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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Kids having mates over when WFH

78 replies

sunshinelover69 · 27/10/2021 19:18

Don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not but husband has just told me he's said his son (14) can have a mate over tomorrow afternoon. We're both WFH, and I actually have a job interview as well. Do you let your kids have mates over in the hols when you're WFH? I kinda think he should have checked with me. I can't help thinking that two 14 yo boys are gonna struggle to keep the noise down.

OP posts:

MindyStClaire · 28/10/2021 09:07

We're both wfh. Everything outside the home office carries on as normal, so I would expect a 14 year old to be allowed have a friend over as it's not like they need much input from an adult at that age.

The interview does change things though, DH and I would happily clear out of the house so the other one had peace for an interview.

Goldenbear · 28/10/2021 09:17

I would as I do have a 14 year old and have had to WFH with his friend over. I've equally logged back in (something that couldn't wait) when my 10 year old had 2 friends back, they were doing dance routines, playing twister and pretty loud. That said, I didn't have an interview- can your DH deal with any loud noises?

Reviewer123456 · 28/10/2021 09:18

I went back to the office after the first lockdown as the summer holidays were approaching. Our house is our home, not a place of work and I think it is important for my children to have a home to relax in, have friends over and generally have fun in. I think you are being unreasonable. Just tell them the time you need quiet for the interview and advise they are not to go near the room.

asteroommatus · 28/10/2021 09:19

I work wfh

The house is not just your place of work. It's also the home of the family that live there.

I absolutely would nor wfh if it meant my teenagers couldn't do entirely normal things in their home.

I really hate the attitude of 'I pay the bills so I get my own way'. If you wfh, there are other people to consider.

And at 14 they can be told 'you must keep it down' they aren't 4.

Harpydragon · 28/10/2021 09:24

At 14 is eclectic then to be reasonable. Just ask them to be quiet or go out when to have your interview. You could also at the start of your interview advise that you have kids at home during half term and apologise if there's any unexpected noise. I had to do that earlier this year. To be fair most people are pretty understanding about these things in this day and age.

ejhhhhh · 28/10/2021 10:04

@MajorCarolDanvers no you're right, I work outside of the home, but my DH does work from home, so during the school holidays our home is both a home and a workplace. But my DH would not dream of restricting his children's activities during their school holiday because he was working. If the kids interrupt him he just apologises to his colleagues, moves on, and everything is fine. If he was finding it a problem he'd need to find somewhere else to work, but so far it hasn't been an issue. I did say in my initial post that an exception should be made for the interview, but for all other parts of the day, the OPs house is first and foremost a home, so the person using it as a workplace needs to be the one to make allowances. It doesn't matter who pays the bills, and children have less agency to change their situation, so the adults need to do it for them.

pinkyredrose · 28/10/2021 10:06

Why didn't your husband check with you, is he the boss of the house or something?

pinkyredrose · 28/10/2021 10:09

Could the 14yr old go to his mates house instead?

asteroommatus · 28/10/2021 10:10

@pinkyredrose

Why didn't your husband check with you, is he the boss of the house or something?

I wouldn't dream of asking my dp if my son could have a friend over at that age.

Why would op get to veto it? Is she the boss of the house?

Cattitudes · 28/10/2021 10:14

Just normal wfh I would get on with it. For the interview this afternoon I would get dh to give them some money and send them out somewhere.

Nocaloriesinchocolate · 28/10/2021 10:17

@steff13. Ooh, it sounds as though you do the job I used to do. Does the word “Bonner” mean anything to you?!

3scape · 28/10/2021 10:19

No. I wouldn't be taking responsibility for supervising someone else's child whilst my employer was paying for my time and attention

RB68 · 28/10/2021 10:24

Tricky with inerview - can yu send them out with a bit of spending money or cinema or something for the interview time?

Clymene · 28/10/2021 10:27

It's half term. Of course he should be able to have his friends over. Don't you have doors in your house?

bakingdemon · 28/10/2021 10:28

Depends what they're expecting to do - if it's gaming then you need to check if your wi fi can handle two adults WFH plus gaming. I have colleagues who had to ban their teenage kids from gaming during working hours at half term because it meant they couldn't do their video calls

Verite1 · 28/10/2021 10:40

I would and do, as it is a way for DS to be amused whilst I’m still working. However I wouldn’t if I had a particularly important meeting …or an interview!

WeeM · 28/10/2021 10:42

During a job interview absolutely no way!! I’d tell DH to leave house too for this

IntermittentParps · 28/10/2021 10:45

While I am not a fan of how Covid has got a lot of people 'living in the office' as I've heard it described, I do think it's basic courtesy and respect for your DH to discuss this with you beforehand.
In my household, I've WFH for years (freelance) but since Covid one or sometimes both of the other people are also either WFH or home during working hours. We always discuss arrangements that may impact us. It's just simple courtesy.

Tereo · 28/10/2021 10:51

Unless you're house is entirely open plan and you'll be working in the same room as them I think it's only fair your 14 yo can have a friend over during the holidays. If they make too much noise tell them to leave the house.
An odd noise in the next room of the kind that 14yos make over a TEAMs call isn't really going to be that disruptive is it? Just ignore it if possible

MajorCarolDanvers · 28/10/2021 11:35

@ejhhhhh

If the kids interrupt him he just apologises to his colleagues, moves on, and everything is fine

As do I and so do most people wfh. I enjoyed watching a colleagues cat doing somersaults during a meeting yesterday.

It was your rather strident insistence that children must always come first before anything else that puzzled me.

Although I now realise that you would relent in the case of an interview as sometimes the parents needs do actually come first.

pinkyredrose · 28/10/2021 14:17

I wouldn't dream of asking my dp if my son could have a friend over at that age.

Are your children resident and do you Wfh? It's courteous to check with other householders that anything that could impede on them is okayed . The OP has an interview, she needs quiet.

Original poster

sunshinelover69 · 28/10/2021 16:05

Well thankfully they turned up late which ended up being after my interview...good job really as they're not exactly keeping the noise down!

OP posts:

CantChatNow · 28/10/2021 16:07

Can they walk to the shop for snacks/go to the park and be under strict instructions to be out for an hour for your interview? Other than that I’d say fine, they’ll keep themselves amused.

Triffid1 · 28/10/2021 16:13

@sunshinelover69

Unfortunately noise cancelling headphones don't cancel noise heard at the other end of a teams call!

Sounds like it was sorted but I am with the majority that say that if it's his home, he should be allowed people over BUT that he is more than old enough to understand the need for courtesy when you are doing an interview.

Having said that, you can get headsets with noise cancelling earphones and directional microphone that do in fact block the noise going down your microphone. Not 100%, obviously, but pretty good. We had building work happening next door and while it drove me crazy, even with the noise cancelling headphones, the vast bulk of people I spoke with couldn't hear a thing. I have these ones which are relatively inexpensive but you can get more sophisticated ones too.

Original poster

sunshinelover69 · 28/10/2021 16:20

I use noise cancelling airpods...I wouldn't mind if they were sat quietly in one room doing something but they seem to be roaming backwards and forwards between room to room - I am shut in my office but it's very distracting! I suspect my husband is on a call otherwise he would be having a word.

OP posts:

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