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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to feel so hopeless and sad about the cruelty to children in this world?

67 replies

Shimmylikejoanholloway · 26/10/2021 21:20

I probably sound melodramatic but recent news - poor, poor little Star Hobson, Arthur Ljanbo-Hughes and the little girl in Afghanistan has just broken me. And those are just a few.
It seems to be getting worse? Everywhere I look there seems to be horrific stories of abuse and human suffering and I feel so helpless, disturbed and heartbroken by it.
I genuinely look at my toddler and wonder what on earth I've brought him into.

I know this kind of thing has always happened (disgustingly) and now we have more access to news/social etc so we hear so many more details than we would have done, but it feels really awful at the moment.

And I know I shouldn't read it if it upsets me but these poor children lived through it, I feel like we should read it and know what they suffered so lessons can be learned. I doubt they will though, and that's the saddest thing. I wish there was more I could do than just cry for these little ones when you hear about it in the news.

Sorry for the rant but it's really getting to me lately.

OP posts:

Draggondragon · 26/10/2021 21:45

I don't think it's melodramatic, Star especially affected me.. The fact it was one of our neighbours, a seemingly normal little family makes me sick. MN drives me crackers with its endless crap medical advice (never go to A and E, just call 111 for your dying relative) but child protection is spot on. The number of people who have reported something to the police or NSPCC who otherwise wouldn't jabe known to must have saved a lot of suffering over the years. So take some comfort from being part of a community who DO make a difference.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 26/10/2021 21:46

It really got me to me when my kids were small
Daniel Pelka story nearly broke me
It’s part and parcel of being a parent
Now I’m older and they are older it doesn’t upset me the same way x

3WildOnes · 26/10/2021 21:51

Reading about little Star this evening was so difficult and sad. I think because I have a little girl a similar age i have felt it deeper than other cases. Heartbreaking.

hollyivysaurus · 26/10/2021 21:56

YANBU, I find it really upsetting, probably more so now I have kids. There was a really dreadful case last year where a woman had left her less than two year old alone for a week or so while she went partying, and the child died of flu. Just horrid thinking about what the child went through, it really played on my mind.

Abouttimemum · 26/10/2021 22:01

I’ve just been reading about Star, weeping. Absolutely horrific. How the fuck can someone do that to a poor tiny helpless baby? I despair for humanity sometimes.

authenticforgery · 26/10/2021 22:05

Star Hobsons story made me cry and I don't usually get like that over news stories. She is the spitting image of my baby and I think that might have made it worse. I will never understand how you can direct a sustained campaign of abuse towards a defenceless toddler.
I wish I hadn't read the articles tbh

Meandmini3 · 26/10/2021 22:05

I struggled to sleep last night after the BBC report about the baby girl sold in Afghanistan for $500 and will be taken away by ‘the man’ when she can walk.

AbsentmindedWoman · 26/10/2021 22:06

I find it horrific.

As a woman who cannot have a safe pregnancy, it's a sick fucking joke that these people reproduce only to abuse their kids instead of loving and protecting them.

These news stories really upset me but at the same time I feel compelled to read - we can't do anything about these tragedies, but we can acknowledge and remember these kids instead of letting them be totally forgotten.

Blueberry231 · 26/10/2021 22:06

I know we should read it but I just can't.
A little boy near us drowned and honestly I had to just block it out. If I don't my anxiety ruins me. I can't bear the thought of it 😢

AbsentmindedWoman · 26/10/2021 22:10

It’s part and parcel of being a parent

I'm not a parent. I think it's part and parcel of being a human being tbh, not just something that affects parents.

I find it impossible to wrap my head around the fact that I cannot have a much wanted child to cherish, because of a random stroke of luck that means my body can't do that - while these other people easily become parents and wind up murdering their children.

Rubyupbeat · 26/10/2021 22:14

I really believe these child killers should be sterilized and the male version also have a tattoo on his body , obvious to any woman with a child .
Obviously, along with a life meaning life sentence, but that will never happen, it seems the younger the child/baby, the less its life is worth.

DancyNancy · 26/10/2021 22:21

For 2 women to do that to a baby. You are not alone in your despair.

.
There have been so many sad cases of abuse recently. Were these always happening and I just didn't know? Heartbreaking

I can't fathom the desperation needed to sell your daughter. How can this be happening in 2021

EezyOozy · 26/10/2021 22:34

They sold the baby girl to feed the sons, apparently.

Chartreuse45 · 26/10/2021 22:35

I agree, you don't have to be a parent to be totally repulsed by these deaths. I especially can hardly bear the ones where the children were being cared for by grandparents or other relations and were taken back by the parent. Often when the parent is in a new relationship. Statistically a child is more in danger of abuse when in the care of a step-parent, not to ignore thst the parents are willing participants and enablers. In my opinion the parent takes back the child because they think it makes them look bad for their child to be raised by someone else or their new partner thinks it'd be cute/adorable to have a ready made family. Then reality hits . . . I agree with a pp - these people should not be allowed to ever have children and never, ever be step-parents. The mother who pushed her car seat back on her child in the footwell causing his heart to basically explode under pressure is out and about. It just doesn't make sense to me.

EezyOozy · 26/10/2021 22:39

Statistically a child is more in danger of abuse when in the care of a step-parent, not to ignore thst the parents are willing participants and enablers

This does seem to be a common theme in the horrific cases that keep appearing. So sad.

KittyWindbag · 26/10/2021 22:41

You are not unreasonable. I feel so silly but I just had to stop listening to an audiobook I was really enjoying because it’s got a subplot about a young girl being treated really badly by her parents, not even anything like the scale of what’s in the news. I’m not a wimp, I’ll go back to it, but I have periods where I get so overwhelmed with the cruelty. Where I live there’s been an awful case of abuse in the news and along with the news I follow in the uk it’s soul destroying. I do think becoming a mother myself has peeled off a layer of my resilience to such things.

somewhereoverthechipshop · 27/10/2021 04:33

I too am getting totally overwhelmed by the amount of child death stories in the news the last few months. I keep praying for the children even though i’m not religious. It just makes me feel like I have to do something and think about the poor things. As I say, not religious but dearly wish there was a hell for the people that do this. Otherwise I wish they could be put to sleep like we would do with a dangerous dog.

Werehamster · 27/10/2021 04:56

It is awful. Does anyone else remember Brianna Lopez? They say she didn't spend a day of her short life that wasn't in pain. But I don't understand why no one reported what was going on. Why no one tried to help her. It's just heartbreaking.

Bumblenums1234 · 27/10/2021 05:00

The Star Hobson case has really effected me, I'm not sure what it is about this specific case but I can't stop thinking about it. How could anyone do that to a poor defenseless little girl.

The fact she would actually stay in the corner speaks volumes to me. She was 16 months old! She must have been so conditioned and afraid to follow that sort of instruction at that tiny age. If I put my 18 month son in a corner, he would laugh at me and run on to his toys. I have been cuddling him extra tight since I read that story.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 27/10/2021 06:37

AbsentmindedWoman
I think the fact you are trying (wanting ) to be a parent puts you in that category anyway , sorry if my wording was clumsy

Bunnycat101 · 27/10/2021 06:49

There has been an awful lot in the news and it is very upsetting. I just can’t understand how people can be so cruel on a sustained basis. I could get my head around someone having a breakdown and snapping but I just can’t comprehend the cold nature of abuse some of those children suffered and also the fact they could have been saved.

bluewanda · 27/10/2021 07:29

You’re not alone OP. I lay awake into the early hours last night thinking about Star and desperately wishing she could have been saved. Like others I have a daughter the same age and I just cannot comprehend how anyone could be so cruel. It’s horrendous

Darbs76 · 27/10/2021 07:32

It’s heartbreaking. Reading about poor Star and the fact they filmed her climbing up the stairs with a broken shin broke me. Poor Arthur, a friend described him as desperately needing a drink and clearly being abused, why didn’t they report it? People need to report any signs of abuse, whether they believe it or not

PickUpAPepper · 27/10/2021 07:51

The issue, I gather, isn't that abuse isn't reported. It's that it's not acted upon. In Star's case the BBC says social workers were 'kept away' from here - how?? We all get checked and watched so much now, yet these horror events still happen. Signals getting lost in the noise?

zaffa · 27/10/2021 08:01

@Bumblenums1234

The Star Hobson case has really effected me, I'm not sure what it is about this specific case but I can't stop thinking about it. How could anyone do that to a poor defenseless little girl.

I agree with this, that really upset me. DD is almost two and she wouldn't stand in a corner and stare at it - she would think we were playing a game or if she was upset she would come crying to me for a cuddle. How terrified must that baby have been to follow through those instructions, to understand the consequences of not doing so. These cases have filled me with such sadness - it feels like there is so much sadness and hardship out there now with families living in poverty and children's services cut back so much that it's impossible to keep children safe anymore. Everything feels very bleak lately.

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