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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask them to control the children?

146 replies

PyjamaMuddleduck · 31/10/2021 01:25

I attend a specialist baby and toddler group for families. There’s a separate baby room with socially distant mats for each family and a bigger toddler/child room.
This week, a very snotty toddler came into the baby room and to the mat where we were, leaving a toy behind. Several other children also ran around the room close to the babies.
My baby now sounds snuffly and has a cough (covid test pending) - we’ve not been anywhere else this week.
WIBU to ask the organisers to remind parents to keep the older kids out of the baby room? And maybe not to bring their children if they’re clearly unwell?
I love going but not sure we’ll go back now

OP posts:
RichTeaRichTea · 31/10/2021 07:30

“Pandemic management” - I have no opinion on you testing your baby, but by definition people who are going to baby and toddler groups (knowing that toddlers can’t socially distance) have accepted a level of risk in return for the benefits that the groups offer

Caspianberg · 31/10/2021 07:31

Mine was walking by 9 months. Would he be banished from the baby room then? He was too small to have loads of toddlers running into him and still a ‘baby’. But one who would have no less left his ‘Mat’ rather quickly
He was crawling by 5 months. Surely crawling 5 month olds aren’t then not allowed

EllieSattler · 31/10/2021 07:34

Toddlers shouldn't be wandering anywhere unsupervised, if that was the case it ought to have been stopped, toddlers are adorable but have no sense or self control or awareness of their own strength.

I used to be quite blasé about baby colds until a toddler* sneezed on my 3 week old infant and two days later he ended up in resus because he had such low oxygen from bronchiolitis.

*the toddler was my own older child, bringing home delightful nursery germs.

blueberryporridge · 31/10/2021 07:35

With Covid still on the go, I don’t think I would be taking my baby to indoor baby groups to be honest. Can you not meet up with some other mums and babies outside eg in a park? I know that I will be flamed for saying this but we are still in a pandemic even though lots of people want to ignore this fact. Also, parents should be keeping their toddlers under better control. If toddler in question wasn’t with mum and baby in baby room, where was his/her mum/cater. Yes, toddlers “break loose” but they should not be charging around unsupervised.

WinoLino · 31/10/2021 07:36

@DeepaBeesKit I get what you are saying about testing but my son's only Covid symptom was being sick and T&T told me that GI symptoms are common in some. He had none of the top 3.

Itsnotover · 31/10/2021 07:36

I can see both sides of this. It’s the sorry of thing that sometimes happens but You’re not unreasonable to expect parents to supervise their own toddlers - what kind of parents aren’t concerned about where their child is?

When smaller babies get colds, they don’t sleep! So yeah I can understand wanting to avoid them for smaller babies.

Santastuckincustoms · 31/10/2021 07:38

You're being precious I'm afraid. They'll catch colds, bugs, probably covid too, and it will affect sleep and it'll be gruelling but even pre-covid times you kind of had to get used to the fact that the first year or two is awful, constant bugs, teething, tantrums. You can't control it, you just have to get through it.

I'd recommend the Calpol plug in for colds. Lots of old towels on the bed for sickness bugs. Coffee and biscuits for you.

SGChome20 · 31/10/2021 07:39

I worried hugely about this taking my DD to baby groups. She was the one that was more mobile. Every person she went near I specifically asked ‘are you ok with her coming close’ or ‘would you like me to move her’ something like that. Everyone said no that it was fine so I just let her get on with it. I have to assume these people were being honest. If you have a problem with it you do need to speak up, maybe try and position yourself in a corner away from most others. Unfortunately though I think it is just how kids are. If your baby is going to a childcare setting it might even help them to have some exposure to bugs now.

Fundays12 · 31/10/2021 07:39

Toddlers shouldn’t be allowed to run around designated baby rooms. They are there to keep babies safe. I have 3 kids one is now a toddler. I still don’t like seeing toddlers and older children running around little babies and have never allowed it as it’s unsafe. Unfortunately your baby will get colds and long term it will help there immunity but maybe a polite email to ask is it possible toddlers are kept out of baby rooms as it’s not safe.

Practicebeingpatient · 31/10/2021 07:41

A word of warning. My sister was a preschool assistant at a very upmarket establishment on the upper west side of Manhattan. Every year they would get an intake of very privileged little 3/4 year olds attending for the first time to acclimatise them for school the following year. These children were raised in apartments with nannies and au pairs who were required to sterilise everything the child touched touched and they had never mixed with other kids before. She said they invariably spent most of the first two terms off sick with colds and bugs because their sheltered upbringings meant they had zero immunity.

PyjamaMuddleduck · 31/10/2021 07:41

Their parent wasn’t in the room for me to ‘speak up’ to. That is my issue.

OP posts:
GoodGrief100 · 31/10/2021 07:43

@PyjamaMuddleduck

Their parent wasn’t in the room for me to ‘speak up’ to. That is my issue.
I would honestly raise it with the staff so they can deal with it. If a toddler comes in, just get a member of staff if no parent is in sight. Speaking up to parents could end disastrously!
RichTeaRichTea · 31/10/2021 07:48

Based on experience of toddler groups - the parent probably had a baby too and at the moment the baby needed a feed/change etc the toddler decided to bolt!

Wagglerock · 31/10/2021 07:49

I'd never go any where if I had to wait till mine didn't have a snotty nose. That's just how it goes in the colder months unfortunately. I couldn't get worked up about a toddler coming in to be a baby room, it's just what happens at these sort of mixed age sessions. At the class I go to for mobile babies (under 1) they all sit on top of each other, grab hair and knock into each other, no one gets hurts but they've got no concept of personal space.

RichTeaRichTea · 31/10/2021 07:49

Absolutely fine to consider this on the basis of safety. Really in terms of colds though just being in a room with other humans is the risk. You have to choose whether the social aspects are worth it (they absolutely are for me - the isolation of lockdown with a baby and toddler resulted in PND)

SophieHatterPendragon · 31/10/2021 07:51

OP I don’t think YANBU about toddlers running about the baby room. Yes it’s hard to keep toddlers out of places BUT the parents should be supervising and making an effort especially if they have their own big room to run around. I have a 3.5yr old with autism and a 2 yr old. We’ve been to a few baby groups recently since they re opened and I’ve managed to keep both of mine away from the baby area (no separate room) or out the baby room. Personally I would mention that to the staff

But YABU about the colds issue. Playgroups etc and just a breeding ground for it so I think if you chose to attend those types of events and settings you have to be prepared you / baby may get ill.

toffeeshock · 31/10/2021 07:57

Our baby and toddler group was babies and toddlers mixed together and no babies came to any harm! They had a separate group on a different day for first time mums to get together (so no older siblings), which sounds like it would be more suitable for you. Yes, we picked up bugs regularly but that’s to be expected.

ALittleBitWorrriedNow · 31/10/2021 07:58

It sounds like this is your first baby. Unfortunately, colds, bugs etc are all part of having a small child and yes it can seem relentless but you can’t expect other parents to keep their children locked up every time they have a cold. Snot/runny nose isn’t a main symptom of Covid and most colds also come with coughs….They are building up their immune systems so it’s actually useful for your little one to catch things at this age they’re not constantly ill when they get to school.

PyjamaMuddleduck · 31/10/2021 08:01

@ALittleBitWorrriedNow

It sounds like this is your first baby. Unfortunately, colds, bugs etc are all part of having a small child and yes it can seem relentless but you can’t expect other parents to keep their children locked up every time they have a cold. Snot/runny nose isn’t a main symptom of Covid and most colds also come with coughs….They are building up their immune systems so it’s actually useful for your little one to catch things at this age they’re not constantly ill when they get to school.
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-57467051.amp

Runny nose is one of the main symptoms of the delta variant

OP posts:
RichTeaRichTea · 31/10/2021 08:03

Runny nose is one of the main symptoms of being a toddler tbh

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 31/10/2021 08:04

So are ear infections. So is diarrhea. Its so generalised. Its ridiculous to test on one symptom alone, there needs to be a mixture.

Im a nurse practitioner in GP

anon12345678901 · 31/10/2021 08:07

If you are worried about your baby catching a cold, you shouldn't take them to play groups. Unfortunately colds are common in these months.
With regards to the toddler running in, you can speak to the staff but these things can happen.

PyjamaMuddleduck · 31/10/2021 08:07

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

So are ear infections. So is diarrhea. Its so generalised. Its ridiculous to test on one symptom alone, there needs to be a mixture.

Im a nurse practitioner in GP

You’re a HCP and giving this bad advice that directly contradicts the guidance? Brilliant.
OP posts:
HalloweenScrooge · 31/10/2021 08:07

There are two parts to your problem. One is about unsupervised older children in the baby area - that should probably be addressed with the organisers. I don’t think anyone should have preschoolers where they can’t be seen at all times.

The second is about mild illnesses, here YABU. If you really don’t want your child to pick up coughs and colds then you need to stay away from baby groups. That’s obviously unrealistic from a maternal mental health POV, but you need to make a judgement call.

There is a school of thought that exposure to common viruses is beneficial for young children who are building an immune system. Yes the viruses change over time, but usually slowly so having had a different strain of a virus usually helps the body’s immune response. Part of the issue with covid is that it is significantly altered from previous coronaviruses in the population (possibly because it has mutated in an animal host, likely because it has been tampered with in a lab- I’m going with the accidental release theory based on my PhD in the life sciences). We don’t have any previously encountered illnesses like this one so it’s much harder for the body to fight, it spreads quickly, immune systems go into overdrive trying to kill it (which is largely what puts people in hospital, same as the 1919 flu).

Some academics believe that some more serious illnesses have some connection to how well tested our immune systems have been. Note, that doesn’t mean there is a causal link, but that in general, being exposed to mild infections may overall be protective. Covid has made us lose all perspective of childhood illness, and indeed my own (older) children appear to have lost some natural immunity through not having general population exposure to common illness.

TL;DR - common childhood illness is good for children.

marykitty · 31/10/2021 08:08

@RichTeaRichTea

Runny nose is one of the main symptoms of being a toddler tbh
Ahahah this made my laugh because it's so so true Grin