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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if DS can leave school 10 minutes early?

64 replies

ScamTheSchool · 25/10/2021 14:11

DD9 has wanted to do an activity forever, and there is finally a class for her age group that I can get her to. If I have the car and if DH works from home so Ds 11, primary, can come home from school to someone.
DH said fine, he can arrange to work from home that day each week, no problem - I'll have the car and he will be home for DS.

Of course, now it's actually reality, he has said he can't possibly work from home that day and it's ridiculous for me to expect him to arrange his working week around our timetable. Problem being, I now have no one home for DS and potentially no car. We do have alternative transport, a scooter he bought so he wouldn't have to use the train to commute. This was not an issue last year, but apparently expecting him to take the scooter on the couple of days I need the car and he has to go into the office this year is because I want him to die Confused

If Ds is out on time and if there is no traffic we should be able to drive there with five mins to spare. But it's the first session and we don't know exactly where it is and Dd doesn't want to be late. Would it be totally wrong to ask if DS can miss the last 10 minutes of class (music lesson) this week so we can leave when we'd originally planned to leave?

OP posts:
Original poster
ScamTheSchool · 25/10/2021 20:40

I am still being ridiculous for refusing to take DC on the back of the scooter and leaving the other one at home. This is the most obvious solution.

He has also booked home office this week for the one day when I have absolutely no need of the car Confused

I also ruined his weekend because of the car. We'd been invited to a party and he said he would come (first invite for Ds so he was very excited). Then of course on Friday evening he said the best weekend ever would be to do X on Saturday and Y on Sunday. Kids reminded him about the party "oh. But we don't need to go." Then he said he would go out for the day and I could take the kids. Fine. Just as he went to leave I asked if he wouldn't be cold on the scooter and he said he was taking the car and we could bike to the party. About an hours bike ride away. He did leave us the car but he was not happy about it.
Use of car vs. scooter is a sore point at the moment.

OP posts:
Thatsplentyjack · 25/10/2021 20:44

It's one day, it's fine! Your dh is being a dick though.

StripyHorse · 25/10/2021 21:11

Your DH is the issue here, but you know that.

If the scooter is too dangerous for one adult on their own it is certainly too dangerous for adult plus child

If DH won't back down about the car, is there an after school club your DS could go to? And if so, would the logistics of picking him up again work with the activity or DH picking him up?

Original poster
ScamTheSchool · 25/10/2021 21:52

No, there's not.

I don't know. Is this unreasonable? Before COVID, I did everything for the Dc by public transport, then everything was cancelled and DH said I wasn't to take the kids on the buses hence the scooter. He finally agreed to let DC do their clubs again.

Day 1 - the day I need the car. The DC's are out at school all day and is therefore a day he has often worked from home over the past year.
Day 2 - DCs have activity, 20 minutes walk, practical if we could have the car, but not necessary, no bus. Not in town so no traffic issues if he were to collect us.
Day 3 - DD activity, group of parents share, I need the car for pick up at 7pm. DH has never, until he's done home office, stayed in the office til 7, always home for 6 or earlier. But now he goes in later and stays a bit later. Activity is walkable, but parents were horrified I suggested I could escort them there on foot if need be!
Day 4. - DS activity, doable by bus, practical if we could have the car. Not walkable.
Day 5 - DC activity, at school walking distance.

So basically, I have:
one afternoon I need the car.
One I need it by 6:45pm.
Then
One it would be practical but manageable without.
One it would be nice / DH could collect us on his way home.
One I don't need it at all.

OP posts:
SomePosters · 25/10/2021 22:00

Is your husband the only one whose timetable can’t be expected to change to accommodate the family?

Why do people still move the world to accommodate spoilt grown men?

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 25/10/2021 22:11

Your husband is being selfish and controlling. Everything you describe is him being a controlling dick to make sure you And the children are disrupted.

Repeat what the pp said. He actually has three options, as the scooter was instead of him getting the train, so train must also be a possibility. Then hide the car keys. Really fucking well.

He is an arsehole, op. You deserve better.

Hankunamatata · 25/10/2021 22:14

It's really disruptive. My kids primary has put a ban on picking kids up 20 mins before get out time.

Hankunamatata · 25/10/2021 22:19

Your husbands an arse hole who doesnt value you or your kids.

Tailendofsummer · 25/10/2021 22:53

I'm not sure how you can change him, short of leaving him. I would stop all pleasant conversations, cooking his dinner etc - this is a down tools moment if ever there was one. It's not your convenience or enjoyment you're sticking up for, it's a child's, his child too.

Tailendofsummer · 25/10/2021 22:53

Selling the scooter and using the cash on taxis might be satisfying in the short term.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 25/10/2021 22:59

Is there any way you could afford 2 cars? I’d actually leave dh off that behaviour but then I’ve had my own car since I was 19 and have no intention of losing that until I’m unable to safely drive so I’m probably coming at it from there wrong place. I only know one family who share a car and the man always seems to get dibs while the wife and dc walk miles in the rain with shopping etc.

Fuss · 25/10/2021 23:07

My solution would be to sell the scooter to fund a SHL personally. I couldn't live like this OP, he's exhausting.
Please ask yourself what you and your children are getting out of this marriage.

CallmeHendricks · 25/10/2021 23:07

@Hankunamatata

It's really disruptive. My kids primary has put a ban on picking kids up 20 mins before get out time.
Ours too. Pre-Covid, it was quite remarkable how many children had dental appointments on Friday afternoons.
appleturnovers · 25/10/2021 23:10

@ScamTheSchool

I am still being ridiculous for refusing to take DC on the back of the scooter and leaving the other one at home. This is the most obvious solution.

He has also booked home office this week for the one day when I have absolutely no need of the car Confused

I also ruined his weekend because of the car. We'd been invited to a party and he said he would come (first invite for Ds so he was very excited). Then of course on Friday evening he said the best weekend ever would be to do X on Saturday and Y on Sunday. Kids reminded him about the party "oh. But we don't need to go." Then he said he would go out for the day and I could take the kids. Fine. Just as he went to leave I asked if he wouldn't be cold on the scooter and he said he was taking the car and we could bike to the party. About an hours bike ride away. He did leave us the car but he was not happy about it.
Use of car vs. scooter is a sore point at the moment.

He did what?! What a selfish twat. He seems to just see himself as a bachelor with some short flatmates.

And like someone else said, but it bears repeating, if the scooter is too dangerous for an adult man then it's definitely too dangerous for you+child.

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