Spider in the airing cupboard disagreement

[WTF475878237NC]

I am scared of spiders. Both parents are as well as siblings.

Spider in the airing cupboard the other day when I came to get bedding out. Sprayed with well known chemical spray and shut the door. Realise afterwards I should not have done this as the chemicals will be all over our bedding and towels. Decide to re-wash the towels and spare bedding (this is three loads of laundry). I get through one load. Then today my partner is going to make the spare bed up and goes to the airing cupboard and I explain what happened and I haven't finished washing it all. He is angry and swears and exclaims we live in the effing countryside and I need to stop being so ridiculous and how effing annoying this is and I should not have used the spray and should have just ignored the spider.

Another load is in the wash but the atmosphere is horrible now.

YABU get over your spider phobia or don't bother with the bedding

YANBU you can't help the phobia and need to wash the bedding

I have been on 2 courses at Bristol Zoo. The first one did nothing. I have always been fine with tarantulas, their size makes them less 'spidery'.

But some of the techniques for reducing the fight or flight response was useful. So a few years later I went again and got a lot more out of it.

But the best thing has been a calm and trustworthy DH who never showed anything other than understanding... and great removal skills. I always have time to deal with my fear and can often overcome it.

Currently that means the spider dies. But I have hopes that I will be able to deal with them the same way as I deal with wasps etc, capture and release.

Yanbu. At least you had the spray to hand, I usually only have my slippers on to use to kill them. He's being unreasonable for creating an atmosphere over a spider and the beddings to need to be re-washed but other than that yanbu.

Thanks for the replies and ideas on other ways of dealing with them.

Well done to those of you have overcome it or are on the way to capture and release!

Yes the voting isn't quite right in hindsight. I see I shouldn't have killed the spider, but having sprayed it, looks like people agree I need to wash the chemicals off.

He's just apologised for the swearing and I've shared the responses on here and accept IABU. He's more upset that I killed the spider than the bedding, as many of you pointed out too!

Thanks all.

I am afraid of spiders yet wouldn’t kill them - but greatly admire Nicole Kidman for capturing this one www.instagram.com/p/Bl02vhshHFU/?utm_medium=copy_link

I'm an ex-arachnophobe and would have done what you did once upon a time, your DP was an arse to shout at you for it. I can't really tell you what stopped my fear but I'm genuinely not afraid of spiders now, even quite like them. It all seemed to change when DD started giving them names! Then she got really interested in exotic spiders and started showing me pictures of various ones she liked online and I found myself reading up about them. Now I like to try and guess what species the ones we get in the house or garden are, DD and I have a competition going for who gets most right They're actually fascinating when you know a bit about them, I like having them round the house so I can watch them going about their spidery business. I may even reconsider DD's request for a tarantula at some point and I never thought I'd say that!

I am phobic about spiders and have no qualms about Hoovering them up (while wearing full body protection, rubber gloves, using longest possible Hoover nozzle etc). No humane disposal in this house. I also have spider spray, and would not hesitate to use it. Spiders do not belong in airing cupboards.

You should have tried to catch the spider in a glass or mug or something, and put it outside. I know lots of people who are afraid of spiders, but once you brave yourself up, and try and catch one, you will probably be able to do it again if you see one in an enclosed space. if you use a jar, or tall glass, they can't climb out when you catch them.
You are not living in the tropics here, that have huge dangerous spiders to cope with.

It's not nice to squirt chemical stuff on them, as you will either paralyse them,or kill them.

I’m scared of them too so DH removes them and puts them outside
I also use spider stop which deters them and is just essential oils

I hate spiders. DH does too. But I couldn't be bothered washing a load of bedding. I doubt the spray is harmful to humans.

I won't comment on the killing of the spider, but, once again, I am astonished how many people think that spiders ( along with mice, rats etc) only occur in the countryside or rural areas and that towns, cities and urban areas are devoid of all life except Homo sapiens! There are as many of these living things (which were around long before we were, and will still be here, long after we have gone) inhabiting populated areas as there are in the countryside.

I'm terrified of spiders but would never kill one. Yabu!

I used to have a SEVERE spider phobia. Crying, shaking, heart pounding fear, even pictures would frighten me. I've never killed spiders but would always need someone else to deal with them.

So I had exposure therapy because I didn't want to pass my fear to my children and it has worked so amazingly well. I can now trap even the biggest spiders in a glass and put them outside. I'm happy to let smaller ones go about their business in the house, especially when I can see they have caught flies and moths. I won't be letting spiders crawl on me or anything but my response to them is no longer extreme.

I highly recommend it!

I have a massive spider phobia. I don't kill them because I can't being myself to be that near them. Telling me about a cup or glass is bollocks because I would have to be nearer than an arms length away from them. I get other people to dispose of them for me (however they see fit)
I often get a little lesson on "just putting a cup over it" or trying to pick it up in a cloth" etc.
I know what to do, I just can't do it!!!

Nb I'm fine with the silly spindly ones.

I'm fully aware spiders aren't just in the countryside however our (inner city) house currently has very few invaders, I wouldn't want to risk moving somewhere where there's hundreds. It's logical to me anyway! Like I said, phobias aren't rational

@dudsville

Phobias are no one's business except the sufferer, and they should not incorporate others into it. The way you reacted is unreasonable.

I have a phobia (not of spiders, I just don't like them) and I can't help but incorporate DH into it as it affects him as well. Luckily he's more supportive than some!

Regarding the spider, I couldn't have killed it like that, I would have got DH to catch it and put it outside if it was a big one or left it if it was smaller. I know it's not ideal to put them outside but there is no way I'm sharing a bedroom (which is where they keep appearing) with one of the huge black house spiders!

Best of luck overcoming your phobia - DH worked really hard to overcome his before we had children as he didn’t want them to pick up his fear.

Spiders are the good guys - on our side in the battle with bugs. I love them.

@WTF475878237NC

We're not actually in the countryside but I get his point; we're not in a high rise London apartment either.

How have people with this fear learnt to overcome it?

It's not terribly helpful but I lived in India for a while. Once you've spent months waking up to dead cockroaches (and knowing that meant live ones must have been out and about overnight and hidden again!!!) the old British spider suddenly seemed much less of a worry.

Genuinely, I came back cured of my arachnophobia but with an everlasting hatred of roaches!!

Growing up in Australia has made me very relaxed about spiders in the UK! I know they won't harm me unless they look unfamiliar and have been seen crawling out of the bunch of bananas in the fruitbowl. 😉

Arachnophobia is a thing, though, and DH should be accommodating and supportive. Put him IC spider evacuation procedures so you can just close the cupboard door and call for help.

Can't vote as you should not have sprayed the spider but you definitely need to wash the bedding now. I don't understand why anyone even has those nasty sprays unless they live in Australia and genuinely need to spray outside buildings for redbacks.

You need one of these OP - keeps you far enough away from the spider to not be too scary, but also means no dead spiders 👍. Had mine years and LOVE it!

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/265365039494?chn=ps&trkparms=ispr%3D1&amdata=enc%3A1wVmIg4DRQryOD5BfpVzaRA23&norover=1&mkevt=1&mkrid=710-134428-41853-0&mkcid=2&itemid=265365039494&targetid=1394639519947&device=m&mktype=pla&googleloc=9046392&poi=&campaignid=14473715454&mkgroupid=130217221641&rlsatarget=pla-1394639519947&abcId=9300650&merchantid=6995734&gbraid=0AAAAADDLr1eHaPTtadznK-n5uMdvvyXc&gclid=CjwKCAjw2vOLBhBPEiwAjEeK9sqCjrvKs7Qj9LEAMnXYmiDfiPL5pHy-utEBQfzmzOaPMJTkquLuCBoCbZAQAvDDBwE

P.s sorry about the giant link

I’ve got this spider catcher it’s brilliant, there is never any need to kill a spider, poor thing.

The bedding definitely needs to be washed! I have severe arachnophobia and have tried CBT, hypnosis and a spider course at my local zoo to try and overcome it. None of it has worked sadly and my DH isn't scared of them so is chief spider catcher in our house. However if he's not home (and neither are my lovely neighbours who have helped remove spiders for me in the past ) then I would also kill one in a panic. I can't get close enough to one to put a glass over it or catch it with one of those spider catcher stick things, spraying it repeatedly from a distance is just about bearable as awful as it is. We don't get them often thankfully!

@AmberLynn1536

I’ve got this spider catcher it’s brilliant, there is never any need to kill a spider, poor thing.

The problem is that your proper arachnophobe knows that every self respecting spider would sidestep the trap part and hurtle down the stick to do whatever bit is spiders do to arachnophobes.

Same as the would for the hoover attachment. Slide round a piece of cardboard, stick to the glass, lie low under a bowl... just waiting, machinating.

That's what a phobia does to you. Irrational thinking by very definition!

I’m absolutely terrified of them and wouldn’t be able to kill it as I would be too scared to get that close! Fear is fear! I can’t even look at a picture of a spider, I booked a course but missed it 4 times because I get too worked up at the idea of there being a spider there!