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Original poster

Snoring. Does snorer or snoree (aka victim) move?

85 replies

polkadotpjs · 26/10/2021 05:15

I'm in holiday. V comfy bed yet for the fifth night in a row I'm wide awake due to H snoring. He's not DH right now as I feel a murderous rage creeping over me.
He's had a cold, so is a bit phlegmy but oh my word. He "forgets" his nasal spray or "it doesn't work" but has been working fine. He uses an antihistamine/ hay fever one
But to my point. I'm knackered and can't sleep on sofa here as he has left my blanket in the car. I specifically brought it for sofa sleeping. We are at Center parcs so car is about 10 miles away. But should I be the one to move or him? He says it's not his fault and he's not doing it on purpose...
Any fellow CP dwellers who see a plump woman with a face like a slapped arse at the pool tomorrow, giving her husband daggers? It's me. 😡😡🤬.

OP posts:
saraclara · 26/10/2021 14:06

I love the way people think snoring can be fixed.
I've had an appointment at a sleep clinic. It was made clear that there is no easy answer to snoring, and any surgery (which again often doesn't work) would likely need to be done privately.
The only thing the NHS is really concerned about is sleep apnoea. But if the sleep study rules that out, that's little more that can be done.

Puddington · 26/10/2021 14:28

fwiw OP I got that your choice of words was mostly lighthearted, and ongoing lack of sleep can drive you insane anyway. I swear every man I had been with before my current partner was a chronic, all-night snorer and I don't know how I would have put up with 50+ years of it! The worst was the guy who could be heard from a different floor of the house; he did genuinely try every kind of sleeping position, sprays, what have you, he rarely drank, didn't smoke and was in decent shape but nothing made any difference. A doctor told him he had nasal polyps which would need surgery but that it wasn't offered on the NHS. We ended up just having separate rooms and could never really go on holiday anywhere that didn't have a spare room. I'm sure some snorers don't care about the effect on other people as they can't "see" it but even for people who do make the effort and try everything, sometimes it just can't be "cured". Which is a real shame all round tbh.

My current partner only snores if he's really exhausted or has a cold, and even then it's not all night and not half as loud as my other experiences! And I do have decent earplugs which muffle it somewhat. Nevertheless being woken a few times in the night by things outside your control can drive you to distraction tbh. You have my sympathies!

thereisonlyoneofme · 26/10/2021 14:46

My OH used to snore heavily and also suffered from sleep apnoea so you get the massive waking up snore and the breath holding. I was always the one to move rooms, and on holiday slept in the bath once in the absence of another room. It does induce murderous rage, when we went on holiday I resorted to taking a sleeping pill eventually.
When he switched to night shifts it was absolute bliss

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 26/10/2021 15:05

@thereisonlyoneofme

My OH used to snore heavily and also suffered from sleep apnoea so you get the massive waking up snore and the breath holding. I was always the one to move rooms, and on holiday slept in the bath once in the absence of another room. It does induce murderous rage, when we went on holiday I resorted to taking a sleeping pill eventually. When he switched to night shifts it was absolute bliss
I would suggest he visits his GP who can refer him for a proper sleep study. You taking sleeping pills does not treat his issue, which can be very serious.

Sleep apnea is a serious sleep disorder that happens when your breathing stops and starts while you slumber. If it goes untreated, it can cause loud snoring, daytime tiredness, or more serious problems like heart trouble or high blood pressure.

Beamur · 26/10/2021 15:10

I snore occasionally (does respond to nasal sprays etc) I think the person who is awake should move. I don't snore on purpose and am asleep. Don't wake me up. Just go and sleep in the nice comfortable spare bed DH 😉

SirChenjins · 26/10/2021 15:15

DH moves when it’s bad - he said it’s up to him to move so I’m not disturbed. He also lost weight which was a massive help. He’s still a bit overweight and has a deviated septum so snores a little bit but nothing that a pair of ear plugs can’t deal with as opposed to the previous bed-shaking, sleep apnea level of snoring that could be heard in the street outside.

LittleDandelionClock · 26/10/2021 16:36

@PlanDeRaccordement

My DH tried for years to correct his snoring. He’s not overweight, we barely drink and even when we do it’s one serving, he got surgery done on his nose to correct deviated septum, he’s been to several sleep clinics and tried mouth guards, nose sprays, breathing strips, antihistamines, sleeping propped up/all different positions. And it just got steadily worse.

We now have separate bedrooms and we even book our own separate hotel rooms/or book a cottage with extra bedrooms when we go on holiday.

Snoring cant always be fixed. Sometimes you have to just sleep seperately.

This. ^

My DH was OK-ish for the first ten years we were together, and his snoring wasn't too bad, just very light. But as he hit his mid 30s, his snoring became quite bad, and he seemed to develop annoying habits in bed. Coughing, sniffing loudly, grunting, wheezing, or sighing loudly, when I was just dozing off to sleep. It was like torture. Dozing off to sleep and then being woken; 3, 4, 5 times, and then again after an hour of sleep, and then again and again. Literally fucking torture. SLEEP DEPRIVATION is a form of torture.

@polkadotpjs YANBU. And do not apologise for using the word 'victim.' Someone who is being subjected to sleep deprivation, can have their mental health and physical health badly affected when the person they are sleeping with, snores, and prevents them from sleeping. They are not being prevented from doing something trivial, they are being prevented from SLEEPING. So yes, the person being forced to stay awake by the snorer IS a victim, because they are suffering.

We have had the good fortune of having a spare bedroom for some 20 years now, and since then, I have had my own bedroom. It's absolute fucking bliss. Like the poster I quoted, we book separate rooms when we are away now too. No way could I share a bedroom with DH again, ever.

2 grown adults sleeping together in a 4ft X 6ft bed is untenable long-term IMO, because it's so uncomfortable, and at least one of you (usually the woman) won't be able to sleep properly. Having my own bedroom is Heaven, and I actually feel sorry for anyone who has to share.

bettybigballs · 26/10/2021 16:47

DH and I have separate bedrooms now because of his snoring. he's another one who did absolutely sod all to actually address the issue part from telling me it 'can't be that bad'. I've really had to put my foot down about separate hotel rooms etc when we go away because I refuse to be sleep deprived because of his selfishness.

LittleDandelionClock · 26/10/2021 16:55

@bettybigballs

DH and I have separate bedrooms now because of his snoring. he's another one who did absolutely sod all to actually address the issue part from telling me it 'can't be that bad'. I've really had to put my foot down about separate hotel rooms etc when we go away because I refuse to be sleep deprived because of his selfishness.
My DH didn't do anything about it either when his snoring started to get bad, and just said 'I can't help it' with a kind of Hmm look... He was completely clueless as to how badly the sleep deprivation was affecting me. As I said, it was like torture.

So when we got a 4 bed house 20 years ago, I was able to have my own bedroom, and I have never looked back. I will never share a bedroom with him again. In fact, I will never share a bedroom with anyone - ever.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 26/10/2021 16:57

I'd have gone to the sofa and taken the bedding with me. Let him cover himself with the bloody towels!

MargaretThursday · 26/10/2021 17:09

Snorer moves. I jab him in the ribs until he turns over.

girlmom21 · 26/10/2021 17:14

Snoree moves if the snorer is already snoring. There's no point you both having a disturbed night.

CrystalMaisie · 26/10/2021 18:56

The best day of my life was when dh got his cpap machine. I’m asleep when my head hits the pillow and wake up with the alarm. Life changing for both of us.

Whitecushion · 26/10/2021 19:27

I hate ,hate ,hate being the snorer. Its so awful disturbing other people. I dont drink am not overweight. I just snore. Doctor sent me to the hospital. No help at all for snorers unless they have sleep apnea. Even light hearted threads make me feel embarrassed!

Original poster
polkadotpjs · 26/10/2021 19:57

@Whitecushion don't feel as or embarrassed. You care. That's the main thing. I bet you'd have got my blanket out for me!

OP posts:
Whitecushion · 26/10/2021 20:15

Yes I would!

Tigger1895 · 26/10/2021 20:19

I always end up sleeping on the couch. A few hours sleeping there are better than no hours trying to sleep with someone you are going to try to smother by night 2 or 3.

Chloemol · 26/10/2021 20:21

I would move to the sofa and take the duvet. He can have the towels

mrscee · 26/10/2021 20:36

It's always me that has to move when my dh snores. He wouldn't even consider moving. So I usually come and sleep on the sofa.

Cryalot2 · 26/10/2021 20:41

Agree the snower should move as far away as possible.
My sympathy. Dh has got worse over the years. I deserve a medal for not strangling him at some unearthly hour . Seriously he was waking everyone so got medical help and has a machine. It still makes a noise but bearable compared to snoring.
Dh removes machine to go to loo during the night and often thinks I am sound asleep and next thing he is bringing the house down.
He could win a snoring competition Smile

NotRainingToday · 26/10/2021 20:45

Obviously too late to be useful, but I would have taken the duvet out of the cover, left him with the cover and slept on the sofa with the duvet.
But....the times I've been to CP there have been spare blankets in all the cupboards, so maybe use those?

GoodnightGrandma · 26/10/2021 20:48

I used to hate it when DH said it wasn’t his fault. He was the fucker snoring, so of course it’s his fault 😡
We’re in separate rooms now - heaven.

WhatIsThisPlease · 26/10/2021 20:50

Snorer always moves. That's the rules.

My DP sleeps in the spare room. We both sleep better and it's the reason I haven't beaten him to death with a shovel.

Franklin12 · 26/10/2021 20:57

Not for tonight of course but I have found Bose Sleep Pods life changing. I have tried everything including sleeping pills.

The pods are over £200 but we can share a room on holiday which is great. Back home I have my own room but we like to go to luxury hotels and two rooms was just eye watering.

babydungarees · 26/10/2021 21:04

Snorer goes to the couch, if you have to move then take the duvet with you and chuck a towel over him.