Aibu to not attend work Christmas party

[user65309871]

I was really looking forward to my works Christmas party this year after been off work sick for just over a year and not socialising much during this time.
I returned to work 6 months ago and now work mornings as I can't manage full days and get tired in the afternoons.
Today I overheard some of my colleagues slagging me off that I only work mornings and go home during the busiest time of the day (afternoons). It's made me feel really useless and knocked my confidence a bit.
Now I'm thinking why would I want to spend an evening with them when they slag me off behind my back.
AIBU to not want to go to the Christmas party and socialise with them?

YANBU but I don't do Xmas parties either... bear in mind though that if you don't socialise with them at all you may be building up another barrier.

I would feel the same, and be worried they would judge that I can do the party but not manage an afternoon of work.

I'd be reporting those comments straight to management and expecting them to address it.

I bet not everyone thinks that way. Go if you were looking forward to it and spend time with people who weren't slagging you off.

I'd be tempted to tell them that you overheard their comments. "I heard you say x, it made me feel y. I've had a lot of issues over the past year and while I dont want to share medical details I can tell you it's nothing to do with laziness"

@LittleOwl153

I'd be reporting those comments straight to management and expecting them to address it.

I agree with this

No-one needs an excuse to not attend a work Christmas party.

No-one is obligated to go to a work social event. So don’t go if you don’t want to.

The comments are a different thing. Were they actually being mean and unkind. Or were they honesty discussing how you only doing mornings is adding to the strain/pressure on them and increased workload. They are two very different things IMO. Of course it won’t feel good to hear them comment, but if they are overworked as a result of you not being able to work afternoons (whether your fault or not) is a fair observation to make. If they were just mean, then that is unacceptable.

You don’t have to go anyway but I wouldn’t want to socialise with people like that.

I would also be reporting them. Your hours and your health are none of their business.

There's been one of these threads on here every week now for the past month. 'AIBU to not go to my works Christmas party?'

If you don't want to go to your works Christmas party, then don't go!

Not meaning to be unkind op but if you are onlybwell enough to work mornings due to tiredness, then it follows you will be too tired to attend an extra curricular party.

That was really unkind of your colleagues, who have no idea what you are going through, unfortunately some people are very narrow minded & downright selfish. If you want to go to the Xmas do, you go and just give these colleagues a wide berth. If you chose not to ge, be honest when management ask why you aren’t attending. Good luck OP, sorry you have been upset by this

Won't you be too tired to go to the party?

Your hours and your health are none of their business.

I disagree with this if OPs co-workers are being impacted. I had a colleague who was off with stress leave for over 2 months - it's easy to say her health and time off were none of my business, but the way my company dealt with things meant for that period me and the 5 other members of my team had to absorb all the extra work, and it was really tough. We definitely commented on how we wished X was back in the office, and how hard it was completing her role in addition to our own, that we were tired and fed-up with being understaffed... We were directly impacted by her absence. Of course the appropriateness of the conversation OP overheard depend on whether observations were made or derogatory comments, one is OK in my book, the other entirely wrong.

Of course you don’t have to go! I’ve not heard of companies having Christmas parties in the morning though, is that to save on the beer budget?!

You of course dont have to go.

But not going doesn't solve the problem.

That must have been horrible to hear. But don't mistake one person's views as the same as all of your colleagues. Most people are reasonable and wouldn't think this.

@PostMenWithACat

Not meaning to be unkind op but if you are onlybwell enough to work mornings due to tiredness, then it follows you will be too tired to attend an extra curricular party.

OP might only be able to work mornings, due to chronic illness/disability but perhaps she can attend a ONCE a year event, perhaps she wouldn’t be able to work the morning of the Xmas do, or the day after, but try to be a bit understanding of disability and how it makes people feel, why should she feel excluded? Unfortunately, presumptive opinions are part of the problem.

They are colleagues, not friends.
I would not want to socialise outside of work, but up to you!

@PaintedDaisy

Won't you be too tired to go to the party?

I meant this as a way to get out of it if you don't want to confront them

100% agree you should report their comments/behaviour to management. Make sure you keep a written record of everything they’ve said.

Can I ask why should OP report it to HR?? I also think the comments were rude but sure people are allowed to say whatever they want and they are allowed to be rude unfortunately. What does HR have to do with peoples opinion?

I don’t think your colleagues are unreasonable to be annoyed that you go home at the busiest time of day tbh, it’s likely they aren’t annoyed with you personally but it can be frustrating. One of my colleagues was off with stress and when I had to cover her and do my job and hers while she left early every day it was annoying af. That’s more a management issue to resolve though.
As for the party, completely up to you if you don’t want to go don’t feel obligated in any way

@Elisemum

Can I ask why should OP report it to HR?? I also think the comments were rude but sure people are allowed to say whatever they want and they are allowed to be rude unfortunately. What does HR have to do with peoples opinion?

Because it is a recognised form of bullying (spreading malicious gossip)

@Elisemum
www.acas.org.uk/if-youre-treated-unfairly-at-work/being-bullied

Reporting to line manager and HR to nip in the bud.

@Elisemum in this context it's not JUST rudeness if they were disparaging comments about op personally and her health.

That's disability discrimination and illegal and absolutely part of HR job to deal with it (but remember HR are employed by the company op, they exist to prevent them from being sued not primarily to support employees)

They are within their rights to complain about their workload and the company's failure to ensure not too much is being asked of them, they are not right to comment on op and her health issues.

Disability comes in many shapes and forms, chronic illnesses with fatigue as a symptom are very common actually and are absolutely included in disability at work legislation.

People need to learn to be more understanding and direct any frustrations regarding the impact on themselves at work due to such situations where it should be directed - at the company.

If there's too much work for the number of employees/hours being covered that's on them for not employing an additional employee or giving more hours to another part timer who would want to perhaps go full time.

A lot of companies don't want to pay out for recruitment, training etc while the execs pocket a nice stash of bonuses!

Point your ire where it belongs - not at the sick/disabled person but at bad employers

@Elisemum

Can I ask why should OP report it to HR?? I also think the comments were rude but sure people are allowed to say whatever they want and they are allowed to be rude unfortunately. What does HR have to do with peoples opinion?

Because it's bullying and possibly for a protected characteristic if classed as a disability