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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends who want to go nightclubbing/bar hopping

57 replies

Dobermansdinner · 29/10/2021 17:35

I did the whole clubbing/bar hopping thing in my 20s and some of my 30s - I’m now so bored of the scene and feel like that ship sailed a long time ago.

I would rather meet for a coffee in Costa and/or go shopping; or have a cuppa/bottle of wine at the house and/or go out for a meal. In other words, I’m not interested in shouting over music to make myself heard and drinking my drink at the speed of light so we can move on to the next pub. Been there, done that.
I’m mid forties and just feel too old for it but also feel as though I’m boring at the same time, as some of my friends think the opposite to me. I inwardly groan when someone organises one of these nights out and invites me cause I feel bad if I keep declining. But at the same time I can’t really see the point as you’re not enjoying each other’s company as you can’t really hear each other!

Anyone else?

OP posts:
StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 29/10/2021 17:38

It's fine to enjoy those types of nights out and also fine not to enjoy them at all. Can't you just swerve those outings and suggest something more chilled once in a while?

Tiredmum100 · 29/10/2021 17:38

Completely agree. I would much rather go to a cafe, restaurant, pub or someones/my house where I can talk to my friends.

ComtesseDeSpair · 29/10/2021 17:39

I can’t think of anything worse than going shopping as a social activity, so it’s horses for courses, innit. As long as your friends are happy to mix up quiet and sedate activities with their clubbing and see their friends with different lifestyles in different contexts, all good. Otherwise, probably time to think about making different friends.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 29/10/2021 17:41

I don't get invited clubbing.

If l did l would decline.

Each to their own but l worked with someone who went to to same clubs as 20 somethings (also mid 40s) and l can't help but feel embarrassed for her. Lives should move forward, no?

DrManhattan · 29/10/2021 17:50

Clubbing? No ta
Didn't even like it when I was 18.

SisterAgatha · 29/10/2021 17:51

I love going out for a dance and to feel the music in my chest. Each to their own OP, maybe you’re just in a different stage to your friends. No one is BU, just different and that’s ok.

AmDillDandin · 29/10/2021 17:52

Horses for courses, there's no right way and no wrong way.

If it's not your bag, decline and maybe offer an alternative date.

x2boys · 29/10/2021 17:54

I go out with friends once every couple of months ,we usually have a meal and then go on to a couple of bars ,I'm 48 in a few weeks I wouldn't like to go to an actual club though I'm far to old for that .

Original poster
Dobermansdinner · 29/10/2021 17:54

@LadyTiredWinterBottom2

I don't get invited clubbing.

If l did l would decline.

Each to their own but l worked with someone who went to to same clubs as 20 somethings (also mid 40s) and l can't help but feel embarrassed for her. Lives should move forward, no?

My sentiments are along this line too ladytiredwinterbottom
OP posts:
RoxOff · 29/10/2021 17:55

Mid 40s and you wouldn't catch me clubbing these days. Sacked that off around mid-30s. It just doesn’t appeal.

Luckily my friends are the same, though. I can imagine it might be awkward if your friends are still into it.

Could you just swerve the clubbing nights and arrange other meet-ups for dinner or lunch out etc? I’m a recovering alcoholic, so I politely decline pub meet ups, but happily go to house parties, restaurants or coffee dates etc.

Jaxhog · 29/10/2021 17:56

You need some new friends!

Waxonwaxoff0 · 29/10/2021 17:57

@LadyTiredWinterBottom2

I don't get invited clubbing.

If l did l would decline.

Each to their own but l worked with someone who went to to same clubs as 20 somethings (also mid 40s) and l can't help but feel embarrassed for her. Lives should move forward, no?

Why though? Because society says so?

If someone in their 40s enjoys going clubbing, good for them I say.

It's fine if you don't want to go OP. We all enjoy different things.

IncessantNameChanger · 29/10/2021 17:57

I dont like it as much as I used to. I need to sit down for a start. My friend still does this but with her friends snogging randoms which is where I draw the line on it being hilarious. I remember being 17 and seeing 40 -50 plus hitting on the teens. Not sure I want to be part of that.

I also hate going to loos in clubs. It was much more tolerable when I was more pissed. I'm sure the fun was in proportion to my ability to tolerate my drink. Like my figure, it's all declined with age 🤣. Been there and done it. I dont feel like I have missed out

UltimateBugKilla · 29/10/2021 17:59

Im with you op, although I don't mind a mid day pub crawl, not with loud music and sweaty night clubs.

Kite22 · 29/10/2021 18:02

I agree with the first reply.
Each to their own.
I am not interested in going to a club, but then I do not think of going shopping as a socialising thing either.
Just say "No, not for me thanks, but I'd love to meet up in the next couple of weeks for a {insert coffee, or bottle of wine and a take away or a pub lunch or whatever you want to do} ... I'll send a couple of possible dates round if anyone wants to."

PresidentJoey · 29/10/2021 18:02

Ha OP, you remind of that episode of Friends with 'Gandalf' Grin

gannett · 29/10/2021 18:04

Some of the posters who apparently always hated clubbing even when they did it are probably the exact wet blankets who annoyed me by moping around the dancefloor when I was in clubs in my 20s. Never seemed to care about the music or the dancing, no idea why they were there at all.

Still go clubbing in my late 30s because there's nothing like hearing amazing music really, really loud with a crowd of like-minded people. Don't intend to stop.

Also enjoy civilised dinner parties, book groups, theatre outings, cosy cafes (never a chain like Costa though) and all sorts of grown-up socialising. Weird to think they're mutually exclusive.

Shopping as a leisure pursuit is something I unashamedly look down on though. Mindless consumerism and emptying my purse as enjoyment, no ta.

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 29/10/2021 18:04

I don't know why you'd feel embarrassed for a 40-something who still likes clubbing? Life is for living and if that's what someone enjoys that's what they should do. Fair enough, cringe if they're going in the hope of snogging a 21 year old, but if they're there because they want to dance and blow off steam, what harm!

x2boys · 29/10/2021 18:06

[quote PresidentJoey]Ha OP, you remind of that episode of Friends with 'Gandalf' Grin

[/quote] I was thi king that 🤣 but I'm with them ,tbh I need a seat when I'm out ,and I like to talk be able to talk to my friends. ,not have to guess half of what they are saying ,I'm too old for proper clubbing 😂
x2boys · 29/10/2021 18:07

@gannett

Some of the posters who apparently always hated clubbing even when they did it are probably the exact wet blankets who annoyed me by moping around the dancefloor when I was in clubs in my 20s. Never seemed to care about the music or the dancing, no idea why they were there at all.

Still go clubbing in my late 30s because there's nothing like hearing amazing music really, really loud with a crowd of like-minded people. Don't intend to stop.

Also enjoy civilised dinner parties, book groups, theatre outings, cosy cafes (never a chain like Costa though) and all sorts of grown-up socialising. Weird to think they're mutually exclusive.

Shopping as a leisure pursuit is something I unashamedly look down on though. Mindless consumerism and emptying my purse as enjoyment, no ta.

I used to love clubbing ,I don't mind going to bars etc ,now but I need a seat 🤣
ShinyMe · 29/10/2021 18:09

I think part of the good thing about being in your 40s is realising what you like and what you don't like, and having the confidence to be able to say that and live with it.

I don't want to go drinking and clubbing. I also don't want to go shopping with other people (I hate shopping, and only do it alone in targetted raids that are as short as possible) so I'd say no to both of those. I like a meal out, but not in large groups as too many people together is a bit overwhelming for me. I know what I like and am happy saying no to things I don't like, which makes me much happier than when I was say 20, and trying to go along with everyone else.

5128gap · 29/10/2021 18:11

@LadyTiredWinterBottom2

I don't get invited clubbing.

If l did l would decline.

Each to their own but l worked with someone who went to to same clubs as 20 somethings (also mid 40s) and l can't help but feel embarrassed for her. Lives should move forward, no?

I'm old and I go, as do my same age friends. There are people there from 20 to 60. No one is embarrassing or embarrassed. We go because we like to dance. Surprisingly we have somehow managed to combine this monthly age impropriety with moving our lives on! I get why people don't want to do it, but not why they sneer at those who do.
PresidentJoey · 29/10/2021 18:13

I'm being dragged out for a Halloween special tomorrow night 🤬 Yep, full on fancy dress. FML, I just want a quiet glass of wine with my girlz Haloween Sad

PresidentJoey · 29/10/2021 18:14

I do miss my clubbing days though Grin

5128gap · 29/10/2021 18:15

@PresidentJoey

I'm being dragged out for a Halloween special tomorrow night 🤬 Yep, full on fancy dress. FML, I just want a quiet glass of wine with my girlz Haloween Sad
Ooh what are you wearing?
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