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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have ended this because I thought he was cheating?

82 replies

Shortnstresssed · 26/10/2021 22:17

I got together with my boyfriend in July this year. It’s not been the easiest relationship and we’ve had a lot of bumps along the road.

About a month or so ago he became quite distant with me for no reason. I asked when we should do something next and he said he’d let me know... but he didn’t. We didn’t actually speak for 2 weeks.

After those two weeks we started talking again and he invited me around to his after a night out. When I got there I noticed his room was fairly messy. His bed is right up against his window sill and I noticed that there was a condom packet that was empty. At the time, we weren’t using condoms. Also I hadn’t been there for over a month... it felt weird.

He said that he used it for a “posh wank” which I don’t really believe. He said it wasn’t his job to convince me.

After that I just seemed to have zero trust for him. Reasons include

  1. Talking about getting STI checks even when we were exclusive and had got one at the beginning of the relationship. When I asked him why he said “why can’t I check myself and keep myself healthy?” It just seemed odd that he decided to get that after 3 months of just sleeping with me?
  1. Wouldn’t follow me on social media until we had a massive argument. It took him 4 months to do it. When I did it was just full of local girls and he liked all their pictures
  1. Going MIA on nights out and not contacting me from like 7pm some nights for no reason
  1. Always being busy with travelling to various family members for days on end
  1. We had an argument because a girl texted him. Not a friend. Someone he just met. He said “I don’t want you to think anything of a few people texting me”

I’m really sad because that condom thing triggered something in me which didn’t believe a word he said. He kept saying he had fallen for me etc... but it always played on my mind. Also he would say things like “I’ve sabotaged our relationship and it wasn’t worth it”

I broke things off a few days ago but I can’t help but think I’m overreacting. We spoke about the break up and he was horrible. He let me talk about all my insecurities and just said I’m half wanting you and half wanting to just leave it. He also said it wasn’t his fault he got attention from girls... “people assume because I’m so good looking girls throw themselves at me”.

AIBU to assume he was cheating? Is there another explanation for it all. He said I was needy and insecure

OP posts:
DrGoogleSaysSo · 26/10/2021 23:48

Follow your instincts. You know he's a cheater.

Juniper68 · 26/10/2021 23:48
Shock Good lord!!
DeireadhFomhair · 26/10/2021 23:52

I've read more posh wanks this week, thank ever before. You know what to do.

Owlink · 27/10/2021 00:01

Ugh. What a vile bloke. You were right, he was cheating. Block his number now and don't give him another thought. You're worth so much more than this arrogant, lying shit.

GaolBhoAlba · 27/10/2021 00:15

Kick him to the curb, and thank your lucky stars tonight that you're free of him!

Catflapkitkat · 27/10/2021 03:07

100% cheater. But also shady, unreliable and conceited.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/10/2021 03:30

It’s not been the easiest relationship and we’ve had a lot of bumps along the road.

And you've only been together for five fucking minutes. I literally stopped reading at that point. It's not supposed to be this hard.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 27/10/2021 03:45

I got together with my boyfriend in July this year. It’s not been the easiest relationship
Block his cheating arse. Your boundaries are really poor. You really need to work on that before dating again.

QforCucumber · 27/10/2021 03:49

5 months and you've had bumps along the road already. From your op you've had more 'bumps' than my 10 year long relationship in total!

Why are you doubting yourself? You are better than this

Snoozer11 · 27/10/2021 03:54

Honestly it doesn't matter if he's cheating or not.

This isn't the way you should feel when you're with someone. Just walk away.

If his room was messy I might have believed the condom wrapper had been there a while. But the "posh wank" sounds like bullshit.

If he was into you he'd have followed you on social media straight away.

Jubaju · 27/10/2021 04:18

Sounds like you’re the sidechick.

But Run. He’s a dick.

pinknellie · 27/10/2021 04:25

Does his name begin with a P, by any chance?! Shock

Marvellousmadness · 27/10/2021 04:35

Block. Delete
And forget this asshole :)

GiltEdges · 27/10/2021 04:37

@Shortnstresssed

I don’t know why I let my friends convince me I was overreacting. He made out he really liked me and I just kept changing my mind even though my gut was screaming at me
Get rid. Of the boyfriend and those friends.
Armychefbethebest · 27/10/2021 04:46

Fuck that the early stages should be bliss op , cheating without a doubt , can't help being too good looking so girls fancy him ? Really ???? that Stinks to high heaven of arrogance and a player.ditch him before the girls knickers accidentally fall off again get an sti check and raise your bar , you can do so much better xx

todaysdilemma · 27/10/2021 05:10

Ugh he's such a loser. Please have higher standards for men you date, and expect better. You should have dumped him when he went no contact for 2 weeks.

I'd stop taking any advice from your friends and make some new ones who actually have a healthy dose of self esteem.

asteroommatus · 27/10/2021 05:15

Nah this is too much drama and dodgy behaviour for such a young relationship.

You were absolutely right to end this.

lemmein · 27/10/2021 05:35

Honestly OP, the thing that screams out at me in your post is you weren't using any protection with him. I know you said you both did STI checks at the beginning, and I assume you're protecting yourself from pregnancy - but it's far too soon to trust someone with your health, it's only been a few months, you hardly know him. Please please please protect yourself.

And you were completely right to dump the (posh Hmm) wanker - don't doubt yourself, sounds like you've saved yourself years of stress!

Offmyfence · 27/10/2021 05:45

He's a wanker alright, not sure about a posh one!

Get rid.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 27/10/2021 05:49

Shouldnt be that much drama in a relationship so you should run. And btw your friends sound rubbish too.

RAOK · 27/10/2021 05:54

He sounds awful! I’m glad you got rid.

Youcancallmeval · 27/10/2021 05:56

Going against the above grain: I'm not sure why he's a dick as everyone states - you aren't in a relationship, you've been together 12 weeks and not spoken for part of that. You nagged him to follow you on SM Confused then complained when he did and you didn't like his whatever it was. He sounds like he will continue shagging you if you keep on going back for more, but if this situation is messing with your head, stop doing it.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 27/10/2021 05:59

You've been together less than 6 months. A relationship should not be full of ups and downs and arguments and accusations of cheating 6 months in!! Well it should never be like that but it's totally mad to keep forcing something that is so clearly doomed from the start.

bembridge11 · 27/10/2021 06:02

He is sleeping around. Please dump him and get back out there on the dating scene! You deserve better

User527294627 · 27/10/2021 06:06

Yep, definitely cheating, and trying to gaslight you along with it.

Well done for not falling for it!

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