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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel so hopeless and sad about the cruelty to children in this world?

67 replies

Shimmylikejoanholloway · 26/10/2021 21:20

I probably sound melodramatic but recent news - poor, poor little Star Hobson, Arthur Ljanbo-Hughes and the little girl in Afghanistan has just broken me. And those are just a few.
It seems to be getting worse? Everywhere I look there seems to be horrific stories of abuse and human suffering and I feel so helpless, disturbed and heartbroken by it.
I genuinely look at my toddler and wonder what on earth I've brought him into.

I know this kind of thing has always happened (disgustingly) and now we have more access to news/social etc so we hear so many more details than we would have done, but it feels really awful at the moment.

And I know I shouldn't read it if it upsets me but these poor children lived through it, I feel like we should read it and know what they suffered so lessons can be learned. I doubt they will though, and that's the saddest thing. I wish there was more I could do than just cry for these little ones when you hear about it in the news.

Sorry for the rant but it's really getting to me lately.

OP posts:
zaffa · 30/10/2021 20:50

[quote Justheretoaskaquestion91]@zaffa

Wow, what a harrowing read that article was. Poor, poor little girl.[/quote]
It was awful. DD has been poorly this past week, lots of fever and coughing. She's sleeping in my bed and clings to me if I try to get up the night at all. The thought of a child like her suffering all alone clutching her shoes and peeling wallpaper off while she slowly dies breaks my heart. I wish I could undo the awful things that happened to that little girl - I thought the case of Star Hobson would haunt me most but I think hers does much much more.
I'm not religious really, but I'm starting to wonder if that's why people turn to religion - to believe there is something better for those that have suffered so terribly. I'd like very much to believe there is

blairresignationjam · 30/10/2021 21:41

I cannot bring myself to read of any more innocent and helpless children being tortured. The picture that was circulated of baby P still haunts me.
I think as compassionate, normally adjusted people ourselves, we make the mistake of assuming these people were once basically normal, but just somehow able to bring themselves to do horrible things.
But I don't think they are. They are abnormal. They are mentally ill. They are sadists and psychopaths. I tell myself that an MRI of their brain and mine would not be the same. The cruelty and violence is not registering the disgust that my brain is. Instead it's registering pleasure.

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 30/10/2021 22:04

YANBU, I cannot fathom how these people ever leave prison. Honestly, they should swing. And I know a civilised society doesn’t kill it’s own citizens. But to abuse a child to death is not civilised behaviour. what the bloody hell are social services doing? Baby P, Victoria Cilimbe… it’s been going on for years. I thought the Children’s Act was supposed to stop this…,

Itsnotover · 31/10/2021 01:49

@blairresignationjam

I cannot bring myself to read of any more innocent and helpless children being tortured. The picture that was circulated of baby P still haunts me. I think as compassionate, normally adjusted people ourselves, we make the mistake of assuming these people were once basically normal, but just somehow able to bring themselves to do horrible things. But I don't think they are. They are abnormal. They are mentally ill. They are sadists and psychopaths. I tell myself that an MRI of their brain and mine would not be the same. The cruelty and violence is not registering the disgust that my brain is. Instead it's registering pleasure.

I agree. Nobody with properly functioning empathy can do these things. Nobody.

Lucycantdance · 31/10/2021 01:55

YANBU, when my DCs were tiny I had two week long breakdowns after reading two horrific stories. Arthur’s case has really affected me, his dad cut up his favourite football top in front of him. It’s little details like that that get me. I haven’t been able to read about Star.

Itsnotover · 31/10/2021 07:25

Oh that's so upsetting re: Arthur. What a spiteful, nasty piece of work his dad is.

IsleofRum · 31/10/2021 07:42

In western liberal democracies there is a tendancy, no a rule to keep the children with the mother or parents as much as possible and to avoid taking the child away. The blind adherence to this causes a lot of the abuse and deaths we read about.

In other countries not as developed as the west they are at the whim of individuals and institutional perverted distortions of religious and tribal rules.

Itsnotover · 31/10/2021 09:22

I would agree that sometimes there is a focus on keeping a child with the biological parents even when there is clear evidence that that parent is cruel.

Sociopaths can love nobody, even their own children.

Itsnotover · 31/10/2021 09:22

In other countries not as developed as the west they are at the whim of individuals and institutional perverted distortions of religious and tribal rules.

What does this mean?

Bbq1 · 31/10/2021 09:27

@Meandmini3

I struggled to sleep last night after the BBC report about the baby girl sold in Afghanistan for $500 and will be taken away by ‘the man’ when she can walk.
I saw that last week and it has played on my mind ever since. It is so shocking. They are going to give a walking, talking toddler away who has developed a strong family bond. My blood ran cold when it said 'when she can walk, the man will come and take her away'. It's horrifying and so, so sinister. Heartbreaking.
changingstages · 31/10/2021 09:34

@NeverDropYourMooncup

The reason why they're being reported on is that it gets the papers clickthroughs and increased advertising revenue. It's a particularly unpleasant equivalent of Meghan Markle stories, miracle diets and salacious murders - the last of which have been making newspaper owners obscenely rich for a good couple of centuries.

The actual level of abuse is likely to be less than it ever has been in history. It would be great if the level were zero, but when there are humans involved, that's never going to happen - there will always be people with mental illnesses, people with personality disorders, people who are irrevocably damaged by their own childhoods, drug abuse or are just plain wicked. And weaker people will always suffer at their hands. It's not right, but it is, for want of a better word, Normal for humans.

Now yes, salacious stories also have the advantage of getting laws put in place in order to keep particular politicians in power, so there are more laws as a result of publishing those accounts of how much defenceless children have suffered and how nobody helped them or somebody tried but wasn't listened to - but you're being upset by it because the news organisations know it makes them money, so you hear of more than you would have done.

Some people act on this by being more vigilant in their daily lives and reporting things they feel are wrong, some find meaning in religion, some almost completely reject the human race can't say I blame them. But it isn't worse than ever. It really, really isn't; 1.5 million innocent children were murdered in just four years in Europe in the period from 1941-45 for the crime of existing - Jewish, Roma, Polish, Catholic, Disabled. 1,500,000 innocent babies, toddlers, infants, juniors, pre teens and teenagers. Nothing now can be as awful as that.

It's not getting worse. It's awful and everything possible should be done to try and protect the children. but it isn't getting worse.

This is an excellent post. It's not getting worse - salacious reporting is, however (and I say that as someone who works in the media, though not in this sphere).
Itsnotover · 31/10/2021 10:16

How is it 'salacious' ?

I think that's a pretty offensive thing to say actually. In the cases of the children discussed, the media has only reported on what has been revealed in court. Because the trials are ongoing...

runningpram · 31/10/2021 10:38

There are no words for this...
We've been trying for DC2 for a long time and I've ended up on loads of fertility FB groups and forums. There are couples going through years of heartbreak, spending tens of thousands - sometimes the best part of a £100k - to even have a chance of their first child.
We're so fortunate to have DC1 but our struggle has given us an inkling of the pain so many couples go through on their journey to become parents.
I find it so difficult to comprehend how some people can conceive so easily and then be so cruel towards the children another couple would cherish with all their heart

changingstages · 31/10/2021 17:50

@Itsnotover

How is it 'salacious' ?

I think that's a pretty offensive thing to say actually. In the cases of the children discussed, the media has only reported on what has been revealed in court. Because the trials are ongoing...

Salacious isn't quite the right word, you're right. Sensationalised would be more appropriate. There's a great deal of clickbait reporting around this kind of story and it generates a huge amount of ad revenue for the media outlets who use that kind of approach. So if you're using those websites it seems like there's a huge number of these cases, but there really aren't (thank goodness).

To be absolutely clear - of course I find these cases abhorrent, upsetting and disgusting. But they're very unusual and if posters are finding them too upsetting and it is having an impact on their daily life, then keeping away from that kind of reporting is probably sensible.

Itsnotover · 31/10/2021 20:54

Of course they are unusual but I think people should acknowledge the suffering of these children in much the same way that you should acknowledge anyone's suffering.

I will say that on some of the Facebook posts some people have taken it too far, posting about how they love the children this happened to as much as their own.

snackess · 31/10/2021 21:12

YANBU.

I always found it pretty abhorrent but since becoming a mother the thought and knowledge of these things happening to any child is just so horrific. It honestly keeps me up at night.

Sportslady44 · 29/12/2021 14:21

its terrible it plays on your mind and you cant understand it. Its not the norm thankfully.

It dosent seem fair some people cant have kids and some can and abuse them.

It is so annoying that nobody came to these poor childrens rescue despit their being warnings.

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