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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if DS can leave school 10 minutes early?

64 replies

ScamTheSchool · 25/10/2021 14:11

DD9 has wanted to do an activity forever, and there is finally a class for her age group that I can get her to. If I have the car and if DH works from home so Ds 11, primary, can come home from school to someone.
DH said fine, he can arrange to work from home that day each week, no problem - I'll have the car and he will be home for DS.

Of course, now it's actually reality, he has said he can't possibly work from home that day and it's ridiculous for me to expect him to arrange his working week around our timetable. Problem being, I now have no one home for DS and potentially no car. We do have alternative transport, a scooter he bought so he wouldn't have to use the train to commute. This was not an issue last year, but apparently expecting him to take the scooter on the couple of days I need the car and he has to go into the office this year is because I want him to die Confused

If Ds is out on time and if there is no traffic we should be able to drive there with five mins to spare. But it's the first session and we don't know exactly where it is and Dd doesn't want to be late. Would it be totally wrong to ask if DS can miss the last 10 minutes of class (music lesson) this week so we can leave when we'd originally planned to leave?

OP posts:
icedcoffees · 25/10/2021 15:56

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

I would just turn around to dh and say

"You assured me you could wfh on a Tuesday. I booked the class because you told me you will be here. You are letting your dd down - in order for her to attend the group, you need to do what you said you could do. Your choices are either work from home that day, or get yourself to work and back in a way which leaves me the car. Let me know by the time you go to bed which of these two options you are going to choose"

Then just walk away.

This.

Don't let your DH backtrack and make things complicated for you. He agreed to WFH so now he needs to go through with it.

HalzTangz · 25/10/2021 15:59

Can you drive to the place before the first class so you know where it is and how long it will take? Why wait until the first class to do this

Crazycakelady17 · 25/10/2021 16:01

Your DH sounds controlling
I think your DS in y6 and 11 should be fine for a few hours but you know him best.
My DH committed to finishing early on a Thursday and working later on a Friday to make up the hours so DD could go horse riding as I don’t drive I would be livid if he back tracked on that not a issue anymore as she’s in the next class up so later so he can finish as normal now
What will happen in sept when DS goes to high school with this activity as the high schools
Usually have different finish times to primary

girlmom21 · 25/10/2021 16:02

Your husband is a selfish arse. Poor kids.

How far from school is the activity? Could you get DD there then go back for DS?

Viciouslybashed · 25/10/2021 16:09

I would take the car early in the morning so he has to use the scooter or work from home. Not fair if him at all.

Original poster
ScamTheSchool · 25/10/2021 16:11

Has he thought about how many of us who has actually worked (among other people) throughout the pandemic?! Guess what, we’re still here and still not working from home!
He means from having to drive(? Ride?) the scooter in the dark/bad/cold weather rather than COVID.

Why can’t your husband work from home (or use the scooter) for just the first session?
Because he's arranged for a meeting in the office, despite me reminding him, putting it in the family diary, DD talking incessantly about it.... So, I don't see why he shouldn't take the scooter. Although I do admit it doesn't seem very inviting. But it's one of the reasons he bought it.

OP posts:
Original poster
ScamTheSchool · 25/10/2021 16:12

How far from school is the activity? Could you get DD there then go back for DS?
Yes potentially if I have the car. Not really if I have to taxi there.

OP posts:
Original poster
ScamTheSchool · 25/10/2021 16:14

And I find the scooter heavy and hard to manage so I'm not willing to take the DC on it as I don't think I could cope with the added weight. It's 15-20 mins away depending on traffic, which will be less the earlier I leave.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 25/10/2021 16:18

Fuck him - take the car. Leave the house early in the morning with the car if you need to. Why should DD miss out because he's a selfish prick?

Hellocatshome · 25/10/2021 16:18

I would say it was ok as a one off to ask but will it really be a one off?. Tbh your DH sounds like a twunt.

Kotatsu · 25/10/2021 16:49

Christ my ex did that - although around me getting a job one minute it was sure, I can do the drop offs and flexitime so I'm in an hour later (which would actually also have halved his commute time), then once I was offered something it was 'oh no, we have flexi, but they don't really want anyone to use it, I couldn't possibly take responsibility for my own kids).. our relationship hobbled on a few more years, but I think that was the beginning of me realising the utterly self-absorbed fucker he was.

How angry are you - can you set an ultimatum? Take the car as suggested above?

If not then sure my kids school would be fine with me grabbing DS (also 11) 5 minutes early if needed on a day - they are a particularly family-friendly school though.

SoniaFouler · 25/10/2021 16:58

Through year 8 to year 9 I always missed the last lesson on a Thursday (Maths in year 8 and History in year 9) to attend an after school activity and it wasn’t an issue with school, but this was back in 2001 and I think schools are more strict now from what I hear. You could ask, but they will probably say no.

stillonthattightrope · 25/10/2021 17:20

If your husband is going to be such a dick, can you have a second car? I know that's a bit extra cost but might be worth it not to have to rely on him?

If it were me I'd be telling my partner I'm having the car because I need it more but I wouldn't have to because he's a reasonable person.

stillonthattightrope · 25/10/2021 17:21

Big not bit

muddyford · 25/10/2021 17:29

I would do a reconnaissance trip to the activity on a day when you do have the car, at the same time so you get a feel for the traffic and how long you need to drive there after collecting the children from school. But I'm afraid your husband is demonstrating the common husbandly trait of self-centredness.

fabulousathome · 25/10/2021 17:30

If the scooter is so dangerous and not going to be used it needs selling very quickly.

Use the money for taxis for as long as it lasts.

Margaritawithlime · 25/10/2021 17:32

Not a problem school wise - at least in mine! Ten mins at the end of the day would be fine

Original poster
ScamTheSchool · 25/10/2021 17:33

although around me getting a job one minute it was sure, I can do the drop offs and flexitime so I'm in an hour later (which would actually also have halved his commute time), then once I was offered something it was 'oh no, we have flexi, but they don't really want anyone to use it, I couldn't possibly...
Yep, this is what happened last time I tried to work.
No we can't have a second car, parking issues. That's why he got the scooter - he said it would be more practical all round and cheaper than a second car!

I would say it was ok as a one off to ask but will it really be a one off?
Yes, I think so. As long as Ds is out exactly on time, then we should be ok to get there. It's just the first session where she has to register etc I can't drop her off at the door, I have to park and go in with her.

OP posts:
violetbunny · 25/10/2021 17:34

Oh OP, the way you come across you sound a bit ground down by this man Sad
What is your DH like usually? What do you get from this relationship?

Pinkfluffyunicornsandrainbows · 25/10/2021 17:36

Not unreasonable at all.

TeeBee · 25/10/2021 17:43

Tell him you're taking the car (hide the keys if necessary) and tell him you'll be putting the scooter up for sale if its not being used. He's a twat.

appleturnovers · 25/10/2021 18:14

The more I think about this the angrier it's making me.

My mum's boyfriend used to pick me up from school every Monday and drive me 20 minutes across town through rush hour traffic, then pick me up again an hour later, for an activity I loved, and he wasn't even my dad.

Your husband needs to step up and start acting like a dad, not just some t*sser who happens to live in the same house as them.

In the meantime, you TELL him, don't ask him, that you are using the car that day, as previously agreed. And if he really kicks up a fuss then you get him to tell your daughter to her face that she can't do her activity, even though it's all been planned, because Daddy reneged on his word and decided his own convenience was more important than her.

TeeBee · 25/10/2021 18:20

Actually, when my DS' dad is being useless and selfish (one of the reasons I split up with him), I say 'don't worry then, my [lovely boyfriend] has offered to do it'. Within minutes, he'll be on the phone falling over himself to do whatever it is. Do you know any handsome men you could get to help you out OP (only half joking)?

CallmeHendricks · 25/10/2021 18:23

I'm a teacher. I'm really sorry but no, you WBVVVVVU to take your son out of school early for this reason.

And I agree with the others, you have a DH problem, I'm afraid.

Stompythedinosaur · 25/10/2021 18:29

I dont think it's reasonable for your dc to leave early, it would be very disruptive to the class.

The issue is with your dh letting your dc down. I'd be asking him to explain to the dc why they can't do the activity.