To argue that this should is not a suitable topic for the Girl Guides

[MovedByFanciesThatAreCurled]

Girlguiding is for girls, aged 10-14. So why then do they feel the need to promote this on their social media?

This week is #AceWeek - a time to raise awareness and understanding of the asexual community. So here’s a shout-out to all of our asexual volunteers and members – thank you for everything you do in Girlguiding.

The reference to ‘members’ is quite clear. What on earth were they thinking in making reference to young girls’ sex lives (or lack of them according to the focus of the Tweet). How, as an organisation, have they strayed so far? I have two boys in the Scouts/Beavers and if this came up on either of their social media pages I would pull them out. Why is it seen to be an acceptable for Girlguiding?!!

I’m asexual. I wish I had known about it in my teens instead of only discovering it in my 30s, for most of my life I have thought I was broken, I didn’t realise that other people felt like me.

When I was 12/13/14 my friends were all getting into boys and talking about who they fancied and getting first boyfriends etc and I felt so far away from being interested in that but didn’t know why. I thought that I just needed to practice and that if I did I would fancy people so I would kiss and put myself in situations with boys I didn’t want to be in in the hope something would click and I’d feel what my friends clearly did. I felt so abnormal and babyish in conversations about fancying people, it was at about 14 that I started to struggle with my mental health and I still struggle with self harm, bulimia, social anxiety and have crisis periods where I’m suicidal as I’m adult. All these things started in adolescence as I felt so separate from other people.

In my later teens I put myself in lots of dangerous sexual situations trying to cure the fact I didn’t like sex, I thought I just needed to practice and that then I would get it and I was sure I must be bad at sex so I was embarrassed to have sex with anyone I knew so would pick up men at nightclubs and have one night stands, hoping at some point it would stop being so horrible and I would like it like a normal person. I have been sexually assaulted several times, including raped, because of the dangerous situations I have put myself in trying to be normal. I had one toxic relationship in my early twenties where again I hoped if I just tried hard enough I could enjoy sex and physical intimacy but I couldn’t, I would cry during sex every time forcing myself to try and fake it and it got to the point where I couldn’t even let him look at me let alone touch me without feeling exposed.

I wish that I had known about asexuality in adolescence and that I hadn’t started trying to force myself to kiss boys at school discos aged 12/13 in the hope I would eventually like it like a ‘normal’ person. I feel so much shame about being asexual, it was only a few months ago I was able to admit it to a group of my closest friends for the first time but mostly I hide it from others. I hate this part of me, I wish I could feel sexual attraction like most people do, I feel like I’m missing something most would consider a normal and integral part to being human.

I don’t think early secondary school age is too young to be aware of asexuality, by 14 many teens are already in relationships and will have had their first kiss. By that age I knew I wasn’t normal and my mental health was already struggling because of it, maybe if I had known it was okay to be asexual and if I had been able to be proud of it and share it with my peers my life wouldn’t have turned out so miserably. I wouldn’t want other asexual people to have to live the life I have lived or to have the trauma associated with the situations I felt I had to put myself in to cure my feelings. I wish I had known there wasn’t a cure and maybe even felt like I could own my sexuality and be proud, or at least accepting of it.

Wheres the line though in terms of celebrating sexualities? Kink, furries, MAPS. My small children know that males and females can love either sex and have two mummies etc no further explanation required. Do we really need 'children' considering adults who for whatever reason will never need or want to be in a sexual relationship.

YANBU. It’s really disappointing. I always wanted to send DD to rainbows, brownies etc once she’s old enough because I value single sex activities. I didn’t want to send her to Cubs and scouts now they allow girls because I felt like it suggested the girls’ activities weren’t as good. But if Girl Guiding are carrying on like this then Scouts will be a far better option.

@Houseofmirth66

Any adult volunteer who wants to discus any aspect of their sex life with a child is not safe to be around any child.

Why do you think people are talking about their sex lives?

I’m really struggling with this whole thing. I’m dreading my kids becoming teens (I have two pre-teens so imminently).

This seems to be a re-run of the homophobic thread claiming that coming out as gay at work was "talking about your sex life" and therefore shameful - whereas people coming out as straight at work by openly talking about their heterosexual spouses on a regular basis was supposedly different and not shameful.

The tweet seems like it was just a shout out to their asexual members/volunteers? Little kids are not on twitter, rangers are something like 15-18 years, then young leaders 18+? So it's just acknowledging them.
My dd goes to guides, and no one has ever tried to teach her about any sexual orientation, it's all camp fires, den building, group games, community clean up type things

Because people keep asking them why they don't have a boyfriend / girlfriend, or keep trying to set them up with people?

I really do understand needing to tell nosey people who are trying to interfere in your life. There’s loads of single people, however, and as a child you don’t really speculate as to why. (I had 5 unmarried aunts myself and didn’t give it much thought). So the wording in the OP, a time to raise awareness and understanding of the asexual community. So here’s a shout-out to all of our asexual volunteers and members – thank you for everything you do in Girlguiding.‘ just sounds really odd.

It’s this wording from the

you the OPs offense is at the fact a group she believes is for 10-14 year old girls told those girls it's ok to NOT want to have sex.

Surely the opposite (telling them it ok TO have sex) would be inappropriate.

I was hype-sexually aware at 12, it kicked in right when my periods did on my 12th birthday, we need to stop pretending teens have no clue.

I was deemed 'prudish' in school for being a virgin and most girls I knew had lost their virginity by 14 and it was peer pressure and bullying that came from other girls our age, not boys or adults - having adults reassure you its ok to not want to have sex is really not the problem.

I would say that because of the age range its probably not suitable. 4 years between 10 and 14 is massive.
My DC are 12 and 15 and there is quite a difference in suitable discussion (and what they understand)

@MolkosTeenageAngst

At its best, GG should have been a space for someone like you as a teen; a space away from pressures of sexuality (no boys) but nonetheless somewhere you might have discussed your feelings in a supportive atmosphere and had asexuality affirmed as an orientation.

@ftw163532

This seems to be a re-run of the homophobic thread claiming that coming out as gay at work was "talking about your sex life" and therefore shameful - whereas people coming out as straight at work by openly talking about their heterosexual spouses on a regular basis was supposedly different and not shameful.

Totally different.

This thread is about guiding and child safeguarding.

Adults and children are not comparable in this topic.

Guides is not the place for pshe.
It's not monitored closely enough.
They don't have robust schemes of work.
Volunteers can be a range of ages and experience.
They have minimal safeguarding training and systems.

A tweet like that brings it into the unit in an uncontrolled way.
What's wrong with pushing acceptance in an age appropriate way?

Not so much uncomfortable, but why does anyone who is asexual want others to know or care?

As shown by the comments on here every single time people mention asexuality, it is EXTREMELY misunderstood. It is not about whether people have sex or not, it is about whether people are sexually attracted to someone else. Some asexual people have sex and kids and get married, they aren't sexually attracted to their partners but enjoy sex and love their partners.

I knew I was asexual when I was 11ish, when everyone started talking about which boyband member they fancied most or which boy in school they had a crush on. I knew I was asexual when I was 13 and people started getting boyfriends and girlfriends. I, however, had never heard about asexuality or knew it had a name so I spent all of my late teens and early 20s thinking that there was something wrong with me and that I was broken. I 100% think this was the cause of my depression at that time.

I first heard the word when I was probably 25/26 and it was like a light turning on, suddenly I could communicate with people who felt the same way as I do and I was normal.

If I had heard about asexuality when I was 10 then the next 15 years of my life would have been so much happier.

Any adult volunteer who wants to discus any aspect of their sex life with a child is not safe to be around any child.

Ah shit. Pretty much every woman leading our local units has had her DBS-checked husband help with an activity from time to time, and openly acknowledged her heterosexuality by introducing him to the girls as her husband.

I better get reporting them all.

Or is sexual orientation only considered "talking about your sex life" if you are not heterosexual?

How on earth do you know that you are ‘asexual’ at 10. Ridiculous. At 10 most kids would be deemed ‘asexual’ - as they should be. Discussion of sex drives etc has no place in Guiding in my opinion.

My gay friends say they knew they were gay before they left primary school. I had my first kiss aged 11 as did many of my friends. I don't think its unreasonable to think you might be aware of being asexual aged 10. And in any case girl guides isn't just aged 10-14. I don't see the issue in talking about sexual orientation to children who are almost at secondary school age at the very youngest.

@Houseofmirth66

Any adult volunteer who wants to discus any aspect of their sex life with a child is not safe to be around any child.

So if a group asks the leader if they've seen the new bond film and they says "yes, my wife and I saw it at the weekend" is that discussing their sex life? If a group asks a leader if they're married and the leader replies "yes, my husband and I have been married 5 years" or if the group asks "why don't you have a boyfriend?" And the leader says "because I'm asexual" is that talking about their sex lives?

A tweet like that brings it into the unit in an uncontrolled way.

How so? If you're going to make wild claims like that then back it up.

What this thread shows is that many of the general public don't understand or value a
Safeguarding.
Asexuality can be acknowledged in age appropriate pshe lessons by appropriately trained professionals.
It will be 'subliminally' acknowledged by the inclusion of single leaders, of which there is an abundance in guiding.
A woman leader with a partner doesn't announce she's heterosexual.

This thread is equating non-heterosexual orientations as "talking about your sex life" without applying the same standard to heterosexuality.

It is the same prejudice manifesting.

It’s inappropriate considering the age group. And also isn’t guiding for learning about nature and how to be a good citizen?

I don’t know if this is the place to have sexual conversations. Not everything needs to be a platform about sex and sexuality.

It seems amazingly excessive the way children are constantly bombarded with sexual imagery and constant talk about sex etc.

Sex is natural, but are there any spaces where children can just be children? Can they just do the guiding and enjoy nature and learn about being a good citizens without sex coming up?

I don’t know much about girl guiding in the UK, but I imagine they might talk about puberty and periods? But even that might be a stretch for such an activity group.

Hate to say it… but this is the sort of sexually charged world that men absolutely love! The younger children are overly exposed to sexual themes, the lower their boundaries and inhibitions against inappropriate behaviour.

I’m not sure what the benefit of this is or the background here, but it sounds questionable.

Because children will ask about it. And an unprepared leader may or may not have the skills to navigate it.

Please leave pshe to the professionals. There's a reason teachers are highly trained.

you the OPs offense is at the fact a group she believes is for 10-14 year old girls told those girls it's ok to NOT want to have sex.

Asexuality is not celibacy. Some asexual people can and do want sex, they can enjoy sex. Asexuality about who you fancy.

It's more like telling a group of 10-14 year olds that just because all of your friends seem to have crushes on BTS (or whatever group is cool) or boys/girls in school then it's ok if you don't. Just because your friends in school want to have a boyfriend/girlfriend then it's ok if you don't.

I think this thread shows people don't understand the organisation they're attacking. Or are wilfully misrepresenting it in order to justify an attack.

I think it shows people up as extremely prejudiced.

I think it shows people making strawman arguments about the significance of a single tweet. Which the same posters usually find highly objectionable when it's done to them.

I don’t know much about girl guiding in the UK, but I imagine they might talk about puberty and periods? But even that might be a stretch for such an activity group.

I left a few years back but training on this topic was non existent. It was a work it out for yourself vibe.

I don't think much of their safeguarding procedures, they are nowhere near as robust as they are in education.

Which is why they should leave the topic alone.