To offer him a banana?

[larrythelizard]

DS is 2 and 4 months.

Historically food and eating has been a battle but more recently he's been better and he's eaten what he's been given for meals (obviously he eats everything at nursery)

We're careful with timing and quantity of snacks (most of the time offering fruit/breadsticks etc).

Tonight he has decided against his dinner and would not try and mouthful of it. It was a creamy chicken thing with mash and grated cheese.

DH was adamant that DS wasn't to eat anything else however after 90 mins of ignoring the fuss he was making/cajoling him/trying the naughty step, DS has still refused to even try it (i offered a 'special spoon' to try and offer him a way to climb down from his protest without feeling he was giving in etc)

I've just offered him some milk and a banana as a compromise before bed as he's clearly hungry (I think dinner looks too saucy for him).

DH thinks I shouldn't have offered DS anything else.

WIBU to offer him a banana?

I'm all for setting boundaries but I've never made food a battle ground before and it sits uncomfortably with me.

What age do they understand consequence ie you will be hungry in the night?

your child is more important than your husband

Historically food and eating has been a battle but more recently he's been better and he's eaten what he's been given for meals (obviously he eats everything at nursery) then what does that last sentence tell you? It is you and DH who have control issues.

We're careful with timing and quantity of snacks (most of the time offering fruit/breadsticks etc) You are too restrictive let him be free.

Op having a v fussy eating child myself i can't advise strongly enough that you remove all this talk if punishment and naughty step

Professional advice is to remove all drama from dinner..or you will begin to create tension every single time and your child will begin to hate meal times

You provide food your child decides whether to eat it..no bribes no punishments no drama

Make meal time pleasant and fun and keep putting a range of food down.

I recommend the book getting the little blighters to eat

Your DH doesn't have a clue but clearly feels very confident in his parenting ability! Ignoring/cajoling/naughty step.....there's not a lot of consistency there. Do you always do as you are told?

Maybe your husband is part of his eating problem, if he makes a big deal of meal times, that will only make him worse. X

Separate his food too he may prefer this, some children say for example don't like bean juice touching their potatoes ect. X

Of course YANBU.

Offer him the dinner you have made, his choice whether to eat it or not. Insist on an age-appropriate level of table manners (at 2.4, sitting on chair, not throwing food on floor etc). If he doesn't eat anything, no problem, offer a boring pudding or snack later e.g. banana/milk/oatcake. No stress or dramas.

@larrythelizard

DS is 2 and 4 months.

Historically food and eating has been a battle but more recently he's been better and he's eaten what he's been given for meals (obviously he eats everything at nursery)

We're careful with timing and quantity of snacks (most of the time offering fruit/breadsticks etc).

Tonight he has decided against his dinner and would not try and mouthful of it. It was a creamy chicken thing with mash and grated cheese.

DH was adamant that DS wasn't to eat anything else however after 90 mins of ignoring the fuss he was making/cajoling him/trying the naughty step, DS has still refused to even try it (i offered a 'special spoon' to try and offer him a way to climb down from his protest without feeling he was giving in etc)

I've just offered him some milk and a banana as a compromise before bed as he's clearly hungry (I think dinner looks too saucy for him).

DH thinks I shouldn't have offered DS anything else.

WIBU to offer him a banana?

I'm all for setting boundaries but I've never made food a battle ground before and it sits uncomfortably with me.

What age do they understand consequence ie you will be hungry in the night?

90 minutes is far too long.

Eat with children (or sit at the table with them, if they are very small and it's too early for adult dinner - the main thing is that they get the idea of eating being sociable). If they don't eat much, that's fine. If they do, that's fine.

Then clear away, as you would with adults.

Naughty steps, if you use them, are for bad behaviour. Refusing to eat isn't bad behaviour. It's irritating and tiresome for the parent who has made dinner, but it's not bad behaviour.

Clear away with no comment. After bath and cuddles, offer something to eat/drink so the child doesn't go to bed hungry (I used to give mine rusks as babies then, when they were a bit older, Weetabix with warm milk if they hadn't eaten much at supper time, though I dare say this is frowned on now). Then stories, more cuddles, teeth, and bed.

If they didn't want bedtime rusk/milk/Weetabix, they genuinely weren't hungry.

Very, very straightforward. Your husband is being a dick.

DH was adamant that DS wasn't to eat anything else however after 90 mins of ignoring the fuss he was making/cajoling him/trying the naughty step,

WHAT?

The kid is 2 years old. He's not being naughty. He's being 2.
DH is going to give him an eating disorder & horrible anxiety around food & meal times if he keeps making a Victorian Dad production like this.

He basically bullied your little boy for an hour & a half. It's totally out of order. How are you going to prevent him doing it again?

Omg he's 2. No do not let your toddler go to bed hungry. I fully respect you wanted to encourage him to try his dinner but waiting a period of time and then offering a nutritious alternative is perfectly normal.

@nurserypolitics

Your husband is going against any advise a healthcare professional would give, and I would argue is being abusive. At a minimum that's how y ou set children up for eating disorders.

Read a book by Bee Wilson called First taste, it gives a history of how humans learn to eat, and I found it really easy navigating how to approach picky eating with a child with allergies. Our dietitian echoed the approach. At that age, you want them to try things, you DO NOT EVER want to punish eating, or not eating. You need to stand up for your son here or your DH's attitude will have long lasting effects on him.

This

I think OP is too embarrassed to return to the thread. Hopefully posting here has saved her toddler from ever having to be treated that way again.

You need to sort your husband's behaviour out before your son. Your son is 2 what is your husband's excuse.

He eats well at nursery because the problem at home is you two.

Have you never cooked a meal and thought ''Actually I'm not hungry now or I don't fancy this now or I fancy something else.'

He is totally dependent on you both for food. It is a given right not a privilege.

He could have been very thirsty or have tooth ache he cannot tell you.

The child is two.
Treat him like it.
Stop your husband abusing your baby over eating or not.

By the way, chicken and mash covered in milk and cheese would have me refusing to even look at it, let alone put it in my mouth. No bloody way. I'd throw up from smelling that and I am nearly fifty, not two.

Your problem is your partner

I am an adult and I don't fancy chicken with creamy mash - probably not ever

Don't make food a battleground

Your child is 2 - 90 mins trying to make him eat , naughty step etc - he is a toddler !

Put the food down and let him eat what he wants. If he hasn’t eaten much offer a snack and milk before bed. The naughty step, ridiculous punishments and cajoling needs to stop. Your husband sounds like a control freak, sorry. And you shouldn’t let him act this way in front of your toddler. He’s setting him up for major food issues.

Oh and it’s a well known phenomenon that kids will eat anything at nursery but not at home. It’s because their friends are doing the same. He’s 2 and not manipulating you but your husband needs telling straight.