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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if people are entitled or just not self aware?

62 replies

itsgettingwierd · 26/10/2021 14:54

I often wonder if people are just very self absorbed and not self aware or if it's a genuine sense of entitlement they style out beautifully?!

For example today I went to a hospital appointment. I waited for lift as after an internal scan and biopsy I just didn't fancy the 4 flights of stairs!

I waited for lift. 3 lifts. Just me waiting.

First 2 opened but were full and heading up. I wanted down! Plus a huge sign asking to limit 2 people per lift due to covid.

Then next lift arrives. As it does 2 people come round the corner.

Lift says "going down" and they walked straight into it without even a glance in my direction.

I'd been waiting 3/4 minutes at this point and then had to wait another minute or so.

I would usually say something but by then they were in, I'd have had to practically chase after them (not very dignified ) and there were others in the lift and I didn't really want to come across as the pissed of woman with horrid stomach cramps I was!

So in this sort of situation are people just brazenly entitled or did they really just not even think to check their surroundings and were likely just totally unaware of my very existence?

Ps - I do slightly envy people who give no fucks to others and go about their lives as if they are the only people that matter - even though I do t think i could ever do it 🤣

OP posts:

Thedogscollar · 26/10/2021 15:05

The older I am the more I see a huge sense of entitlement in the general public.
Some people just think it's all about them.

Sofiegiraffe · 26/10/2021 15:11

So in this sort of situation are people just brazenly entitled or did they really just not even think to check their surroundings and were likely just totally unaware of my very existence?

Either is possible. I know when I'm anxious or stressed about something I might become less aware of my surroundings and a bit lost in my own head iyswim. I doubt I'd miss an entire person waiting for a lift though.

mbosnz · 26/10/2021 15:13

@Sofiegiraffe

So in this sort of situation are people just brazenly entitled or did they really just not even think to check their surroundings and were likely just totally unaware of my very existence?

I definitely wouldn't miss part of a person waiting for a lift - that would definitely pierce my consciousness. . .

RedHelenB · 26/10/2021 15:15

Did they know you were definitely waiting.? Doesn't sound like you were very near to the lift if you were having to chase after them?

Original poster

itsgettingwierd · 26/10/2021 15:17

You'd have to have some weird thoughts to not realise I was waiting! There is nothing else there.

They had to walk right by me as I was heading to the lift. And I'd have had to chase because the doors were closing rather than distance.

OP posts:

Ionlydomassiveones · 26/10/2021 15:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

TheOriginalEmu · 26/10/2021 15:20

They might have just had the worst possible news and just be unaware. When id just been told my mum was dying I floated around the hospital oblivious for hours. I have no idea what I did or where I really went. In a hospital I would err on the side of just distracted and unaware.
That said some people just don’t care.

raspberrymuffin · 26/10/2021 15:21

I don't think you can judge people in general by what happens in a hospital - people are going through all sorts of shit. A few weeks ago DH went in for a 'just checking things out' colonoscopy and came out of it with cancer and we were so shocked I can easily believe we wouldn't have registered someone waiting for a lift (we used the stairs though so it wasn't us!).

DysmalRadius · 26/10/2021 15:23

If there was room for you in the lift but you didn't get in, could they have thought you were waiting due an 'up' lift?

I also think people's behaviour in a hospital settinh is probably not a good indicator of how they are under normal circumstances. So much stress and worry, all enhanced atm, and people are rarely their best selves when in pain or worried about a loved one. I hope you are feeling better soon though...

DottyHarmer · 26/10/2021 15:24

I see this all the time.

Eg long post office queue. Someone bypasses the whole line snaking out of the door and walks right up to the counter. When they were just about to be lynched (!) they said, “Oh, is this a queue for the counter?” Nah, just standing like plonkers for the fun of it.

Again, at the supermarket checkout, there was a queue but people were socially distancing on those footprints. Someone stepped in front of me, next in line, and starts unloading their trolley. I did speak up then!

And as for rude people who breeze through a door you’re holding to pass on to them as if they are the Queen of Sheba and you a lowly doorman… .

Original poster

itsgettingwierd · 26/10/2021 15:26

@TheOriginalEmu

I did consider this. My terminally ill mum was arriving for chemo at that hospital as I left so I totally get that.

However they were chatting quite happily about what they were having for dinner when she got home that night and she was clearly going out for a fag as they were sat on her lap.

Of course I can never know what was actually going on but they didn't seem like 2 people lost in sadness iyswim?

OP posts:

DottyHarmer · 26/10/2021 15:26

I do agree though that in hospitals people could be given a bit of rope. Hope your dh is getting speedy treatment @raspberrymuffin

MatildaIThink · 26/10/2021 15:27

I agree with others, I am not sure that a hospital is the best environment to judge as many people will be in there with a lot of other things on their mind, I know when my mum was in hospital in intensive care a few years ago I really struggled to be "normal", I accidentally let the door shut in someone's face without even thinking, I just let go and it hit the man in the face, I was up until that point in my own world and that right at that point my brain was not processing anything properly.

girlmom21 · 26/10/2021 15:27

Why were the doors closing so quickly? How far away were you that they'd managed to walk past you and into the lift and for the lift doors to start closing before you could get in?

I don't think they've done anything wrong.

Original poster

itsgettingwierd · 26/10/2021 15:29

Dysmal I walking to get in. They just went in front as if I wasn't even there.

There is 3 lifts. I stood outside middle one. They came form my right and that was the lift that opened. They went straight in. I was further from the door than them.

And it's not just what happened today. I'm noticing this more and more. Queues at supermarkets and tills opening - people must cut in front without seemingly noticing the queues already at busy tills. Same at bus stops. Even at surgery the other day someone came in from outside and literally walked to desk and cut in front of the person the receptionist was talking too as she felt her need was greater.

We were all there for same thing - queuing for the flu jab!

OP posts:

LittleLottieChaos · 26/10/2021 15:54

See also: waiting for the train. I regularly get almost barged out the way even though I am always early, and clearly waiting for the train near where a door opens. I’m also 8 months pregnant.

I think people are a just a bit shit & selfish personally. I watched a man barge his way in front of me last week, not even allowing the disembarking passengers off (bearing in mind the train was at Kings Cross not ready to depart for about 20 mins…). He then sat in one of the few priority seats. No face mask of course.

Cuntness · 26/10/2021 16:02

I had this in IKEA last week.

I was waiting for the lift to the car park. I'm heavily pregnant, struggling to walk, with a small child and a trolley full of stuff. But yeah, you try and push in front of me to use the lift first 🙄🙄

Original poster

itsgettingwierd · 26/10/2021 16:14

So does it appear these people are impressively brazen and are fully aware they are butting in and able to completely appear unaware of others around them.

Or are they genuinely unaware if others and just very locked into their own world and what they need and want?

I just can't figure it out. Because if they are aware if people it's some very specialised skill set to pretend these bodies just aren't present

OP posts:

TractorAndHeadphones · 26/10/2021 16:37

In this case they might have forgotten the Covid regulations rather than ignored you.
As in normal times you’d have followed them into the lift.

Im guilty of this but then again I haven’t been in crowded places for ageszzz

Boudiccasback · 26/10/2021 16:40

A mix of both

Original poster

itsgettingwierd · 26/10/2021 16:45

@TractorAndHeadphones

In this case they might have forgotten the Covid regulations rather than ignored you. As in normal times you’d have followed them into the lift.

Im guilty of this but then again I haven’t been in crowded places for ageszzz

Possibly but there was already 3 people in there before the went in!

I couldn't have fit - and I was more than happy to go in with more than 2 people and did in the next lift

OP posts:

SaltedCaramelHC · 26/10/2021 16:45

I did once miss an entire queue of people waiting to get into a shop, though. I was during lockdown; shop sold bike stuff so was allowed open for various things. The queue was down the side, into the mall, and I approached from the other direction, big wide open door, no store person standing there to tell me to go away at that point, so I just walked in. Only when I came out did I see the queue, and I was very embarrassed. I tried to show my surprise and embarrassment, but it would have been different people by then.

Unaware, yes, but I'm not usually like that - I just made a mistake that day, wasn't properly paying attention. Not entitled, as I'd certainly have waiting in the queue if I'd realised.

Original poster

itsgettingwierd · 26/10/2021 16:47

@SaltedCaramelHC

Unaware, yes, but I'm not usually like that - I just made a mistake that day, wasn't properly paying attention. Not entitled, as I'd certainly have waiting in the queue if I'd realised.

Thanks for this. This was just the sort of Thing I was wondering. I genuinely like to think the best of people so was wondering if sometimes people genuinely are just unaware.

It's probably a mixture of both

OP posts:

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 26/10/2021 16:52

Ps - I do slightly envy people who give no fucks to others and go about their lives as if they are the only people that matter - even though I do t think i could ever do it 🤣
Me too. My ex's Grandparents were like this - apparently totally unaware of the presence of anyone else in the World ever. Although it used to make me cringe with embarrassment, I did secretly envy them that as they mostly got away with it.

onceandneveragain · 26/10/2021 17:43

Don't disagree that people are entitled (although whether more than before, who knows) but in this case it could be very possible that they either assumed you were waiting for an 'up' lift, or didn't notice/take in/care about the 'only 2 people at a time' sign and assumed you'd follow them in (which I would have personally, think the risk of being in an enclosed space for a very short period of time is pretty low, and presumably wouldn't have decreased much if only one of them had got in with you given that they'd been together the rest of the time!), rather than them necessarily thinking 'oh that woman looks like she's waiting for a lift ah well fuck her.'

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