AIBU to feel so hopeless and sad about the cruelty to children in this world?

[Shimmylikejoanholloway]

I probably sound melodramatic but recent news - poor, poor little Star Hobson, Arthur Ljanbo-Hughes and the little girl in Afghanistan has just broken me. And those are just a few.
It seems to be getting worse? Everywhere I look there seems to be horrific stories of abuse and human suffering and I feel so helpless, disturbed and heartbroken by it.
I genuinely look at my toddler and wonder what on earth I've brought him into.

I know this kind of thing has always happened (disgustingly) and now we have more access to news/social etc so we hear so many more details than we would have done, but it feels really awful at the moment.

And I know I shouldn't read it if it upsets me but these poor children lived through it, I feel like we should read it and know what they suffered so lessons can be learned. I doubt they will though, and that's the saddest thing. I wish there was more I could do than just cry for these little ones when you hear about it in the news.

Sorry for the rant but it's really getting to me lately.

children's services cut back so much that it's impossible to keep children safe anymore.

@zaffa This isn’t only a recent issue though. Just read the horrific case of Tiffany Wright. Children weren’t being kept safe in 2007 either (and Tiffany is obviously just one of many tragic examples)

www.theguardian.com/society/2010/feb/06/child-neglect-adrian-levy-cathy-scott-clark

[quote bluewanda]children's services cut back so much that it's impossible to keep children safe anymore.

@zaffa This isn’t only a recent issue though. Just read the horrific case of Tiffany Wright. Children weren’t being kept safe in 2007 either (and Tiffany is obviously just one of many tragic examples)

www.theguardian.com/society/2010/feb/06/child-neglect-adrian-levy-cathy-scott-clark[/quote]
I did read that case the other day. It was horrific, that little girl clutching her shoes for comfort and pulling bits of wallpaper off to eat and play with. It's more than I can bear to read about but these children lived it.
Truly, I'm not sure there is any light out there - it's only going to get worse with budget cuts and demonizing SS - I'm not saying they shouldn't be held accountable but it won't attract new people to the role and they are already massively understaffed.

Families who relied on the extra UC top up will be under even more pressure now, places to seek help are closing every day.
The future is just looking very very bleak.

I’m the same OP. I’m an adoptive mum so fairly used to accounts of abuse and neglect but the stories of these poor little children have really got to me.

I have recently recognised that, since having my first dd 4 yrs ago, I am in a constant state of anxiety and despair about the cruelty in the world. I weep at stories all the time and feel so helpless. My husband and I took our daughters abroad recently and we each shared a room with one of our children (intrusive thoughts about Madeline McCann) and I just can't relax in most situations thinking that harm will come to them. I'm not sure how normal this is? I'd also like to know how I can contribute to helping vulnerable children but don't know where to start.

I'm not glad others are feeling like this, although in a way I am as these children deserved love and at the very least I hope they somehow know how many people are mourning them and SO angry about their suffering.
I think the same @Bumblenums1234 my DS doesn't stand still for 30 seconds and definitely wouldn't stand in a corner facing the wall. That poor little girl. Poor poor babies, all of them.

I really wish there were something more we could do, I feel compelled into action on their behalf - something needs to change, but I have no idea what will make a difference.

@AbsentmindedWoman I'm so sorry for your difficult journey, mine isn't the same but we had a lot of trouble and loss before we had DS. This is the thing that cuts deep in me too - so MANY people out there would love these babies, would adore and cherish them and keep them safe. It's all kinds of wrong.

My heart is heavy today. My little DS has a cough and every time I go up to comfort him after he wakes I can't help but wonder if these children ever had a moment of comfort in their short lives.

@Eightmagpies you've articulated so well how I feel most of the time. I suffered from anxiety prior to DS due to some traumatic events in our struggle to successfully have a child, and I've realised the anxiety is still there, brimming beneath the surface it's just focused on different areas.
I do the same - automatically see all the perceived threats.

I can't comprehend how parents can want to do anything other than love and protect their children. I stayed away from the news today, I feel pathetic when I say things like this but my heart can't take it.

@PickUpAPepper yep and I'll know i'll likely be flamed but social services....what a useless sack of sh*te, they are as bad as the parents in my book no excuses. They need to start prosecuting those who are supposed to be working on these cases for causing or allowing this, let's see how quickly they book their ideas up then.
.

Rubbish @bluewanda I can remember horrific cases like this going back to the early 2000's

My husband and I took our daughters abroad recently and we each shared a room with one of our children (intrusive thoughts about Madeline McCann) and I just can't relax in most situations thinking that harm will come to them. I'm not sure how normal this is?

I have a 2 and 3 year old and I'm exactly the same, and would have done same as you on holiday. I'm probably on the higher end of the anxious parent spectrum, but I consider myself quite sensible!

I know. It just reminds me how I would die for my dc and do anything to stop them being hurt. I don't understand why other parents don't feel the same.

The reason why they're being reported on is that it gets the papers clickthroughs and increased advertising revenue. It's a particularly unpleasant equivalent of Meghan Markle stories, miracle diets and salacious murders - the last of which have been making newspaper owners obscenely rich for a good couple of centuries.

The actual level of abuse is likely to be less than it ever has been in history. It would be great if the level were zero, but when there are humans involved, that's never going to happen - there will always be people with mental illnesses, people with personality disorders, people who are irrevocably damaged by their own childhoods, drug abuse or are just plain wicked. And weaker people will always suffer at their hands. It's not right, but it is, for want of a better word, Normal for humans.

Now yes, salacious stories also have the advantage of getting laws put in place in order to keep particular politicians in power, so there are more laws as a result of publishing those accounts of how much defenceless children have suffered and how nobody helped them or somebody tried but wasn't listened to - but you're being upset by it because the news organisations know it makes them money, so you hear of more than you would have done.

Some people act on this by being more vigilant in their daily lives and reporting things they feel are wrong, some find meaning in religion, some almost completely reject the human race can't say I blame them. But it isn't worse than ever. It really, really isn't; 1.5 million innocent children were murdered in just four years in Europe in the period from 1941-45 for the crime of existing - Jewish, Roma, Polish, Catholic, Disabled. 1,500,000 innocent babies, toddlers, infants, juniors, pre teens and teenagers. Nothing now can be as awful as that.

It's not getting worse. It's awful and everything possible should be done to try and protect the children. but it isn't getting worse.

@PickUpAPepper

The issue, I gather, isn't that abuse isn't reported. It's that it's not acted upon. In Star's case the BBC says social workers were 'kept away' from here - how?? We all get checked and watched so much now, yet these horror events still happen. Signals getting lost in the noise?

in at least a couple of articles iv read on star yesterday , her grandmother frankie smiths one , had phoned ss and they dismissed her report as malicous .if this is indeed true it was a terrible failing that cost the child her life . its a haunting terrible case , such exteme prolonged sustained cruelty . there was a video of the partner holding star and trying to be all affectionate to her and the child was just expressionless , there is also a pic in the papers of the child looking the same being held by her , arthurs case is every bit as bad

both stars mother and arthurs father could have just told social services that they didnt want their children and at least even in care these children would have had a chance at a decent life , but they just just keep their children to torture as a source of fun . its evil

im watching to see what sentences stars mother and partner get .
it says much about our criminal justice system that these killers dont receive whole life sentences as in WHOLE LIFE , i just cannot understant why they dont , peter connollys mother was released at one bloody point , i fail to understand why men like wayne couzans can get a whole life sentance for rape and murder which of course he fully deserves , but a mother can collude with her partner to torture and beat her child to death and not get the same , it will never make sense to me . but then i think this pair and arthurs murderers should be hanged anyway

The UK cases have affected me really badly. I just can't understand it. I made a donation to both of the crowd fund pages in an attempt to acknowledge those children and their families. I think I heard that Arthur doesn't have a headstone

It's my view that these cases have come about because of covid and lockdowns. Which disconnected these children from family members that could help them. Arthur apparently only ended up living at Tustin's house because they were there when lockdown was announced.

I seriously question the relatives and friends of these creatures that didn’t see or suspect abuse!
I am sickened that a mother would introduce a man to her child and fail to protect their child.
I have friends that cannot have children and would have taken these poor children and loved and cared for them .
Unfortunately these creatures have absolutely no problems with their fertility…it makes me sick !

YANBU op. Nor melodramatic. It's heartbreaking and we just can't understand how these so called human beings can do this to a precious child.
It keeps me awake at night too. I sometimes wish I hadn't read it and I admit I don't always get to the end as it's too upsetting. It stays with me for a while.
One thing I will say though. We can't stop these bastards, but we can support children's charities and we can raise awareness through safeguarding. Everyone needs to be vigilant wherever you are, live or work, if you see something, report it as best you can. ( I appreciate this is difficult in some situations).
Also, I see on a daily basis how well the majority of children are looked after, loved and nurtured and whilst this doesn't help the children lumbered with these vile excuses for human beings, it does help me feel a bit better.
I had my granddaughter yesterday with my 3 great nieces. I loved watching them play - happy and safe, the way it should be. And hugs and kisses from Nana lasted slightly longer than usual.

In the case of Star it was two women.

I've been following the trial. A lot of Frankie's relatives have already given evidence. They talk about how Frankie changed into an unrecognisable person, that she started talking differently, dressing differently and when family questioned her about her bruises she said that she doesn't feel pain any more. So strange ...

I’m pleased there’s a thread on this as it’s actually so distressing and feels like a huge influx of this sickening cases that it’s good to have somewhere to discuss/share our thoughts. I made DH read about Star because I just needed someone else to read it and be sad with me.

I don’t understand how people can do these things.

The keeley-jade priest one in Birmingham upset me
The mother was below average IQ and lived in a barely furnished tip, saved benefits for new boyfriends car
Just so bleak
Spent her days doing gormless tick tick videos

Should have the option to give children up like an amnesty no questions asked

Means these women could dump the kids and focus on new partners without having to nursery their kids

Totally agree, OP. I’m increasingly affected and struggle to read the news as it’s just so upsetting.

I agree with the pp who states that things are actually better at this point in history than they ever have been (especially with respect to violence, there’s a book on this called Better Angels of Our Nature, if I recall- I started it but the gratuitous descriptions of torture from the Middle Ages were too much for me…), but of course with widespread media coverage and social media, we hear about more extreme cases than we would have before.

I don’t know what to do other than donate to child abuse charities, keep your eyes open, pray if that suits your personal beliefs, have a good cry, and hug your loved ones tight- and avoid the news as much as possible, really. I look at my 3yo and 1yo and genuinely hope that all these abusers experience even a fraction of the pain they inflicted, whilst in prison- and hopefully die in a state of fear themselves so they can’t be released. Not very charitable or forgiving, but that’s the honest truth.

YANBU these cases are heartbreaking. Another one that really upsets me is Ellie Butler, living with caring grandparents and returned by a judge to her father who killed her and her mother who couldn't give a toss. I have stopped reading the reports on Star and Arthur, can't read it anymore too distressing.

@zaffa

Wow, what a harrowing read that article was. Poor, poor little girl.

Rubbish @bluewanda* I can remember horrific cases like this going back to the early 2000's*

@Mayorhum21 I’m confused - why are you saying my comment is rubbish? My point is that cases like this are sadly nothing new. I’m not sure why you’re saying that’s “rubbish”, it’s just a fact.

[quote Mayorhum21]**@PickUpAPepper* yep and I'll know i'll likely be flamed but social services....what a useless sack of shte, they are as bad as the parents in my book no excuses. They need to start prosecuting those who are supposed to be working on these cases for causing or allowing this, let's see how quickly they book their ideas up then.
.[/quote]
Social services don't prosecute cases of neglect and cruelty, that's a matter for the CPS, who base their decisions on evidence gathered by the police. And in the local authority I worked in, even decisions about CP proceedings weren't taken by SWs, but by specialist childcare lawyers in the legal department.

What social services should be doing is early intervention and safeguarding, but with social workers leaving because of burnout, a decade or more of cuts and overstretched and demoralised staff, it's hard to see what can be done without considerable investment in child protection.

I've known very few social workers who've managed to do more than 10 years in child protection, unless they've moved up into management or sideways into training. It's a thankless job, no-one sees all their successes and the families they've helped, but every single failure is all over the papers. And when it comes to the serious case review, it's always the social worker that's hung out to dry, no matter how huge their caseload, how poor their supervision, or how short-staffed they are.

I wouldn't do the job for £100k a year.

I've read comments that I agree with on other similar threads; that our laws and ideas about children are not up to date and still reflect past attitudes, and that children are still somehow, even subconsciously, viewed as possessions. Why else would it still not be illegal in parts of the UK, including England, to strike a child in the name of discipline?

@Somethingsnappy

I've read comments that I agree with on other similar threads; that our laws and ideas about children are not up to date and still reflect past attitudes, and that children are still somehow, even subconsciously, viewed as possessions. Why else would it still not be illegal in parts of the UK, including England, to strike a child in the name of discipline?

I agree completely.