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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think people's kids should be able to do stuff themselves?

99 replies

Keke94LND · 27/10/2021 09:08

So I work as a PA within a company that works for UHNWI (ultra high net worth individuals) my work is probably 80% business and 20% personal. I work for the owner of the company and we work for three UHNWI. One of them has her own assistant, and the other two don't have their own and use me on occasion, so I'm not actually their assistants. Anyway, one of them has two kids who are like 24 years old (I'm 27 so they aren't a lot younger than me) and I do their travel booking, their insurance claims etc etc. I am currently covering for another PA who's boss has a 17 year old, and they've asked me to do all this stuff for the kids travel etc etc. I'm obviously not going to moan about it at work because at the end of the day, it is my job.. but AIBU to think that rich kids should learn to do shit themselves!?

OP posts:

Bontanics · 27/10/2021 09:46

Rich adults could probably do it themselves but that's what they pay you for.

alicesfavouritepen · 27/10/2021 09:47

Yeah if I was rich enough I would definitely get someone else to do this tbh.

Original poster

Keke94LND · 27/10/2021 09:47

@Cranncat

I think that if this is annoying you, you might be in the wrong job, OP. Literally everything you do on the ‘personal’ side of things would normally be handled by a person themselves, but is delegated to someone else by the extremely rich.

(I mean, it would irritate the living shit out of me, too, but I know perfectly well I wouldn’t last an hour in your job.)

Doing it for the adults who pay me isn't the issue as that's literally my job, I understand that, it's more the doing it for the adults who don't pay me (the kids). Although you might be right about being in the wrong job haha I don't think it's for me really

OP posts:

blanketg · 27/10/2021 09:47

Isn't this normal for rich people though?

SarahBellam · 27/10/2021 09:48

Of course they can. So can their parents. They choose to pay you to do that instead.

Original poster

Keke94LND · 27/10/2021 09:48

@BeastOfBODMAS

I am a PA in a slightly related field I think, and our UHNW individuals are the ones who, embarrassingly, don’t pay our invoices because I guess they don’t know what to do with them. I’ve had to carefully school owners/directors of multimillion £ companies in the mysteries of “forwarding to the accounts dept with a written authorisation to pay”

Hahahaha I feel you

OP posts:

userg5647 · 27/10/2021 09:49

@Keke94LND but if the paying people want you to do it for the kids then you are doing it for them ultimately?

Rosesareyellow · 27/10/2021 09:51

I hate admin. If I could afford to I’d get someone to do it for me.

Daisy829 · 27/10/2021 09:53

I agree with others who said that they probably are capable but if someone else can do it then why not.
If I was getting paid by someone & they asked me to sort this for their children within my working day I don’t think I could get worked up about it to be honest.

blanketg · 27/10/2021 09:54

One of my neighbours sold her property to a pair of siblings. Not UHNW but a 1.2m property, the siblings were adults (mid 20s). Any contact neighbour had was with the parents. The mum supervised all the unpacking, furniture delivery, alarm installation etc. They seem nice but incredibly sheltered.

Original poster

Keke94LND · 27/10/2021 09:56

[quote userg5647]@Keke94LND but if the paying people want you to do it for the kids then you are doing it for them ultimately?[/quote]
But if my mum paid for a cleaner to clean her house, and then said to the cleaner, go and clean my daughters house, the cleaner would be within their rights to say no, just because someone's paying you doesn't mean you have to do everything they say? (Obviously I do do this stuff for their kids because they ask me too and I don't feel I can say no but that doesn't mean I don't think they should do it themselves.. my boss pays me and even she sometimes rolls her eyes at their requests and has on occasion told me not to do it and that she will speak with them) I don't have a problem with rich people paying people to do things ofcourse, but in my experience sometimes rich peoples families think that because their parents/husbands/wives pay you for things, that you should do it for them too at no extra pay

OP posts:

Original poster

Keke94LND · 27/10/2021 09:57

@Daisy829

I agree with others who said that they probably are capable but if someone else can do it then why not. If I was getting paid by someone & they asked me to sort this for their children within my working day I don’t think I could get worked up about it to be honest.

Even if their children were adults though? I think small children is a bit different to adult children

OP posts:

ThePoisonousMushroom · 27/10/2021 09:58

To be fair I’m late 30’s and my dad does a lot of my admin! I have 3 young kids and a full time job, he’s retired and at a loose end sometimes. He’ll arrange things like my boiler service and be at my house to let them in when they come, or source people to do any maintenance work we need. It’s brilliant!

ThePoisonousMushroom · 27/10/2021 09:59

Even if their children were adults though? I think small children is a bit different to adult children

Their age is irrelevant really.
If it means you are having to stay late/work longer than your contracted hours then I’d probably mention it. If it falls within your normal working day then it doesn’t really matter who it’s for.

Original poster

Keke94LND · 27/10/2021 10:03

@ThePoisonousMushroom

Even if their children were adults though? I think small children is a bit different to adult children

The families don't pay me though, I work for a business, not families, if I was a nanny or a housekeeper then fair enough, I guess maybe what I should of said in my original post is 'should be able to do it themselves or pay for someone to do it for them'

OP posts:

userg5647 · 27/10/2021 10:04

But if my mum paid for a cleaner to clean her house, and then said to the cleaner, go and clean my daughters house, the cleaner would be within their rights to say no, just because someone's paying you doesn't mean you have to do everything they say?

I'm assuming you are salaried and work a set amount of hours? If I paid my cleaner and asked her to clean my mum's, and she had space, yes of course she would (if I asked nicely of course, she could say no). Being salaried is slightly different of course, if it's infringing on your workload and you're struggling to fit it all in then absolutely I'd say something, but if it can all be reasonably be done within your hours and is a similar level of work to what you usually do, then I don't see the issue. I'm assuming this is private sector, if it's public sector I would be saying something entirely different.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 27/10/2021 10:05

YANBU but it seems to be a generational thing rather than a rich person's kids thing. A lot of young people in their 20s seem to be rather useless at day to day stuff because their parents have done everything for them and not allowed them to grow up.

Fizbosshoes · 27/10/2021 10:05

I live in an area where almost everyone works in law or finance and had a seemingly high disposable income (compared to me, probably quite average for MN)
There are a long list of services people pay for (some of which before I moved here, I didn't know were a thing) many of which they probably could do, but prefer to outsource and spend time on other stuff.
Cleaning
Ironing
Gardening
Oven cleaning
Pushchair cleaning
Mobile car valeting
Dog spa (i don't know what this entails and whether there would be a diy version)
Dog walking
Flat pack furniture assembly
Meal planning
Decluttering
Home/cupboard organising
Sewing school/cub badges
Wrapping Christmas presents etc

So I can well imagine that the type of people you work for would outsource all that and other boring stuff.

idontlikealdi · 27/10/2021 10:06

Depends on the capacity they are emptying you. It's utter my normal for UHNWI families to have personal PAs although it sounds like the lines have become blurred. Do you have capacity to do it?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/10/2021 10:07

It's the money. I used to know a guy with immensely wealthy parents, and at 24 he did nothing for himself. Never bought a pint of milk, never lifted a cup from the table to the sink, let alone dishwasher.

We used to joke with him that he was functionally disabled and basically needed a carer to survive. In reality he was very intelligent and held down a very well paid job (city) and he was just perfectly comfortable with paid staff doing everything for him.

Daisy829 · 27/10/2021 10:09

I honestly think you’re overthinking this. I can understand you are frustrated….I’ve lived independently since my early teens and I don’t ever remember being taught things I just got on with them but I wouldn’t have the energy to make this my concern. It’s up the parents to parent their children.

ColinTheKoala · 27/10/2021 10:10

@BananaPB

Same reason why able bodied people employ cleaners for their home. They could and know how to do it but would rather someone else did it because they'd rather do other stuff with their time.

This. Why is it ok for 40 year old women to outsource their cleaning but not 25 year olds to outsource their admin?

I have told my son he needs to learn to do his own admin or earn enough to employ someone to do it for him!

However, I do think that EAs should be doing work work, not personal work, for their bosses. I thought we'd moved on from the female secretary doing her boss's dry cleaning (or kids' admin in this case).

fedup2017 · 27/10/2021 10:10

Feel like im missing a trick here.

Have a PA but they are kept more than busy with my "work" admin...... i feel guilty when i rarely get them to do MY "life" admin. My 17 year sorts out his own life admin..... if he doesnt then he doesnt do stuff.

Im not fantastically rich though, despite having a PA ( i need one to be able to do the work i do )and also i was bought up in a working class environment so baulk at "outsourcing" household etuff.

itsgettingwierd · 27/10/2021 10:11

@ThePoisonousMushroom

My dad absolutely would do these things for me too 🤣🤣

He has on occasion. He's retired, I work FT and ds is disabled and I'm a LP.

More so the being there to let in maintenance people - I organise it.

But whenever I say something like "I need to fix my light" he'll always say he'll come and do it (bless him,)

I did take advantage and get him to re roof my shed last summer

I guess the question keke is is this stuff taking you over your employed hours? If it is I'd ask politely by email if you should prioritise that over X? But yes I think if people can afford to outsource some jobs they do even if they could actually do them themself.

Original poster

Keke94LND · 27/10/2021 10:12

@idontlikealdi

Depends on the capacity they are emptying you. It's utter my normal for UHNWI families to have personal PAs although it sounds like the lines have become blurred. Do you have capacity to do it?

I think I possibly didn't explain things that well in my original post but I work for a company, I am the PA to the MD, the MD has Uhnw clients that she works for, and because she works for them, I sometimes do work for them which is fine and doesn't take up a lot of time, but I don't actually work for these families or even the rich individuals. I guess my problem is with people thinking that someone else's assistant can be used as there's, which happens a lot. My mum for example hires a lady to do her accounts for her, if I called this lady up and said please do my accounts too, she could say yes but you will be a new client and we will get a contract written up and you will pay me, but if I said no I'm not paying you because you work for my mum, I'd imagine she'd tell me to piss off. But yeah, obviously I don't tell them to piss of haha but in my head sometimes I do

OP posts:

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