To delay TTC by six months when I’m already in my 40s?

[Wetdayinoctober]

I’m 41, and we have a 11 month old. Hoping to try for another soon.

The complicating factors here are that I need to work until at least may to qualify for enhanced maternity package. So originally were thinking of TTC again in May / June.

However, logistically a baby born September / October would work so much better. It would mean I could take advantage of the summer holidays at work and DS would be nearly 3 which means he’d qualify for some free hours at nursery. However, it would mean I was pregnant at 42, having baby at 43.

On the one hand there doesn’t seem a massively dramatic difference in baby born March 23 and baby born September 23. And we had no trouble conceiving DS.

However I am worried about my age.

Wwyd?

I mean for instance my mum died at 45. I know I might die any time and I have a will and life insurance and a pension but just the same I don’t live my life assuming I’ll die prematurely. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I should assume I won’t conceive. Just don’t know, can’t know.

You cannot honestly believe those two situations are comparable?

Tell me, what is the probability of someone your age dying in their forties?

What is the probability of someone your age and older, not only conceiving but carrying a baby to term and giving birth?

Statistics are easily available.

You should assume that, more likely than not, you will fail to have a second baby. Because those are the facts.

@Wetdayinoctober it sounds like you’re pretty set on your decision to wait, which is fair enough, but I don’t understand asking the question and then getting annoyed at people making accurate points and sharing personal stories about the risk of infertility.

WHY did you ask when you've clearly made your mind up??

Is the only acceptable answer "you're 100% correct, OP?"

Once you are over 35 conceiving is more difficult, and then bringing a healthy baby to term.

So you should crack on and try and hope that it happens.

Unless you don't want a second child.

The changes of conceiving in the month or two that you want to are really small

I'm a bit younger than you and facing the same money versus fertility question. I'm going to TTC sooner because if it came down to a choice I know which I would rather regret. But it is definitely a personal choice for you two.

Eg friend in her thirties conceived on first attempt.

Took four years and a lot of heartache to have a second. Secondary infertility is a very very real thing

Increased miscarriage rate
Increase rate of having a baby with down syndrome.
Risks for your self.
The list is endless
Plus you might find yourself infertile in 6 more months

Not worth it.

Women younger than 30 have about a 20 percent chance of getting pregnant naturally each month. By age 40, the chance of pregnancy is about five percent each month

Why did you ask for opinions and advice when you have made up your mind?

You have good solid reasons to wait.

Lots and lots of people have given good solid reasons not to wait, but you aren't even engaging with those

As a person who has dealt with infertility, I'd advise to start trying now. It could take a while. In your 40s, ASAP is always the answer, IMO. Wishing you all the best.

At age 39, around 40% of your eggs might be expected to be genetically normal. At age 42, you’re looking at maybe 20%. By that logic, an average 42 year old might have one - maybe two - shots at a viable pregnancy in a year. And that’s assuming they’re managing to get sperm to reach egg at the opportune moment each month.

It doesn’t mean that having a child now is the right thing to do. But you’d be naive to think it’s going to be easy for you again - whether now or in a years time.

I think it really depends on how badly you want this second child? If you would be okay with the possibility of not having the second child, then wait. Or would you end up regretting putting ttc off in case it doesn't work out? Think about it.

Also just because you had no problems conceiving your first child, doesn't necessarily mean that the second will be conceived just as easily especially as an older mother.

Personally, if I was in your situation, I wouldn't take the risk of waiting just for some small financial benefits.

@Marvellousmadness

Increased miscarriage rate Increase rate of having a baby with down syndrome. Risks for your self. The list is endless Plus you might find yourself infertile in 6 more months

Not worth it.

This. All complication risks increase with age. I wouldn't wait.

As you asked for opinions OP ail give you mine although it's obvious you are wanting to wait so not sure why you've asked?!!!!

DONT DELAY - you could be trying months and it could happen at the perfect time and work out how you want it anyway. You could have a miscarriage. So many variables given your age, If a second child is important I wouldn't think twice.

It's worth what a few thousand by waiting and that's a massive IF you fall pregnant straight away which is highly unlikely. You are playing with fire I feel over money. Yes in a ideal world you should wait but given your age NO absolutely not.

Also it's not just your problem to sort the finances - if it's important to your husband he needs to contribute more financially to cover the cost of your maternity leave.

I’m another who conceived first month age 34 with my first. Second took 6 months age 37 but miscarried then another 3 to conceive again. The September baby I imagined didn’t arrive until the next July (and I wouldn’t swap him for any other). You can try and plan these things but life gets in the way. Personally I wouldn’t wait.

I get the impression this post might be more about the OP choosing to wait (for perfectly valid reasons), knowing that she might not have a second baby. OP has clearly made her mind up about waiting.

If you do read this, OP, then I think your decision needs to be an active choice regarding the amount of money/difficulty/strain you envisage with having another child earlier (potentially, as obviously there are no guarantees), versus having another at all. If you can’t deal with the pitfalls of having another child earlier, even if that means not having another ever, then it’s the right thing, for you, to wait. And that’s okay.

Definitely don’t wait. If necessary look into a loan or something to tide you over financially, or even do some overtime over the next few months- how much difference does the extra mat pay really make? You have a lifetime to earn the money back but a very limited time to conceive. As others have said it’s not just a question of conceiving or not- the difficulties you and the baby can face grow the older you get. Not trying to scare you but it really would be better to get on with it. If you don’t believe us, maybe ask your GP or other medical professional. And a note from personal experience- I conceived my first and second children within weeks mid thirties, but it took me nearly 2 years to conceive my last closer to 40.

Don’t wait!

Realistically, your body could use a little longer to recover & the odds are high that you'll have a wait (no matter what) to fall pg -- now or in 6m. I'd delay 6months if there are also financial reasons.

May is only 6 months away OP, so in theory you will have missed 6 windows of opportunity by then, and every month counts when you are over 40.

I have 2 DC under 6, both conceived in the first month of trying in my late 30's. There is exactly 12 months between them, and DC2 is autistic.

I was pregnant with DC3 earlier this year at age 40. There will be no DC3 for me as I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks, followed by D&C procedure under general anaesthetic to remove remnants. I subsequently split with my DP, and as I personally want to have all my DC with the same person, the DC shop is now closed to me. The whole experience has been traumatic, but I take comfort in the fact I still have my two wonderful DC. Until I had my own miscarriage, I had no idea how common they are, and how frequent they are for women over 40.

If I were you, I'd start TTC straight away, as there's absolutely no guarantee of anything, especially when it comes to having DC in your 40's. You'll make the financial side work, whether it's going part-time, taking some time out, or adjusting your life in some way, as needed.

Consider a fertility MOT. I bucked the trend, had fertility treatment at 39 for my first then conceived first go for my second at 41. What does your husband say?

What about considering the future in which any offspring will grow up into?

People on this thread are bravely sharing sharing their experience with infertility and you are extremely in denial and this entire thread is a bit of a car crash I can’t look away from if I’m honest. I literally don’t understand why you posted here when you have your mind made up and are going to rigidly suggest you are fertile and won’t have problems etc etc etc

Why ask?

My advice? Absolutely do not wait. It took 2.5 years to get pregnant with my second. You don't have the time to wait at 41 if you really want another.

Don’t wait. I say that as don’t one who had their second (and last) child 3 weeks before their 41st birthday.