Aibu…gift giving

[Moobear123]

Hey so my partner thinks i’m 100% in the wrong for this.
We had a pointless argument regarding him spending 70p on Halloween facial stickers (which I was really great full for because I didn’t have to paint my face) It was a casual misunderstanding and I thought he was holding me to it when he was making a joke. I’d pointed out I had recently spent a large amount of money on him and surprised him with something he had been talking about. I explained that he doesn’t reciprocate small surprises the way I do.
He went on to tell me how ungrateful I am because he spends so much money on my kids (from a previous relationship) which he does, he always gives them small surprises and buys them gifts all the time. I have said multiple times how much I appreciate what she does for the kids but I would also like little surprises like that. I had majorly hinted for flowers one day and had said I was going to shop to buy myself some to cheer me up after a rubbish day. Later that day he told me I he was going to said shop. He did not buy me flowers. I understand that men sometimes don’t pick up on hints.

He said I’m unreasonable for asking for flowers now and again and small surprises because me and my kids are a package and I should be grateful that he gives them so much. I had explained that our one on one relationship and the health of it does not involve the kids so showing love via gift giving towards each other is irrelevant to the kids.

I know I probably sound ungrateful the way I said it and explain I should have said “I enjoyed when you used to buy me flowers and small gifts and would appreciate if you could do it again”
He said he appreciates when we get on….baby steps. Saying that until I stop moaning he is refusing to do anything like that for me.

Sorry if it was a long round about way of saying things. I’m just very frustrated and annoyed of having to beg for basics

If I were you, stop waiting on him to buy you small gifts and buy them yourself otherwise you will miss out. Randomly treat yourself to flowers, chocolates, perfum etc. You cant force people to behave in a way that you want and some people just dont think of buying small gifts like that. It doesnt mean they dont care though.

How old are you? Why on earth would a grown woman be hinting about flowers? It’s just me embarrassing. If you want them, buy them yourself ffs. You sound overly materialistic if I’m honest.

YABU. If you want flowers buy them yourself?
I couldn't imagine hinting at my partner to buy me gifts. I think it's a bit self absorbed.

And also I don't blame him refusing to do anything else till you quit moaning either.

"Showing love via gift-giving".....Love is nothing to do with gift-giving. And gift-giving is nothing to do with love! YABU.

Giving flowers means a man been unfaithful. Stop asking for gifts and buy things yourself. You not a child. Yabu. If you don't want to be with him leave him.

Yes, YABVU

YABU.

Don't hint for things - it's not helpful, he's then failing a test he didn't know he was taking.

He sounds lovely - if he's always getting your kids little bits and bobs and treats, then he clearly cares about you and your DC?

"showing love by gift giving" sounds really grabby. Surely he shows love by being loving?

There are many, many ways to show love for someone that don’t involve being bought gifts. I’d try to work out why you find symbolic ‘proof’ of love and thoughtfulness through things like flowers so important. It is perfectly possible for really shit men to buy gifts for their partners, making the flowers absolutely meaningless. Is he kind? Is he thoughtful in other ways? Do flowers really show he loves you or do the other things that he does show you this? Sometimes, when children have parents who are barely around, that parent compensates with gifts to make up for their absence, as a kind of reassurance that they do actually care. Did you have some sort of family situation where material things were used as evidence of affection?

He sounds great. You sound ungrateful.

I think YABU to hint rather than asking directly, and to expect gifts as 'surprises'. Not everyone is that into 'surprises' (to receive, as well as to give). And asking directly for what you want is not the same as 'having to beg', unless there are things that you haven't told us about the relationship.

Sorry if it was a long round about way of saying things. I’m just very frustrated and annoyed of having to beg for basics

Basics? Expecting gifts for no reason at all isn't basics! You sound very demanding and immature, surely him treating your kids well is more important than expecting him to buy you random stuff too

I get where you are coming from. DP occasionally buys flowers (like once a year) but will bring me back some chocolate or something he's seen whilst he's out if he thinks I'll like it. I'll do the same for him (and our DCs). Its a small way of saying I'm thinking of you.

What’s the point of having him buy you flowers if he’s only done it because you hinted? You may as well have bought them yourself.

Honestly, I think you are putting far too much importance on gifts. Presumably you’re a grown woman, if you want a treat buy it yourself. It’s unrealistic to expect to be showered with gifts by your partner throughout the relationship, especially once you have kids involved. The fact he buys things for your kids is lovely and shows he’s thoughtful and kind, it’s not like your kids can go out and buy treats themselves in the same way, but you’re an adult you shouldn’t need to have someone else buy you things.

Honestly, you sound extremely high maintenance and truthfully if you’re having to hint and beg for gifts then I don’t see why you would want them anyway. Just treat yourself, and stop buying him expensive gifts if it bothers you they’re not reciprocated.

Thank you for some of your nicer comments.
I understand it can come across as materialistic, trust me I’m really not I do not care for material items. I have pointed out other non money spending ways to show love and affection, compliments, spending time one on one together, physical touch. Just the general 5 love languages kinda thing.
He used to be very relationship focused and was extremely loving but the past maybe 3 months he’s changed. Anytime I come up with ideas of (non materialistic ideas) of how to show love from him and from myself, it’s dismissed and he keeps saying I ask too much but he doesn’t realise that the small things that mattered he used to do and we basically live as friends more than anything now. Obviously to any of the issues on here there is going to be more to the story on both sides.

I also think society’s way of “he must do this and that or he doesn’t love you” plays a part in it.

Good grief

Yabu

Surely you wouldn't want flowers you've had to beg for?

Buy your own. Buying gifts doesn't show love.

Yabu

You're a grown woman, buy your own flowers and chocolates.

Would you prefer he stops spending his money on your kids and spends it on you instead? So then you can post photos of said gift on Facebook so all your friends know how perfect your relationship is? #bestboyfriendever #solucky #feeling loved

I’m not one for Facebook actually

Instagram then? Surely showboating has to be the reason for this immature mentality.

@Moobear123

I’m not one for Facebook actually

You are exactly the kind of person who loves Facebook

#Making memories
#Blessed
#Spoilt

I also think society’s way of “he must do this and that or he doesn’t love you” plays a part in it

That’s not society, that’s you. You’re setting him these silly passive aggressive tests - hinting at flowers ffs! - and moaning at him when he fails them.

* I also think society’s way of “he must do this and that or he doesn’t love you” plays a part in it*

Perhaps if you’re 13 years old

I'm not really sure what has happened, but he seems as if he's lovely to your kids, so him not getting you presents shouldn't be such a big deal (ro me).

But if it is a big deal to you, maybe tell him?