Page 3 | I had a day annual leave today didn’t tell my family

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 01/11/2021 21:48

how very dare you decompress on a whim instead of discussing it with everyone well in advance?
and for a whole day? what's next? dyeing your hair because you feel like it? buying new shoes independently? going to the loo when you need to?

to the guillotines with you!!!

ChargingBuck · 01/11/2021 21:48

@Justlovedogs

Not unreasonable. Don't tell DH, but I've done this every so often for years! I had a secret afternoon off a couple of weeks ago to meet my sister and just have a seaside walk, a coffee and chill time. DH just wouldn't understand. Enjoy!

What would he not understand @Justlovedogs?

Does he not like you doing things independently?

Hawkins001 · 01/11/2021 21:51

@Mylittlesecret10021

I had some of half term off last week. I wfh and my other half goes into the office so leaves 8am and is back around 6.30-7pm. My mum usually see’s my nana so will sometimes pop in for a tea during the week at random times. I just wanted a day to myself to do whatever I wanted without expectations or interruptions. I thought if my mum knew she would defiantly be over and I couldn’t use the excuse of being busy at work. I ended up doing some cleaning and tidying, long dog walk, some shopping and watching the end of the bbc drama showtrial. It was bliss. Is it bad I didn’t mention in advance? It just didn’t come up in conversation and tbh my other half does a sport on a Monday evening so only seen him for 5 mins and he didn’t ask how my day was.

For me im similar in that if I get a day off, I prefer to say I'm at the office, the reason being is it gives me time to complete the tasks or make improvements on projects I'm progressing with and studying, otherwise it can be oh your off on x day, could you do this ect, which I don't mind helping out but then if im also doing different items for people in the evening s then before I know it, the weeks gone and it's the following week,

Overall if I keep it as I'm at the office Monday to Saturday regardless, then when I need to fit in any projects, doing some more studying , or catch up from the week before, I can plan those activities to be completed. Otherwise it's oh your free, can you do x ect.

Hamilfan · 01/11/2021 21:54

I'm going to do this later this month. I need it for my mental health

RevolvingPivot · 01/11/2021 21:56

If you only have 4 weeks holiday per year and you use that for family holidays YABU

If your mum looked after your child while she thought you were working YABU

If you wouldn't be happy at your DH doing the same YABU

If non of these apply then YANBU

category12 · 01/11/2021 22:02

It's fine as long as if your dh did the same you wouldn't throw a strop.

Teaandtoastedbiscuits · 01/11/2021 22:06

I've also done this and felt that it's well deserved. It's nice to be nice to yourself

User310 · 01/11/2021 22:22

I read a thread like this a few months ago where a women had come on to say her husband had taken a secret day of annual leave off and the replies were awful. How selfish he was, how he was a man child and inconsiderate etc. The difference in whether a man or women does this is astonishing.

For the record, I would also do this and wouldn’t care if my husband did particularly but just could help notice the difference in replies.

CookieCrunch123 · 01/11/2021 22:27

I do this once every 1-2 months and don’t tell anyone. DH sort of knows as he asked me if I didn’t have work once but obviously he doesn’t mind. We both think it’s sensible and fair to get a break every now and then.

eustonwehaveaproblem · 01/11/2021 22:28

@Mylittlesecret10021

I had some of half term off last week. I wfh and my other half goes into the office so leaves 8am and is back around 6.30-7pm. My mum usually see’s my nana so will sometimes pop in for a tea during the week at random times. I just wanted a day to myself to do whatever I wanted without expectations or interruptions. I thought if my mum knew she would defiantly be over and I couldn’t use the excuse of being busy at work. I ended up doing some cleaning and tidying, long dog walk, some shopping and watching the end of the bbc drama showtrial. It was bliss. Is it bad I didn’t mention in advance? It just didn’t come up in conversation and tbh my other half does a sport on a Monday evening so only seen him for 5 mins and he didn’t ask how my day was.

Lord, how old are you that you're worried about your Mum crashing your day off? It all sounds very enmeshed.

CookieCrunch123 · 01/11/2021 22:29

I’ve also caught my DH at the golf course when I thought he was at work 😂 everyone needs a break

Graymare · 01/11/2021 22:37

I did this one night, while pregnant with DC3 and working nightshifts. Was absolutely knackered and not sleeping at all well on our worn out old mattress. Booked the night off work without even telling DH, who would have grumped about me not wanting to be at home, booked in to a hotel with a blissfully comfortable bed all to myself and no children to worry about.
The only problem was being temporarily reluctant to go home the next day!

853ax · 01/11/2021 22:50

Great idea! I often make plans to do this but then find out need a day or half day off to take child to appt or some other family thing so holiday gets changed or used up. My husband does this some mornings he still in bed when should be working casually mentions oh I'm off today.

rc22 · 01/11/2021 23:01

I'm a teacher and so is DH so I'm never off work by self but I would definitely do it if I could! YANBU OP!!

WorraLiberty · 01/11/2021 23:09

@Mylittlesecret10021

Well they pick up my son on a Monday and we speak daily so she would usually ask about my day. I just didn’t get into with her. I knew if she knew I was off she would come round and I just wanted to be left alone.

Tbh I would of told my partner but the day came along and we were just in the usual routine of getting ready this morning and it didn’t come up. If he asked what I had on today as sometimes does then I would of said actually I’m off!

I knew if she knew I was off she would come round and I just wanted to be left alone.

And expect you to pick your child up yourself?

fedup65356 · 01/11/2021 23:17

I did this two days last week while WFH DH went on first post-Covid overseas work trip - it was complete bliss and very relaxing. I didn’t have to book holiday as those days are non-contractual, so simply told my employer well in advance I would be unavailable those dates. No problem and a much needed break.

DH will be doing more business trips like he did pre-Covid, can't wait

Coffeeschmoffe · 02/11/2021 02:32

Interesting that when a man does it, he gets berated and called deceitful, selfish and childish, but when a woman does it, the mumsnetters all support her and tell her it’s a fabulous idea and she absolutely deserves it. The double standards are, as @User310 says, astonishing.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1393474-Husband-secretely-takes-day-off

PaulaTrilloe · 02/11/2021 02:54

Pre COVID I sometimes used to book a bargain night in a Premier Inn Inn another city it was great

MiddleParking · 02/11/2021 03:50

I think it’s really sad that anyone would have to lie about this! (Unless they’re doing it to get free childcare by stealth, or using up AL that means someone else outside the two parents will be obliged to pick up childcare slack another time, which is out of order.) Otherwise you should be able to have one single day to yourself without lying to people about it.

MiniPumpkin · 02/11/2021 04:07

Yanbu we all need some peace.

I used do this when working full time, dc would be at nursery and I wouldn’t mention it to my mum as she would say ‘great where are we going’ 🤣 and sometime I just needed a day to myself.
Good for you op

WeLovetoBoogieonaSaturdayNight · 02/11/2021 05:13

You done good, @OP!
YANBU at all.

There was another thread a few months ago, about (essentially) this same thing.

Everybody needs some down time to regain a bit of sanity.
If others won't respect your time off, then don't tell them.

Original poster

Mylittlesecret10021 · 02/11/2021 06:52

@Nancydrawn yes they did as he goes somewhere with his grandad to do a joint activity

OP posts:

Original poster

Mylittlesecret10021 · 02/11/2021 06:53

@PotteringAlong I haven’t outright lied to anyone. Like I said if my other half asked about my day I would of said I was off but because it’s a busy Monday it never came up. My mum just said how was your day and I said good. I wouldn’t of said to my partner I had worked when I hadn’t.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mylittlesecret10021 · 02/11/2021 06:55

@Cofifeefee this is exactly it. I knew it could be taken over.

OP posts:

Cofifeefee · 02/11/2021 06:56

@Coffeeschmoffe that thread was nearly 10 years ago! Time moves on, opinions change.

Anyway, unless all the same people posted on that one and this one, it's not double standards.