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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Urgent help needed, Permitted Occupier

116 replies

SerendipitousEmma · 02/11/2021 10:40

Firstly, sorry to post in this topic but I need urgent help.

I started a relationship with someone in May this year. I had to leave the house I was living in, he was separated but still living at home so we rented a house together. I was not able to be on the tenancy due to credit/referencing issues, but I am a permitted occupier on the contract. The tenancy is in his name, but everything in the house is mine.

On Friday night he told me he was pulling the plug. He had given notice on the house and I had to go. He has gone back home and the house is being marketed. We have been here less than 4 weeks! Everything in the house is mine. I have nowhere to go. It would take ages to move all my furniture etc out even if I did have somewhere to go.

There have been multiple red flags over the months, more so since we moved in but that is another thread.

I know I was stupid to move in with him so quickly but I had to leave my previous address, so please don't judge me on that. I never ever saw this coming. I feel utterly shell shocked and at a loss.The landlord appears to be siding with him for some reason and won't even consider me taking on the tenancy.

It may also be pertinent to say that I do have bills here that are in my name and I am on the electoral role, if that makes any difference whatsover.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated Sad

OP posts:
Leftbutcameback · 02/11/2021 14:42

Did you say you were in Oxfordshire OP? That's a massive amount of rent, and I'm surprised the LL has agreed to break the lease as I agree it'll be difficult to re-let.

I can understand why you're in shock - it's all happened so quickly and sounds awful. What's your priority at the moment? Is it to stay in the house as long as possible, or to find somewhere where you can feel secure?

Whatever your rights are, sometimes fighting can prolong the stress and stop you moving on.

LondonBaggie · 02/11/2021 14:54

Where are you based ? You need to walk away start again, never underestimate your own strength. Learn from mistake and never look back. It is tough but with time things get better. I pray for you 🙏

Landof · 02/11/2021 15:06

Wow what a horrible man. I'm glad you are rid!

If you can afford 4k of rent a month, I'd just find a little one bed flat

butterpuffed · 02/11/2021 15:07

If you can pay £4000 a month , put all your stuff in storage and stay in a hotel until you decide what to do.

Original poster
SerendipitousEmma · 02/11/2021 15:14

@Leftbutcameback I'd like to stay in the house. This was my 5th move in 5 years and I thought my last for a while. I'm reeling from it all.

OP posts:
Concerned3 · 02/11/2021 15:17

Sorry the bloke messed you around so much. 💐

So you do have access to the property - and your belongings - as you got an extra set of keys cut?

What's your aim here... stay put as long as possible, paying the 4k per month each month?

Or longer than 5 months ideally, paying the 4k per month?

Or just stay long enough to sort something else out - rather than out by end of week as you think LL was suggesting?

Original poster
SerendipitousEmma · 02/11/2021 15:28

@Concerned3

Sorry the bloke messed you around so much. 💐

So you do have access to the property - and your belongings - as you got an extra set of keys cut?

What's your aim here... stay put as long as possible, paying the 4k per month each month?

Or longer than 5 months ideally, paying the 4k per month?

Or just stay long enough to sort something else out - rather than out by end of week as you think LL was suggesting?

Yes, I do have keys and I'm in the house. I fortunately preempted him doing this as he was quite fond of taking my keys away and reminding me that he had done all of this for me 🙄

I really don't know what I want. To feel secure, I've moved closer to my family here which I love, there is space for my dog to run around. I've had a look online and there is very little around.

OP posts:
Original poster
SerendipitousEmma · 02/11/2021 15:44

Shelter have confirmed that I have no right to be here.

All I can do is try and negotiate with the landlord or find somewhere else to go.

I'm gutted. I feel like I've been played but I don't know why.

OP posts:
Hogwarts4Christmas · 02/11/2021 15:54

Are your references that bad that even being able to afford £4K per month you'd not be able to secure another place?

Why is this?

Is it financial as if so you could pay in advance to prove you can pay that night help going forwards?

Or some other reason??

Hogwarts4Christmas · 02/11/2021 15:55

*might

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 02/11/2021 15:58

If you have 4K a month to spend on your housing, then you can easily find somewhere else to rent - even if it means moving a few miles from where you are now. You now need to be ruthlessly practical and leave the regrets and sadness for what you might have had for when you again have a secure roof over your head and time on your hands.

If you earn so much I am baffled as to why you have got yourself into a position where you can’t find somewhere to rent. But your first task now is to hire some storage, and a van, and move all your belongings out so they are safe. If you are close to family now then surely you should be able to stay with one of them until you secure a rental.

Is there more to your story that you’re not telling us? Because you really shouldn’t have trouble housing yourself with access to that amount of money.

Concerned3 · 02/11/2021 16:04

Reminders he'd 'done all this for you'... what a charmer. 🙄

If it were me, I'd trust Shelters advice. Might also see how many months of rent (if any) I could pre-pay to the LL, and try to negotiate from there.

But if paying the 4k each month isn't what you want longer term (& it may be that in time you don't want to stay in the place that was meant to be your home as a couple) .... might be easier for you to plan to be out sooner than later, not having the stress. Fresh start. Good luck. 💐

astoundedgoat · 02/11/2021 16:18

OP, if you are in such a tricky situation with references, but can potentially afford £4k (it's listed as £4.5k on Rightmove!) in rent, surely you can afford a mortgage? Do you have any capital you could use as a deposit? Even if you can't get one right this minute, you can rent a little house in Banbury for a good bit under 1k a month (presumably if you pay up front you can wriggle around the referencing issue) and get saving so that you can have some stability in your life.

There's no point lamenting what can't be changed now. Get your stuff into storage and get into a house elsewhere asap. Get an Airbnb to tide you over for the next couple of weeks.

With your kind of income, it might be that council housing is unlikely, but you have lots of solutions if you can just throw a bit of money at it, even if you're miserable at having to DO it.

What a bastard this man is, though, really.

Original poster
SerendipitousEmma · 02/11/2021 16:28

@astoundedgoat How did you manage to work out the house?!

OP posts:
Original poster
SerendipitousEmma · 02/11/2021 16:29

You're all completely right, I know. I'm just so tired of all of this. I want security.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 02/11/2021 16:32

If you want security why arent you buying your own property. Just get a temporary rental then buy. Dont get the problem when you have such a large housing budget.

chesirecat99 · 02/11/2021 16:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RockLobstersAndHauntedGymsIsIt · 02/11/2021 16:36

The one for 4.5k says available January. Nancy Drew Crew member x

dreamingbohemian · 02/11/2021 16:39

If you have that kind of money, put your things in storage and rent an AirBNB in your area for a month while you figure out what to do (you don't need a credit check for that).

Merryoldgoat · 02/11/2021 16:43

You can afford rent of £4000 on your own?

esloquehay · 02/11/2021 16:52

If this isn't all bs and you can afford £4,000 a month at a push, I'm not sure why you're being quite so dramatic about this.

chesirecat99 · 02/11/2021 16:54

@RockLobstersAndHauntedGymsIsIt

The one for 4.5k says available January. Nancy Drew Crew member x
Then your detective skills or RightMove's search function are lacking.

@SerendipitousEmma It is very easy to identify your house. You might want to report any posts that mention the rental amount and availability date and ask MN to edit your posts with those details or delete the thread.

Original poster
SerendipitousEmma · 02/11/2021 17:14

@esloquehay

If this isn't all bs and you can afford £4,000 a month at a push, I'm not sure why you're being quite so dramatic about this.
Seriously?? I've been here 4 weeks! This was supposed to be a home. My home. I can't easily afford the rent by any stretch but I would do my utmost just to have some stability and not have to pack another house up.
OP posts:
TwoAndCooPlease · 02/11/2021 17:22

Of course it's upsetting but you've surely not been there long enough for it to feel like a home?
Would you not like to settle down into a nice fresh house on your own with your little dog, make it your own and have no bad memories of the bastard?
I know you've moved 5 times in 5 years but maybe sixth time lucky op?

astoundedgoat · 02/11/2021 17:23

@SerendipitousEmma Not that many houses in Oxfordshire for that much money available on the 22nd of November! You should ask Mumsnet to edit, maybe.