To not want my nursery aged DS to be scared by Halloween at school

[pipiandbelle]

Hiya. My DS primary PTA have organised a Halloween event in school today. Sort of a disco with snacks. However I’ve seen the room it’s taking place in and it has been decorated in, what I think, is quite a scary way. All the kids are going in fancy dress today too (yr 6 to nursery) and I don’t know what will be allowed (eg Scream outfits et). My DS is currently finding it hard to know what is real or not on TV (eg in a cartoon or a human in cartoon) so I’m worried he will get freaked out with the costumes (possibly) and the scary room (definitely I think). AIBU to keep him off school today so he doesn’t see this?

You can't shield him from everything forever, and neither should you try.

Personally I couldn’t get myself wound up about this. But then my 4YO and I love a bit of Halloween.

I’d just pre-warn the teacher that he might not like it - they’ll be used to things like this with little ones and won’t force him in if he doesn’t want to go. I’d also be surprised if nursery to Y6 are in there all at the same time (I work in a one form entry school and we wouldn’t comfortably fit in the hall) so imagine FS will have their own slot. You never know, he might enjoy it when with his peers!

I’m a primary school teacher, so is my partner and I have a primary aged DD. My partner’s school is C of E so they don’t do Halloween, but at both my school and my DD’s there are Halloween events. There is a rule of no outlandishly scary costumes, no masks that obscure the child’s identity, no scream masks, clown masks, no fake weapons such as knives, cleavers etc. Also, even though all the children are going in dressed up on the same day and there is one room decorated, I would imagine there is probably a rota where each class or at least each Key Stage uses the Hall at a time (unless you’re at a particularly tiny school with 25 kids in the whole school), while the others do other activities/have party food etc back in the classroom. As it’s during the day it won’t be dark. Hope your DC enjoys their party

Keeping him off school is an over reaction. Even cheesy comedy costumes could scare some children, so the only way round this would be to ban dressing up, which would be ridiculous.

I would send him in, and let him enjoy the disco and end of half term treats.

Schools have been organising these parties forever and have enormous experience of what works for this age group.

Your child will have a lovely party with his friends.

Keeping him at home is unreasonable.

In my school the reception teacher kept her class well away from everyone on this day as she didn't want them frightened. She specifically asked all older children especially those wearing masks to keep well away from her little ones. And we didn't have a scary area on top of that.
Some children can take it but others can't. I think it's horrible if little ones get frightened as they have only started school and it could turn them off. Do what you think is right for your child.
Some of the costumes can be extremely scary.

Don’t keep him off school. The teachers will look after him if he’s scared - and I’m pretty certain he won’t be when he’s surrounded by his friends

Yabu. If he gets upset staff can take him out burning all likelihood he'll have a great time.

There is nothing in your post to suggest he has had any issues with such things in the past so I have voted YABU. It doesn’t do any help to preempt a fear that isn’t there, all it does is feed into the idea it’s something to be scared of.

Don't keep him off and don't be the parent who complains about the Halloween Disco being scary, resulting in the following year it being turned into a Glow party, resulting in parents having to find two outfits within a very short period of time.

Second year that Halloween disco / Glow party hasn't been allowed.

Halloween is as old as the hills, Hallows Eve, the night before All Saints day!

I think YABU. If he goes, there may be a chance he gets initially upset but then will come round to it or see his friends having a good time and be less scared.

You would be very unreasonable to keep him off. You can't shield him from Halloween. Ds1 is now 5 so is out of the stage of confusing reality and pretend but when he did this I just explained to him it was pretend and nothing to be afraid of. That's what your ds teachers will do if he's scared at school.
It's not healthy to stop your child from feeling emotions like fear, upset, anger etc. that's not your job, your job is to teach him how to deal with them in a healthy way.

Surely most schools now have a 'no masks' policy now? Apart from that, I'm sure your DS will b swept along with the general mood of those around him - excitement and novelty at school or fear and nervousness if he stays home with you.

I'm just remembering that ds1 was scared of masks when he was 3. We went to a family Halloween disco thing anyway (because I love Halloween). Some of the older kids had pretty scary masks on and ds1 was freaked out. I asked one of the older boys if he could show ds his face under the mask so ds could see it was pretend. The older boy was lovely, pulled his mask up and stuck his tongue out. Ds1 started laughing and that was that.
Shielding them from things they fear prolongs the fear I think (excluding diagnosed phobias of course)

How old is your son?

My grandson has positively reveled in Halloween since he was at nursery school. The more gruesome the better as far as he is concerned. I don't think it's done any permanent damage.

I wish my DC school had done something fun for Halloween. Since covid they literally aren't doing anything nice, celebrating anything seems to be cancelled!

Good god get a grip

YABU.

As other posters have already said the school staff will be alert to this and will monitor them. I suspect he'll have a great time. Don't keep him off school - just have a word with the teacher at drop off or send an email.

It's great that school organise activities like these particularly after a year where most opportunities to do so have been restricted.

Please don't let your son be "That Kid" by keeping him off school for the sake of a Halloween party. Let him go, help him choose a costume, help him get dressed up, take lots of pictures, tell him how amazing he looks, and send him off to enjoy snacks and fun with his little friends.

It won't be long before he's too old for Halloween parties and dressing up. Fast forward 15 years when he's at university and dressed up as a sexy nun to go on a Halloween pub crawl with his mates, you'll miss these little moments with him ❤️

@pipiandbelle Have you talked to his teacher? It might put your mind at ease.

I hate Halloween anyway but I’ve noticed this year decorations have shifted a hit. Where there used to be ghosts and witches, there now seems to be axe wielding zombie silhouettes. A cafe I walked past yesterday had fake bloody knives. I cannot see how this is ok or what it is possibly celebrating.

So if you think the decorations are beyond what is suitable, tell the school.

I think it's probably a good way to expose him to stuff like this. Familiar setting/people, lots of other kids having fun and unfazed by it, etc. Kids often take their cues from other kids, so seeing his peers having fun might be a stabilising factor. DD can be a bit nervous about new experiences but if she sees other kids having fun she gets over it very quickly!

You really need to get a grip! Let him go and have fun 👻

Send him in as normal, dressed in a costume he will accept. Let the nursery deal with this, try not to worry.
There are an awful lot of parenting occasions when you will have to do this, this is just the first.
He will be fine !