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Original poster

Blackpool Illuminations, I'd like to take my kids myself but grandparents want to

71 replies

TwinkleN0se · 23/10/2021 22:08

My mum texted me the other day to ask if she could take my children to the Blackpool illuminations.
I feel guilty and mean to say no, but actually, it’s something I’d like to do with them myself.
I have nice memories as a kid of going on our yearly trip to ‘the lights’ and it’s a tradition that I’d like to continue with my own children.
They have taken them a couple of times before; they took my eldest for her first time as I didn’t want to leave me second child, I went along with them and DD1 one year, and then I had my third so they took my first two children a few times before I felt my youngest was old enough.

The last time they asked was 2019 before Covid and I told them that OH and I wanted to go now my youngest was older. I figured they’d understand that I also enjoy going there with my children and assume we’d be going as a family from then on.

So I’m now kind of annoyed. There was no invitation for me to go along. And her first assumption was that it’d just be the two oldest (so there’d be a spot for me in the car but I wasn’t invited), but then she ended on that the youngest could come too and she’d drop him off on the way home.
I’m just annoyed that they’ve not even considered that I might like to go, even though I’ve told them it’s something I want to do with them and they obviously know I enjoyed it as a child. And it bugs me that they’ve disregarded me and not realised we’d want to carry on the tradition ourselves.

I realise this probably sounds dramatic and weird, especially to non northerners that rarely frequent the Blackpool illuminations, but it was always built up to me as a child and became an almost magical yearly thing, a bit like bonfire night; going out in the dark, driving in the car, seeing pretty lights, then fish and chips etc.
The more I think about it the more pissed off I am that she wants to just take those times from me for herself.

But now I just feel guilty and mean and like I owe them these experiences with my children or something.

My kids would probably have a better time with them anyway. Am I horrible?

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to keep this yearly trip for just our family? Or is it ok to be selfish and say no, it’s a yearly family thing that I want us to do together, you had your handful of times with them, now go by yourselves and let us do the same?

OP posts:
CallMeRisley · 23/10/2021 22:09

What would she say if you said “I’d like to go too, and all the kids not just the two eldest. I have such happy memories of you taking me as a child. Shall we all go together?”

Zarene · 23/10/2021 22:10

Can’t you all go together? If you all get on, surely the more the merrier!

Or let the kids go twice?

I do sort of get where you’re coming from, but to be honest it does sound a bit mean.

YourFinestPantaloons · 23/10/2021 22:10

Oh for crying out loud OP, what a completely melodramatic post!

Being upset over not being invited is ridiculous - it's possible they don't remember every last thing you said to them about wanting it to be a tradition and they're probably thinking it would be nice for you to have a break.

Just own your position as a parent and say no.

YourFinestPantaloons · 23/10/2021 22:11

Or just say "yes we will come too".

FortunesFave · 23/10/2021 22:12

YANBU but I can't fathom why you feel you can't just say it. Just tell her no....say you want to do it.

hotmeatymilk · 23/10/2021 22:12

Can’t you organise it but they go with you? I don’t think she’s done anything wrong by offering, especially since they’ve taken your kids multiple times already without you, and you’re suddenly changing the boundaries. Just all go together, it’s hardly less magical en masse.

Cantstopthewaves · 23/10/2021 22:12

The illuminations are on for weeks so couldn't you have your family trip annually and allow the grandparents to take them a few weeks later?
They can have two lovely trips and make memories with each of you.

AlexaShutUp · 23/10/2021 22:12

All go together. Then nobody will be disappointed!Smile

HunkyPunk · 23/10/2021 22:18

If it’s something you intend to do every year, can’t you let them have this year, but tell them you would like to see the lights again as well, and will be taking your dc next year? If you think your dc would enjoy seeing the lights with their gps, I honestly don’t think it’s an issue worth upsetting your parents over.

Cuddlyrottweiler · 23/10/2021 22:19

"We've already planned to take them, sorry, maybe we'll see you there?"

Your post is very dramatic but I totally get you. Its like a post the other day about a grandmother wanting to do stockings for her grandchild like she did her own children. They want to recreate those special times with you as a child with your children, but it's your turn now.

Original poster
TwinkleN0se · 23/10/2021 22:19

They don't want me to go though. That is clear. And we wouldn't all fit in one vehicle so me and OH would end up on our own with none of the children. And honestly, I'd rather we go without them, the dynamic changes when we're all together - they have a habit of taking over and she constantly talks over me Etc. We see them enough as it is, I actually would like to reduce the time we spend together but that's another thread.

OP posts:
Monsterpumpkins · 23/10/2021 22:22

If it would be easier just say dh has plans for you all to go... The 5 of you..
Yanbu to want to do things with your own dc!!

Theunamedcat · 23/10/2021 22:30

Sorry not this time we are taking them ourselves

Or thanks for the offer but as we said we are taking them this time

Or no just no

What are they going to do kidnap them or insist they are the ones to do it they are literally your children you have to snap out of the "parent child" dynamic I had to with my mom she wanted to play mummy she isnt mummy I'm the bloody mummy she would try and take over when I resisted she said i was being mean and pouted ffs her sister told her she was being ridiculous and to act like a GRANDMOTHER that went down like rocks on a cliff

YourFinestPantaloons · 23/10/2021 22:40

Have they actually said they don't want you to come?

RobertaFirmino · 23/10/2021 22:42

We see them enough as it is, I actually would like to reduce the time we spend together but that's another thread

I thought there was more to it than your OP. I take it this is just the latest in a long line of incidents then?

HundredMilesAnHour · 23/10/2021 22:42

Your reaction seems disproportionately strong. There's clearly a backstory about your relationship with your DM that is affecting your judgement on this and your reaction is about more than just seeing the illuminations (and as a fellow Northerner who grew up with annual trips there, I understand the significance).

Ignoring the backstory, why can't you all go together? So even if you take 2 cars and park up, you walk one way and get the tram back. Or get the tram both ways. Start a new tradition as a family with kids, parents and grandparents.

thevassal · 23/10/2021 22:45

Just say, sorry we've already make plans to take them ourselves (can add you've made plans with friends, or because it ties in with a trip you've already got booked in the area during the day or whatever if you want to if you think they will nag to change plans otherwise).
I would usually say go together but if you don't want to (and they didn't invite you so you're under no obligation!), then no, YANBU to want to do traditions with your own kids.

Snoozer11 · 23/10/2021 22:46

@AlexaShutUp

All go together. Then nobody will be disappointed!Smile
Sounds like you haven't been to Blackpool for a while Grin
FindingMeno · 23/10/2021 22:46

My parents did things with my dc's that I'd like to have done but I was at work. The important thing is that they're doing it and creating bonds with grandparents.
I wouldn't want to risk upset over this personally.

thevassal · 23/10/2021 22:47

Although I would mention that you recall them as magical adventure nights from a child's POV - it may be if you take them this year it will be all 'I'm tired' 'I need a wee,' 'I feel sick' moaning and hitting each other in the backseat, you and DH getting stressed at the traffic and diversions, and you'll be begging your parents to take them next year!

Backtomyoldname · 23/10/2021 22:47

I can understand that your trips to them are a family tradition.

I can understand that your mum has muscled it and spoilt things rather.

But….. looking at them objectively….. they are generally shite. Been there, done that.

Liverpool has a festival of light on?

LemonBarley1234 · 23/10/2021 22:47

Just say no.

Hi Mum, thanks for the offer but we have already arranged that we will be taking them to the lights.

WhatsthefrequencyKen · 23/10/2021 23:06

Can they go twice? Just explain that you enjoyed it so much as a child that you’d really like to take them as their parents, but they’d be happy to go twice. Bit of faffing I know

123fushia · 23/10/2021 23:10

Just let them go. Enjoy a bit of child free time. Say thank you and either take them somewhere else another time or arrange for a visit to a different place. I went on Thursday. They were ok.

mafted · 23/10/2021 23:13

@Snoozer11
GrinGrinGrinGrin