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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘Oh look, there’s the cleaner!’

102 replies

Grinchisback · 29/10/2021 15:40

Dp announced after totally blanking me.

At the beach last night with toddler & dog, I was in the middle of talking with Dp when he stares off down the beach and then says ‘Oh it’s the cleaner from x house! (a house he did some work on and visits regularly) She walked past us and said hi to him then to me, no conversation or how are you’s. He then starts saying ‘Oh she’s really nice’ etc etc.
He’s mentioned her or ‘The cleaners’ at that particular job a few times and how hard they work etc. Am I being crazy to feel weird about it? You know when you know them and they just say/act a bit differently?
Fwiw, she’s mid 30’s, dark, attractive

OP posts:
supersop60 · 29/10/2021 16:44

I would say mentionitis, too.
The time to worry is when he stops talking about her...

Wilkolampshade · 29/10/2021 16:47

Well I hope its nothing OP, I really do. But DH had a spell of this once. After I raised it with him it stopped, but I will always wonder if that just made him smarter at covering it up.
It was, as others have said, an almost imperceptible change, but 100% real.

Original poster
Grinchisback · 29/10/2021 16:48

@Wilkolampshade What was he doing? Was it one person?

OP posts:
Original poster
Grinchisback · 29/10/2021 16:49

So mentionitis is a crush?

OP posts:
sillysmiles · 29/10/2021 16:56

Do you have a cleaner in your house? Does it want to hire a cleaner? Maybe he's thinking that if he keeps mentioning how good the cleaner in x house is, you'll think "you know I think we should hire a cleaner"

nitsandwormsdodger · 29/10/2021 16:56

I does not matter what she looks like, it only matters if he is a cheater

Original poster
Grinchisback · 29/10/2021 16:59

@nitsandwormsdodger Hmm, well yes, but it doesn’t help that she’s nice looking. I wouldn’t be as worried if she was a 70
year old grandmother for example

OP posts:
Original poster
Grinchisback · 29/10/2021 16:59

@sillysmiles 🤣We have a cleaner already and he doesn’t even notice/care about things like that

OP posts:
bluebeck · 29/10/2021 17:00

Yuck. Mentionitis - secret crush.

sillysmiles · 29/10/2021 17:03

[quote Grinchisback]@sillysmiles 🤣We have a cleaner already and he doesn’t even notice/care about things like that[/quote]
OK then, that is weird!

Grida · 29/10/2021 17:03

[quote Grinchisback]@Morgan12 How do you know?[/quote]
She’s the cleaner!

Jenasaurus · 29/10/2021 17:04

I get metionitis when I find someone attractive, but don't realise I am doing it, I am basically excitedly remembering every detail about them and sharing it, then someone makes a comment saying that I am doing it, but....I am single and would hope not to share with a partner if I had one.

5128gap · 29/10/2021 17:05

If she's attractive its likely he does fancy her as men do fancy attractive women. If he's talked to her a bit, and likes her as a person too, he may fancy her a lot. The only problem is if he does anything about it.

Ijustreallywantacat · 29/10/2021 17:06

It might be a little crush. Or not. Either make a little joke of it or forget about it. It's very unlikely anything will actually come of it and you'll drove yourself mad if you give it too much brainspace.

21stDentistryGirl · 29/10/2021 17:07

Yeah I get this. You have a sixth sense after so many years with someone as to the nuances of their communication. My husband never even remembers people he’s known for ages and it’s that deviation from norm that makes you wonder.

girlmom21 · 29/10/2021 17:15

Ffs you're reading WAY too much into this...

She didn't even recognise him so it's not like he shagged her. Don't worry.

hotmeatymilk · 29/10/2021 17:17

He may have mentionitis and a crush, but that can be perfectly innocent - crushes in long term relationships are normal and nothing to worry about. It’ll fade. If nothing else about his behaviour is tingling your Spidey senses just let it go.

Feedingthebirds1 · 29/10/2021 17:29

If it was the one-off at the beach I wouldn't think anything of it. But this He’s mentioned her or ‘The cleaners’ at that particular job a few times and how hard they work etc. does sound like it's tipping into mentionitis territory.

Mentionitis: 'In later use: a tendency towards repeatedly or habitually mentioning something, especially the name of a person one is attracted to or infatuated with, regardless of its relevance to the topic of conversation.'

Original poster
Grinchisback · 29/10/2021 17:39

@girlmom21 What?

She did recognise him and said hi.

I wasn’t talking about shagging.

OP posts:
Original poster
Grinchisback · 29/10/2021 17:40

@21stDentistryGirl That’s exactly it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Grinchisback · 29/10/2021 17:41

@5128gap And he says how nice she is, I mean, how much time do you spend talking with other workers in the house when on a job 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
UltimateBugKilla · 29/10/2021 17:47

How does he know her?

Original poster
Grinchisback · 29/10/2021 17:49

@UltimateBugKilla He’s a furniture designer and works for some beautiful villas, often has to visit the clients etc. He’s been doing lots of work on one particular house the last year and has mentioned the cleaners before. But, what a thing to mention 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
FindingMeno · 29/10/2021 17:52

I can't even imagine getting wound up over normal everyday interactions.
You say you do tend to be jealous, so put it down to that and try not to overthink it into something!

WonderfulYou · 29/10/2021 17:56

I don’t think this is mentionitis, he just spoke about her.

She’s irrelevant.
The biggest issue is why you hadn’t spoken all day?!