happy about going on a cruise. If I have any money for a holiday I want to do something else. I have some siblings living abroad and I adore them and I love my sister in law and my beautiful niece. They are living in Australia. I want to go on holidays to Australia and see them. Its been years since we've seen each other. The pandemic didn't help.

I mentioned it a few months ago to my partner that there would be a place to stay there and all you need would be spending money and flight ticket. He shot down the idea on holidays to Australia straight away saying that he won't be able to get a month of work. He never asked for a month off so he doesn't know that. He's doesn't usually like taking holiday days or annual leave from work and he enjoys building up his annual leave days and carrying them over into the next year and beyond and often before the pandemic he would tell me about uow rich he is in holiday days owed to him.

I don't have enough money to cruise around Europe for a week and then go for a month to Australia. Its one or the other. I really want to see my family abroad.

Since me and my partner met, its always been his way on holidays and it was a cruise once a year that was before the pandemic. It was always his way. Cruises are great in their own way I will say but he's never interested in anything that I might be interested in. Like I would love to go on a break away to Ukraine and visit chernobyl and take a step back to history and see a place stood still. That's something I would love to do and it looks like it's something I will be doing on my own but I don't mind doing things on my own. I have enough confidence where I don't need someone swinging off my arm to do things with.

AIBU about changing things for next year and wanting to visit Australia?

OP posts:
thisplaceisweird · 03/11/2021 16:08

Cruises are so naff and disgusting. Go to Australia, he can join for a few weeks, or not!

thisplaceisweird · 03/11/2021 16:09

@BlondieD

Will he be mad at me if I was to put my foot down and tell him I am not interested in a cruise holiday next year because I would like to visit my family abroad.
Only you know that. But a lack of willingness to compromise, or to want to see you happy is a red flag.
billy1966 · 03/11/2021 16:12

@BlondieD

Will he be mad at me if I was to put my foot down and tell him I am not interested in a cruise holiday next year because I would like to visit my family abroad.
You sound very nervous of his reactions to things?

Be glad you aren't married and don't have children.

It is perfectly reasonable for you to say that MY priority is to see my family ne t year for a month.

You should do something that you want to do with YOUR holidays, but I have limited funds and after not seeing my family for several years I really want to see them.

If he has a problem with this, ditch him.
Flowers

rookiemere · 03/11/2021 16:16

I can see why you want to go to Australia and I can see why he does. You need to go to see family so that should be your priority.

LethargicActress · 03/11/2021 16:17

You need to tell him you don’t want to go on another cruise regardless of whether you go to Australia or not because there’s no way you should be spending hundreds of pounds on a holiday you aren’t bothered about having. Plus, cruises are terrible for the environment so tell him you aren’t comfortable with that anymore.

I can understand him not wanting to go and stay with in laws though, that’s not a holiday.

rookiemere · 03/11/2021 16:17

Sorry that should say I can see why he doesn't want to go. If I was travelling to Australia I'd only do it if we could travel round- I spent too much time with friends and family when we went to NZ and I'd do less if we ever get to go back.

girlmom21 · 03/11/2021 16:34

@Kitkat151 we have no idea how long they've been together or what their family dynamics are like

lovescats3 · 03/11/2021 17:00

Go to see your family in Australia.Tell him you don't want a cruise this time

Under5Weather6 · 03/11/2021 18:06

Ask your employer if you can have a month off next year to go to Australia & how much notice they need. Some of it may need to be unpaid.

Do you have savings or can you work extra or a second job to save up ?
Do some investigation about how much it will cost you for flights, travel insurance, covid tests etc

If your partner says no to Australia, are you willing to end the relationship?

I know what I would do - go to Australia

Squeezita · 03/11/2021 18:11

OP, this twat dictates your holiday destination AEVERY year.

At best he’s selfish, at worst he’s controlling.

Dump him and go and have an amazing holiday with your siblings.

Fuck his cruise.

lanthanum · 03/11/2021 18:11

Tell him you need to go to Australia this time, and that you can't afford the cruise as well. He could either come for part of the time, or do his own thing, or offer to pay for the cruise so you can do both.

Original poster
BlondieD · 03/11/2021 18:21

He doesn't dictate where we go every year. I was always happy to go with him and I enjoyed my time with him. The pandemic changed things and I want to see my family abroad. Its so much more important than a cruise around Europe. I want to see my niece and brothers and beautiful sister in law.

OP posts:
zafferana · 03/11/2021 18:27

So just say that OP. All this angst over a holiday! Just be honest with him, tell him that as long as Australia is accepting overseas visitors, that is where you will be going. He's welcome to join you for all or part of your holiday. End of story.

Ragwort · 03/11/2021 18:37

Just do you own thing next year ... my DH loves skiing, I don't, I have tagged along a few times but the last time I just said I didn't want to and he went skiing and I had a beach holiday with a friend, we were both happy Smile. There is no Law that states you have to have every holiday with your DH/DP.

Bluntness100 · 03/11/2021 18:47

@BlondieD

Will he be mad at me if I was to put my foot down and tell him I am not interested in a cruise holiday next year because I would like to visit my family abroad.
Op people don’t know him how could we answer that?

For me personally there is no way on earth I’d take a month off work to go and spend it with my inlaws in Australia

Just tell him you’re going to see your family for a month so you can’t afford a cruise, you’d love it if he could join for some or all of the time but you understand it might be difficult, it’s a long way and spending time with the inlaws not most peoples idea of a holiday.

Blahdyblahbla · 03/11/2021 18:47

I don't see any issue, just go to Australia. Unless he's restricting your money or movements in any way?

Bluntness100 · 03/11/2021 18:48

@Squeezita

OP, this twat dictates your holiday destination AEVERY year.

At best he’s selfish, at worst he’s controlling.

Dump him and go and have an amazing holiday with your siblings.

Fuck his cruise.

There’s always one 😂😂
BananaPB · 03/11/2021 19:05

Yanbu

Tell him you are going to Australia. He's welcome to join but it's a long overdue trip that will make you happy so it has to be that in 2022.

He has enough time to consider a solo trip or a trip with friends if Australia doesn't float his boat. (It is understandable that a month with your ILs might not be fun for him)

CatsArePeople · 03/11/2021 19:07

Australia seems mad at the moment (if to believe facebook and twitter), too optimistic to hope that they'd be back to normal by next year.

Cruises went to shit lately too. Masks inside and no dancing. Confused

MrsClatterbuck · 03/11/2021 19:09

I have travelled abroad to visit family on a number of occasions. Only twice on my own. The other times dh has come as well and has loved it. He gets on well with my family and tbh I think he would be happy to do it on his own. Though at this stage we would like to explore a bit more and use my relative's house as a base as I know they wouldn't mind. We did a couple of times went a bit further afield for a long weekend.

I would definitely go to Australia on my own. Time you got to chose how you spend your annual leave which is very precious when you work full time.

Squeezita · 03/11/2021 19:11

@Bluntness100

There’s always one 😂😂

And there’s always you, on every thread.

jagoda · 03/11/2021 19:17

@BlondieD

Will he be mad at me if I was to put my foot down and tell him I am not interested in a cruise holiday next year because I would like to visit my family abroad.
Well, we don't know if he will be mad at you, but he would be a dick if he is, so who cares?

I have siblings in New Zealand and haven't seen them for three years now. I would do exactly what you said, visit and hang out, just doing family stuff. I can see he might not want that, and to be honest, would he not cramp your style a bit if he came with?

Just tell him you are spending your money on that trip, don't even call it a holiday. You will therefore not have enough money to cruise with him next year, never mind.

If he overreacts then you take another look at your relationship I guess Flowers

FairFuming · 03/11/2021 19:24

If he is mad at you for choosing your family over a cruise you don't want to go on then that's a big red flag

Chippymunks · 03/11/2021 19:37

You go to Australia and he can for you to go on the cruise.

malin52 · 03/11/2021 19:49

@puppyb747

last year i brought some robertertson mincemeat for mince pies the expiry date was jan23 now is that jan 2023 the year or, 23rd jan the month as i brought two jars at the same date
It's definitely January 23rd of the year you bought them. Robertsons know the exact day that Mincemeat goes off. It's extremely volatile.
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