Girls with ADHD

[SecondUsername]

I’ve read the symptoms of ADHD and do wonder if my DD has it.

But I also wonder if it’s immaturity (she’s 6 ish), or just her personality, or maybe even something else.

AIBU to ask for your day to day experiences of having a girl with ADHD?

I’m asking for experiences with girls as it can present quite differently in boys.

Also, how Long did diagnosis take?

Many thanks for any insights. I’m hoping they help me to see if I’m way off thinking she might have it.

@Siameasy

I strongly suspect myself and am alert to my DD. But at the same time, isn’t it normal that a six year old does cartwheels in the street and talks constantly? Sometimes I think my child is fine; society’s expectations are really unrealistic. She’s very emotional and I recognise her in all the anecdotes above.

That’s what I struggle with. Is she normal and I am just expecting too much? Is it my parenting style / me?

@SkiRun0077

Interesting reading these as my 10yr we think is ASD, I have been reading a lot on the PDA society as she fits this to a tee. But equally a lot of what has been listed here as ADHD is her…arrh I’ve reached a point I don’t know which way to turn just know we have a child that’s imploding with very high anxiety, regular meltdowns and extremely hard to parent she’s finally getting some small adjustments at school in Year6, after having an awful year5, due to teacher clash. I’m assuming I need to talk to the GP to start an assessment for years, but I literally don’t know what to ask for, as know I’ll get fobbed off or spending years being questioned as she’s “fine” in school but a nightmare at home.

I think someone above mentioned asking for a multidisciplinary team / assessment. Might be worth seeing about that if you’re unsure.

It’s so hard when they seem fine outside the house, but meltdown inside! I hope the adjustments at school make a difference.

@Hankunamatata

www.google.com/amp/s/www.additudemag.com/adhd-in-girls-women/amp/

Theres some great articles. I have adhd boys but often get articles on fb for girls and adhd. Shared and a friend messaged me saying I think my daughter has adhd. Best bet is lots of reading. Theres some great books about girls and adhd

Thank you. I will take a look

@Hankunamatata

Omg if never seen before that adhder can develop OCD. My dh has diagnosis of OCD and we have three diagnosed kids with ADHD so he often wonders about himself and adhd

I think I read it when finding info on adults and ADHD. It is also linked to anxiety (& maybe depression). Worth looking into.

@SecondUsername the tantrums aren't so much tantrums anymore as they were when she was younger. Although she had them much much older/later than her peers. Now it's more like a meltdown. She can flip and become overwhelmed quicker than I blink.

It's usually something like when her room gets too messy and she's tried to tidy it. She'll hyper fixate on one thing for ages like reorganising a draw, then she'll realise she hasn't done much and I can see her brain implode. She gets short of breath and shaky legs and will cry, then afterwards is exhausted and can sleep for hours.

That’s often my dilemma OP. Our society only fits NT people. My daughter (6) cartwheels in shopping centres and tries to in restaurants (😂) it’s like she has an urge or,I call it, “fleas”. But because of how she has always been (highly physical) I’m very laid back. I wouldn’t ever allow her to interfere with another diner’s comfort for instance but I do direct her to a safe area wherever we are to get her wiggles out because I feel this helps her emotionally

@SecondUsername It is indeed such a relief! Fingers crossed it continues for the year 🤞🤞

Re CAMHS, I think it varies hugely depending on your area but where I am, we can self-refer to CAMHS. So I did, mainly because of the hitting, behaviour, and the anxiety. They didn't accept the referral but the triaging phone call was so helpful in itself (with ideas to try etc) and we were signposted to the neurodevelopmental pathway through the GP, as the CAMHS clinician felt there were red flags for ADHD. Whether it's the same for your area, I don't know.

Don't feel bad about parenting (easy to say I know) but you're questioning and reflecting, which means you're doing a great job at trying to understand her.

I hope you get some answers at some point 💐

Just to add. My DD attempted suicide and was referred to CAMHs off the back of that. Had suffered terrible anxiety for about 18 months previous. I never considered ADHD it was thanks to an amazing CAMHs support worker that it came to the fore

Go see the gp and get a referral to a psychiatrist. Much better than all this guessing and assuming. Plus the sooner you get on top if this the better.

@MiloAndEddie

This is interesting for me because I have wondered about my 6 year old DD. We have parents evening coming up so I will speak to the school about it and see if anything is coming out there. Can I ask if any of you have issues with the toilet? Our massive sticking point is that she often won’t go to the toilet when she needs it. You can tell she needs to go but when you tell her to go she will literally explode, anger etc. She won’t have an accident, she makes it 99.9% of the time but it seems like a control thing with her. Sorry if that’s off topic!

My 6 year old DD is so annoying about the toilet. It’s the same battle every day. Huge resistance to it and inevitably a huge weee once she finally backs down. However, she has friends who also do this but, interestingly, all boys.

@Marvellousmadness

Go see the gp and get a referral to a psychiatrist. Much better than all this guessing and assuming. Plus the sooner you get on top if this the better.

We will. Just wanted to hear day to day what it’s like, more than just a list on a website.

My six year old daughter has just been diagnosed with ADHD and I have since been referred by my GP.

My daughter was described as bright but rude at school by two subsequent teachers but we didn’t have this rudeness at home. We recognised it as misunderstanding. She had a lot of sensory issues at home like spinning, hanging upside down and still putting things in her mouth. She is inquisitive and astute and her vocabulary is very good but she is chaotic in her explanations. She has a short attention span but hyperfixates on certain things, particularly drawing which she has become very good at for her age.
Her imagination is very good, just like her non ADHD sister but unlike her sister, she cannot play alone. She cannot get started without help. She is incredibly untidy, often doesn’t respond to instructions or her name being called and she is often in her own imagined world. She relies heavily on me to regulate her emotions and I would say more so than just a sensitive child. We have to revisit scenarios multiple times for her to make sense of them. She breaks lots of things without thinking, even things she loves.
She is a quiet, dreamy girl for the most part and changes at school since her diagnosis have caused her self esteem to really improve. She is given lots of opportunities to get up and move around and more support with her relationships at play time. She is allowed to colour and play Lego when she is starting to get twitchy.
She is a lovely girl but she does work differently. We are learning about her now rather than trying to make a square peg fit a round hole.

@SecondUsername

I had a friend who described his dyslexia as “organisational dyslexia” (I don’t know if that’s a real term or not). He also said he found organising information was his major problem. It’s interesting to know that dyslexia isn’t just about reading and writing!

Yes, I had no idea! In the past year I've been diagnosed with ADHD (combined presentation), autism, dyslexia and dyspraxia. I'm 31 and it was all missed, in part because research is very behind with regard to presentation in girls and in part because I was very bright, capable and advanced for my age.

It all came to a head and I flamed out when I sat my higher level exams at secondary school, and I've bounced from job to job ever since. I've spent my entire life thinking I'm "thick" (even though I'm highly academic and currently doing a PhD) because I'd forget everything, misunderstand people, I couldn't make heads or tails of written instructions yet I'd forget verbal instructions before the person had even finished talking. I make silly mistakes, cause delays, fail to answer emails or start tasks due to executive dysfunction, I rarely foresee consequences or the impact of one task on another... basically I find following processes really, really difficult and I've never known why.

It's nice to have answers now but part of me is really mourning the life I could have had with the correct accommodations in place from childhood

[quote PumpkinPatching]@SecondUsername It is indeed such a relief! Fingers crossed it continues for the year 🤞🤞

Re CAMHS, I think it varies hugely depending on your area but where I am, we can self-refer to CAMHS. So I did, mainly because of the hitting, behaviour, and the anxiety. They didn't accept the referral but the triaging phone call was so helpful in itself (with ideas to try etc) and we were signposted to the neurodevelopmental pathway through the GP, as the CAMHS clinician felt there were red flags for ADHD. Whether it's the same for your area, I don't know.

Don't feel bad about parenting (easy to say I know) but you're questioning and reflecting, which means you're doing a great job at trying to understand her.

I hope you get some answers at some point 💐[/quote]
Thank you. I will look into if you can self refer to CAMHS here if the doctor doesn’t help. My husband is going to discuss with the doctor an assessment for himself and DD. We will see what they say!

@HeyMoana

My six year old daughter has just been diagnosed with ADHD and I have since been referred by my GP.

My daughter was described as bright but rude at school by two subsequent teachers but we didn’t have this rudeness at home. We recognised it as misunderstanding. She had a lot of sensory issues at home like spinning, hanging upside down and still putting things in her mouth. She is inquisitive and astute and her vocabulary is very good but she is chaotic in her explanations. She has a short attention span but hyperfixates on certain things, particularly drawing which she has become very good at for her age.
Her imagination is very good, just like her non ADHD sister but unlike her sister, she cannot play alone. She cannot get started without help. She is incredibly untidy, often doesn’t respond to instructions or her name being called and she is often in her own imagined world. She relies heavily on me to regulate her emotions and I would say more so than just a sensitive child. We have to revisit scenarios multiple times for her to make sense of them. She breaks lots of things without thinking, even things she loves.
She is a quiet, dreamy girl for the most part and changes at school since her diagnosis have caused her self esteem to really improve. She is given lots of opportunities to get up and move around and more support with her relationships at play time. She is allowed to colour and play Lego when she is starting to get twitchy.
She is a lovely girl but she does work differently. We are learning about her now rather than trying to make a square peg fit a round hole.

I’m glad your child has strategies in place at school to help. I think you’ve summed it up in your last 2 sentences - I don’t want to make her fit if she doesn’t / if she works differently.

Yes my DD also has a great imagination, which I love! And she also likes art, we both do. But it is the emotional regulation that is draining.

Thank you for sharing your experiences

[quote amusedbush]@SecondUsername

I had a friend who described his dyslexia as “organisational dyslexia” (I don’t know if that’s a real term or not). He also said he found organising information was his major problem. It’s interesting to know that dyslexia isn’t just about reading and writing!

Yes, I had no idea! In the past year I've been diagnosed with ADHD (combined presentation), autism, dyslexia and dyspraxia. I'm 31 and it was all missed, in part because research is very behind with regard to presentation in girls and in part because I was very bright, capable and advanced for my age.

It all came to a head and I flamed out when I sat my higher level exams at secondary school, and I've bounced from job to job ever since. I've spent my entire life thinking I'm "thick" (even though I'm highly academic and currently doing a PhD) because I'd forget everything, misunderstand people, I couldn't make heads or tails of written instructions yet I'd forget verbal instructions before the person had even finished talking. I make silly mistakes, cause delays, fail to answer emails or start tasks due to executive dysfunction, I rarely foresee consequences or the impact of one task on another... basically I find following processes really, really difficult and I've never known why.

It's nice to have answers now but part of me is really mourning the life I could have had with the correct accommodations in place from childhood [/quote]
That does sound difficult! I’m glad you have a diagnosis and I hope it helps you understand yourself and that you just work differently. Hopefully you can move on from feeling mournful about the life you haven’t had and begin to feel positive about the life you can now create with more understanding about how you “work”.

Thank you for starting this thread it’s given me the confidence to go try tackle the GP route for my 10yr old DD. The last ten days managing her behaviour has been so so hard, she’s so much like the descriptions on here. As a parent you doubt yourself so much, my brother (never diagnosed) is so much like this. My mum described him as a”sod” most of his childhood but he was incredibly bright & sporty, He later went on to set up his own business and made a lot of money. I like the example of not trying to fit the quirky funny intelligent child into the square box. A lot of the big name entrepreneurs are neruodiverse I wonder how their mums managed to survive!

@SkiRun0077

Thank you for starting this thread it’s given me the confidence to go try tackle the GP route for my 10yr old DD. The last ten days managing her behaviour has been so so hard, she’s so much like the descriptions on here. As a parent you doubt yourself so much, my brother (never diagnosed) is so much like this. My mum described him as a”sod” most of his childhood but he was incredibly bright & sporty, He later went on to set up his own business and made a lot of money. I like the example of not trying to fit the quirky funny intelligent child into the square box. A lot of the big name entrepreneurs are neruodiverse I wonder how their mums managed to survive!

Best of luck for getting a diagnosis for your child.

I think my husband would also be described as a sod / difficult child. Bright and able, but disengaged. Much like your brother he is now doing well (probably because he can do something that interests him!)

Did anyone see the segment on women and ADHD on BBC Breakfast this morning? It was interesting. My DD15 is currently being assessed by CAMHS for ASD. But reading this thread made me think she has some real elements of ADHD. I will wait and see what ASD assessment throws up and ask ADHD. She has had such a rough few years, early diagnosis for neurodiversity is so important. I feel terrible that it took this long for us to get here.

@hapagirl

Did anyone see the segment on women and ADHD on BBC Breakfast this morning? It was interesting. My DD15 is currently being assessed by CAMHS for ASD. But reading this thread made me think she has some real elements of ADHD. I will wait and see what ASD assessment throws up and ask ADHD. She has had such a rough few years, early diagnosis for neurodiversity is so important. I feel terrible that it took this long for us to get here.

Thanks for mentioning this. I read the article and it made an interesting read.

I hope you manage to get a diagnosis for your daughter.

We actually got some feedback from my SD's initial assessment this morning - everything was below the 'normal' boundaries except for her verbal communication which was above average, to the extent they suspect she's almost 'too good' at the masking aspect with her teachers etc.

They've set several things in motion though, definitely making progress. The school system psychologist had busted layers of red tape for us based on her own assessment of my SD - she's amazing.

My 6 year old DD is diagnosed with ADHD. She can't focus at all, she can't sit still, often it isn't in your face hyper it's sat tapping/fidgeting/day dreaming when she sits. She can't process entire sentences that are said to her.

She is also diagnosed ASC and highly suspected dyslexic

I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 39. I have hyper-focus type.

As a girl, I was very high energy and mostly played with boys. In school I would often have very realistic day dreams, and be so focused on it that I wouldn’t notice class ending or teacher talking to me. So I’d be punished for obstinance or not paying attention.

As I got older, I used to draw instead of take notes, or secretly read a book stuck inside my text book(also got into trouble for that). I was off in another world a lot during class, except playtime when I would be bouncing around with the boys climbing trees and even got into fights.

I would wander off and get lost on school field trips- distracted by something. I did well academically but not as well as I could have because I’d rush through a test and hand it in first, well before anyone else because I’d get all jittery and just want to be done with it.

Conversation I’d interrupt adults, finish their sentences or respond to what I assumed they were going to say. They just seemed painfully in slow motion to me.

@NewLevelsOfTiredness

We actually got some feedback from my SD's initial assessment this morning - everything was below the 'normal' boundaries except for her verbal communication which was above average, to the extent they suspect she's almost 'too good' at the masking aspect with her teachers etc.

They've set several things in motion though, definitely making progress. The school system psychologist had busted layers of red tape for us based on her own assessment of my SD - she's amazing.

I’m glad you’ve received some feedback. It must be encouraging to be moving forward and hopefully you’ll receive more help soon.

@Bingbong21

My 6 year old DD is diagnosed with ADHD. She can't focus at all, she can't sit still, often it isn't in your face hyper it's sat tapping/fidgeting/day dreaming when she sits. She can't process entire sentences that are said to her.

She is also diagnosed ASC and highly suspected dyslexic

I hope you’re receiving support with her needs and hopefully got this early on! My daughter is definitely a fidget too!