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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he needs to pay for 7 weeks here?

77 replies

TeamSpike · 02/11/2021 17:09

Exh pays maintenance for Dd monthly. He calculated it and we don't go through csa. He's got a new job where his payday has changed from 10th to 30th of the month. So he paid me last on 10th Oct and has said he doesn't need to pay now until 30th Nov. So I have asked whether he will be paying 7 weeks worth as that's how long it is between payment dates. He says he doesn't have to because its still a monthly payment it's just on a different date.
AIBU to think he does need to pay the 7 weeks worth?

OP posts:
Spunout · 02/11/2021 17:53

Yes I wouldn't quibble over 3 weeks when he didn't pay for 3 years then started too,I know its shit but wouldn't rock the boat.

Moonshine11 · 02/11/2021 17:53

I agree to leave it

Spunout · 02/11/2021 17:53

This from a lone parent who for 15 years have received zero maintenance

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/11/2021 17:54

YANBU
He didn’t pay anything for the first 3 years of your dd’s life. All of this discussion about dates is immaterial and muddying the waters. Your dd gets x amount per week from the date he started paying. He just happens to pay this amount monthly. If he refuses, you could threaten him with CMS. You’ve got to wonder if that would hurt his pocket far more.

Shoxfordian · 02/11/2021 17:55

Don’t take anything from him after what he did

anon12345678901 · 02/11/2021 17:55

@Bagamoyo1

I think YABU. He paid on 10th September for September. He paid on 10th October for October. He’ll pay on 30th November for November. Same amount, different date. It’s a pain that you have to wait 3 weeks longer than usual, bit the overall amount is the same.
This. If it's only the payment date changed he won't owe you anymore money for it
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 02/11/2021 17:57

He doesn't see Dd at all because he was arrested for downloading indecent images of children when Dd was 3 months old.

Why the hell aren't you going through CMS and sort this out properly?
Or just leave it.

Why are you still in contact with him at all?

DysmalRadius · 02/11/2021 18:01

Of course YANBU - he's still 3 years in arrears if he didn't start paying you anything until she was three regardless of when his pay days fall!!! But I do agree with others that it might not be worth the hassle to chase him if you are worried that he might cause more trouble than he's worth.

steff13 · 02/11/2021 18:01

@Bagamoyo1

I think YABU. He paid on 10th September for September. He paid on 10th October for October. He’ll pay on 30th November for November. Same amount, different date. It’s a pain that you have to wait 3 weeks longer than usual, bit the overall amount is the same.
I agree with this as well. He is still paying you once a month.
impossible · 02/11/2021 18:10

If he is leaving work on 10th and going straight to new job he will receive full month's pay and 20 days worth from new job on 30th... and so on. There should only be a gap if he is having a few weeks not working and not being paid. I think!

Original poster
TeamSpike · 02/11/2021 18:10

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

He doesn't see Dd at all because he was arrested for downloading indecent images of children when Dd was 3 months old.

Why the hell aren't you going through CMS and sort this out properly?
Or just leave it.

Why are you still in contact with him at all?

I didn't sort it out properly initially because I wanted it all behind me and didn't want anything from him. The only reason I take his money is because its money and I need it. Trust me if I didn't need it I wouldn't have agreed to it in the first place
OP posts:
BungleandGeorge · 02/11/2021 18:10

@DysmalRadius

Of course YANBU - he's still 3 years in arrears if he didn't start paying you anything until she was three regardless of when his pay days fall!!! But I do agree with others that it might not be worth the hassle to chase him if you are worried that he might cause more trouble than he's worth.
Probably depends if he was working. I imagine he might have been dismissed when he was convicted
steff13 · 02/11/2021 18:14

@impossible

If he is leaving work on 10th and going straight to new job he will receive full month's pay and 20 days worth from new job on 30th... and so on. There should only be a gap if he is having a few weeks not working and not being paid. I think!
But there isn't really a gap, because he's still paying monthly. It's just a different date. He's not paying weekly, so the number of weeks between the payment doesn't really matter, as long as he's still paying once a month.
Billandben444 · 02/11/2021 18:17

I'd leave it tbh - it sounds as though he's going to have to manage for longer as well before he gets paid.

Artie30 · 02/11/2021 18:35

Does he pay you every month or every 4 weeks? My ex is sneaky. When we were using the csa it would be 4 weekly, now it's monthly so he actually doesn't pay 4 weeks of the year that way (sneaky!)

YANBU.

PermanentTemporary · 02/11/2021 18:40

I think you've done right to take the arrangement. At least he's doing one positive thing in the world for his daughter and at least she has more of what she needs.

I have to say I would leave it too, but what a nightmare. Can you delay any bills? What is your missing amount going to be? Any resources at all?

TotallySuper · 02/11/2021 18:44

God Op I somehow missed the bit about your ex Sad please try and do something with your financial situation so you don't have to rely on this tainted money. Poor you.

MyDcAreMarvel · 02/11/2021 18:46

Under the circumstances I would just leave it and not go down the CSA route or insist on missing weeks . He is paying for his child and not attempting to see her which is on her best interests. Don’t rock the boat.

PermanentTemporary · 02/11/2021 19:00

I don't think the money is tainted in any way. It's money the child has a right to.

Goawaymorningsickeness · 02/11/2021 19:12

Given his sex offender status and that fact that he could go for supervised contact, I wouldn’t poke the bear at all. I would let it go. It’s really not worth it. He will be well aware of what he could ask for in terms of seeing his daughter. Don’t risk it.

Disfordarkchocolate · 02/11/2021 19:13

If he tried this with a CC they would laugh out loud.

RacketeerRalph · 02/11/2021 19:16

@TheAverageUser

I'd personally leave it if you can afford to so that he doesn't start getting annoyed and looking at contact possibilities.

Fair? No but it's what I'd do.

Same
itsallgoingpearshaped · 02/11/2021 19:24

Tell him you still have obligations and bills to pay, regardless of his changed pay date. If he isn't going to pay 'on time' from your perspective, and cover the entire period fairly, then you will be going to pursue CM formally via the government agency.

GalaxyPostcard · 02/11/2021 19:37

I think you're right but I like others would not poke the bear in this circumstance. Absolutely no way. Sorry OP, what a crap situation to be in.

Original poster
TeamSpike · 02/11/2021 19:43

Thanks all. I think you're all right. I'm going to leave it but it really does screw up my monthly outgoings. I wish I didn't need to rely on the money but I do.

OP posts:
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