Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if DS can leave school 10 minutes early?

64 replies

ScamTheSchool · 25/10/2021 14:11

DD9 has wanted to do an activity forever, and there is finally a class for her age group that I can get her to. If I have the car and if DH works from home so Ds 11, primary, can come home from school to someone.
DH said fine, he can arrange to work from home that day each week, no problem - I'll have the car and he will be home for DS.

Of course, now it's actually reality, he has said he can't possibly work from home that day and it's ridiculous for me to expect him to arrange his working week around our timetable. Problem being, I now have no one home for DS and potentially no car. We do have alternative transport, a scooter he bought so he wouldn't have to use the train to commute. This was not an issue last year, but apparently expecting him to take the scooter on the couple of days I need the car and he has to go into the office this year is because I want him to die Confused

If Ds is out on time and if there is no traffic we should be able to drive there with five mins to spare. But it's the first session and we don't know exactly where it is and Dd doesn't want to be late. Would it be totally wrong to ask if DS can miss the last 10 minutes of class (music lesson) this week so we can leave when we'd originally planned to leave?

OP posts:
Jasmine11 · 25/10/2021 14:17

I suppose if it's just a one off you can say to the school that you have an appointment so need to leave 10 mins early, but I can't see a school allowing it as a regular thing.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/10/2021 14:19

Yanbu to expect the school to step in for DHS lack of being a decent person.

Is your dh always this obstructive when you or ds want to do things?

MintJulia · 25/10/2021 14:21

Not as a regular thing, no. It would disrupt the lesson for the rest of the class. Can't you bribe another mum to do a play date that day. Offer babysitting in return.

nc87653 · 25/10/2021 14:28

As a one off? Sure
As a regular thing? No.

Original poster
ScamTheSchool · 25/10/2021 14:30

No, I definitely wouldn't want to as a regular thing. Just the first one so we have an extra few minutes to find out where things are and register her. If when it would happen again, she would have to run in as fast as she can.

I don't think I can get away with saying an appointment as DD's class teacher takes DS's class for music and I'm sure she's already told her about it!

Is your dh always this obstructive when you or ds want to do things?
Often Angry but this is the first time it directly affects one of the DC's activities rather than me. No, that's not even true, the second time.

Can't you bribe another mum to do a play date that day.
Not really, DS has never been invited to anyone (SN). I will take a taxi if I have to, but then wouldn't be able to get back for at least 2 hours.

OP posts:
Notaroadrunner · 25/10/2021 14:38

How do you know you will be in time for other sessions? If it's cutting it that fine (should have 5 mins to spare with all going smoothly) then I'd wait until a more suitable time is available. You cannot ask for dd to be taken out on a more regular basis if it turns out you don't make it on time on day 1, and you cannot be late for the music class regularly. So unless you know from day one that you will always make it on time there really isn't any point in going.

2bazookas · 25/10/2021 14:40

Not as a regular thing, no.

Successfully winding-up the end of the school day in a calm, organised way is one of the arts of teaching; it's the time when the teacher may close down some lesson or activity, sum up some special event of the day, remind the kids of anything they need to do tonight or remember to bring tomorrow, give them a little clue about what's planned for tomorrow; so that they leave school feeling the day went well and so will tomorrow. It's an important time for nurturing the teacher/class relationship.
It just won't work with some pupils regularly packing up early.

Original poster
ScamTheSchool · 25/10/2021 14:43

sum up some special event of the day, remind the kids of anything they need to do tonight or remember to bring tomorrow, give them a little clue about what's planned for tomorrow; so that they leave school feeling the day went well and so will tomorrow.
DS's class teacher only works in the mornings so his last lesson of the day is actually taught by DD's class teacher and is music. (DD finishes school earlier than DS on that day. Don't ask. It's complicated).

OP posts:
DoThePropeller · 25/10/2021 14:44

God your husband sounds like a complete arse. Surely he can’t expect you to go to the effort of cooking extra every single meal time, every load of laundry etc until he sorts himself out.

AwkwardPaws27 · 25/10/2021 14:44

But it's the first session and we don't know exactly where it is and Dd doesn't want to be late. Would it be totally wrong to ask if DS can miss the last 10 minutes of class (music lesson) this week so we can leave when we'd originally planned to leave?

Can you do a practice run so you know exactly where it is? That would save the worry of getting lost and being late?

Fernando072020 · 25/10/2021 14:49

A one off is absolutely fine.

And your DH is being ridiculous

WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly · 25/10/2021 14:51

He’s not ok to be left alone?
If not then a one off is fine IMO.

MatildaJayne · 25/10/2021 14:57

Can’t your DS at age 11, walk home from school and let himself in and be home alone for an hour or so?

CurryLover55 · 25/10/2021 14:57

DH used to pull stunts like that - have you talked to yours about how unfair he’s being to say one thing then do another? I felt very uncomfortable reading your OP as it took me right back.

MatildaJayne · 25/10/2021 14:58

Oh, and your ‘D’ H is a twat.

Original poster
ScamTheSchool · 25/10/2021 15:08

I scouted out the building and parking but it looked closed so still don't know where she has to go once inside.

Can’t your DS at age 11, walk home from school and let himself in and be home alone for an hour or so
Yes and no. He doesn't want the responsibility of a key. If I don't have the car, I'd have to get a taxi, then I can't really afford a taxi back and then a taxi back to get DD (25 each way). So he'd be alone 2-2.5 hours which is too long.

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 25/10/2021 15:13

Your husband sounds like a right twat , aside from that it does sound like this class is not really convenient all round .

Original poster
ScamTheSchool · 25/10/2021 15:17

aside from that it does sound like this class is not really convenient all round .
Why? If, as agreed, DH is working from home then I can leave 40 minutes before DD's class starts.

OP posts:
MatildaJayne · 25/10/2021 15:28

A key on a zippy wire attached to the inside of his school bag or inside his coat pocket? Only on that one day a week. 2 hours at home alone is fine for a Y6 child who will be going to secondary school soon, imo. But you know your DS best, of course.

Wintermagic · 25/10/2021 15:41

and he has to go into the office this year is because I want him to die

Your husband really need to get a grip. Has he thought about how many of us who has actually worked (among other people) throughout the pandemic?! Guess what, we’re still here and still not working from home! Entitled behaviour like this annoys the shit out of me.

CheesyMother · 25/10/2021 15:41

Why can’t your husband work from home (or use the scooter) for just the first session? He’s an arse, but would he perhaps be slightly less of an arse for one week?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/10/2021 15:42

I would just turn around to dh and say

"You assured me you could wfh on a Tuesday. I booked the class because you told me you will be here. You are letting your dd down - in order for her to attend the group, you need to do what you said you could do. Your choices are either work from home that day, or get yourself to work and back in a way which leaves me the car. Let me know by the time you go to bed which of these two options you are going to choose"

Then just walk away.

benelephant · 25/10/2021 15:51

OP I feel for you. You and DH are supposed to be a team working together to fit everything in. I've been in your position. I'm afraid to say it was never resolved, DP became more and more awkward and we had to split up. If this is a regular thing then you have a bigger problem than not being able to get to the group. In the short-term I'd say it's ok to collect five mins early this time but not for any other weeks. Good luck however you sort it out.

appleturnovers · 25/10/2021 15:53

it's ridiculous for me to expect him to arrange his working week around our timetable

Hang on, is this your husband, and the father of your children, or is it a flatmate or lodger? It's just that phrasing it like that makes it sound as though the children are solely your problem and he has no responsibility for them at all, and that can't be right, so I wondered if I'd misunderstood...

e do have alternative transport, a scooter he bought so he wouldn't have to use the train to commute. This was not an issue last year, but apparently expecting him to take the scooter on the couple of days I need the car and he has to go into the office this year is because I want him to die

Your husband is a selfish c*.